“Don’t you?” I touched her again, this time cupping her slender neck with my hand. She stilled but didn’t ask me to stop. “Can’t you feel this? I know this isn’t one-sided. Now tell me this is something you can walk away from, and I’ll leave you alone.”
She opened her mouth as if to say just that, and my heart thudded harshly in my chest in panic. But then she closed her mouth, her eyes tinged with frustration. She shook her head, as if clearing her thoughts. I wanted to tell her that was useless. After all, I seemed to have lost all rational thought since the first moment I’d laid eyes on her.
“You can’t, can you?”
“We shouldn’t do this,” she said, and she sounded like she wanted to cry.
Unable to resist any longer, I pulled her close, reveling in the feel of her in my arms. For the first time since the moment she walked away from me, I felt like I could breathe again.
To my surprise and utter delight, she didn’t fight me. She became almost pliant in my arms, and I wished we were alone, not in a crowded bar.
“Why shouldn’t we do this, sweetheart?” I asked her, moving my fingers through the soft strands of her long, wavy hair.
She burrowed into me, as if trying to get closer, and still it wouldn’t be close enough. I knew the feeling.
“Because you’re my boss.”
“Technically, Josephine Tracy is your boss. I’m just some guy who runs the company. No big deal.”
She pinched my side for that remark, and I held in a laugh. Who knew my Lily could be so playful?
“And you’re her boss.”
“Technicalities.”
She scoffed. “Right.”
“You know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt, don’t you? And that means not doing anything to jeopardize your career.”
“How would I know that?” she asked miserably.
She was right. How would she know that? As much as I didn’t like hearing it, I couldn’t really blame her. She didn’t know me very well. And any relationship we entered into would put her at a disadvantage, for no other reason than because of my position in the company.
“We’ll have a contract drawn up,” I said, making a mental note to call Callum later. The bastard would no doubt think I had lost my mind. Not that he could say much, considering he lost his mind to his wife, Bethany, years ago.
Lily pulled back from me then, and I had no choice but to let her go. She wrinkled her nose at me in distaste. “A contracted relationship? Sounds cold.”
“No, sweetheart. Nothing about our relationship will be contracted.” Or cold, for that matter. “Anything that will or won’t happen will be entirely up to us. The contract will be for you to feel safe. To protect you.”
“I don’t know,” she said hesitantly. I could see it in her eyes how much she wanted this. But she was scared. And I hated more than I dared to admit out loud the thought that she might be scared of the idea of us.
“Come home with me tonight,” I said, trying hard to keep the desperation out of my voice.
Her gray eyes took me in, and I didn’t know what she was thinking. I had always been pretty good at reading the opposite sex. No, more than good. I was fluent.
But Lily was an anomaly I didn’t know how to make sense of. Everything about her had been unpredictable thus far, and I didn’t know what to do.
She bit her lip in contemplation, looking around the crowded bar, avoiding my eyes. When she finally met them once more, I couldn’t tell if the determined look in her eyes was a good thing or not.
“I’m not like the kind of girls you take home, Dereck, despite what happened in your office this morning.” I hated that she sounded ashamed over what had happened. I wanted to tell her there was nothing to be ashamed of, only I knew my words wouldn’t comfort her. I could only show her. Soon.
With time, she would see herself like the goddess I saw her as. Someone deserving of being worshipped, and I would gladly worship at her altar like the undeserving sinner I knew I was.
“Of course you’re not,” I said vehemently. She was so much more than anyone I had ever been with. I didn’t want to let her go.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for anything more,” she said softly, looking down at the bar top, a lovely blush gracing her delicate cheekbones.
I admitted that disappointment weighed down my stomach like lead, yet I knew this wouldn’t always be the case. I knew she just needed time to see that she could trust me, and I would show her.
“That’s okay, baby. We’ll move at your pace.”
She looked up, surprise evident in her eyes. I didn’t know if I should be offended or amused. I went with the latter, and shot her a wide smile.
“What, don’t you think I can be patient? I can’t claim sainthood, and know that I will be thinking about every dirty thing I want to do to you as much as possible, but I won’t ever do anything without your consent. In this relationship, you hold all the power. Wield it carefully, baby. Or you just might break my heart.”
She mirrored my expression, and blessed me with a smile of her own, albeit a small one. A slow pinch started in the center of my chest and spread out the longer she looked at me. She was so goddamn beautiful, she took my breath away.
“Is that what we are?” she asked. I shot her a confused look. “In a relationship?”
My breath caught. It might make me sound like an asshole, but I had never actually been in a relationship before. Friends with benefits, one-night stands, and even the occasional fuck buddy that I kept around for more than a month, yes. But a relationship?
Never.
Yet the idea didn’t scare me as much as I thought
