“How I despise myself!”
“I love you,” he whispered, kissing her hands.
“I am now an immoral woman!”
“Who said that?”
“I’ve fallen!”
“You are the most beautiful woman in the world!”
She looked at him from behind her tears and said, “You couldn’t respect me now after what I’ve done with you.”
“You’re my wife: how could I not respect you?”
“I am not your wife.”
“Aren’t we going to get married?”
“Yes, but right now I am forbidden to you.”
“We haven’t committed fornication, Shaymaa. And there are noble hadiths, all authentic, all unanimous, in stating that God Almighty forgives the trespasses that do not amount to fornication of those He wills. We love each other and intend to be lawfully wedded, God willing. And God the Merciful forgives us.”
She looked at him for a long time, as if to see whether he was telling the truth, and then whispered, “Won’t your opinion of me change after what I’ve done with you?”
“It won’t change.”
“Swear that you will continue to respect me.”
“I swear by God Almighty that I will go on respecting you.”
“And I swear to you by God’s mercy to my father, Tariq, that I haven’t done this with anyone before you and that I’ve done it with you only because I love you.”
“Of course.”
“Are you going to leave me?”
“I’ll never leave you.”
As they went out of the kitchen, her steps looked confident and graceful, as if she had found fulfillment or got rid of a burden. He sat her next to him on the sofa and they exchanged a few whispered words interspersed with tender and heartfelt kisses from him on her hair and hands. Little by little the troubled look left her face, replaced by a warm softness. In a moment, as if he had just received a sign from her, he extended his arm and pulled her toward him, slowly and confidently this time. He felt her neck and lips with his fingers, then lifted her face, and they lost themselves in a long kiss.
CHAPTER 24
When Sarah opened the door, Jeff was standing behind her, high, staring at what was happening with unfocused looks. Dr. Ra’fat rained blows on her, and strangely enough, she didn’t resist him. She cried only once after the first slap then succumbed after that, as if she were receiving a legal punishment. When he kicked her hard and she fell to the floor, Jeff came to and rushed at Ra’fat to grab him, but he pushed Jeff with his hand and Jeff staggered under the influence of the drug. Ra’fat roared at him, “As for you, dirty junkie, I’m going to put you in jail tonight.”
Ra’fat stood in the middle of the hallway as if he didn’t know what to do next. Then he turned around and hurried outside, and soon the sound of his car could be heard pulling away. The outside door remained open and the entryway lights on. Jeff began to pace back and forth, muttering angry curses. Then he stopped suddenly and for a moment seemed out of it, as if just waking from a dream. He walked slowly, closed the door, and turned off the lights, then extended his hand to help Sarah get up. He accompanied her inside and they sat next to each other on the sofa that had witnessed the climax of their pleasure a little earlier. He looked at her face in the light, and for the first time, he noticed a bruise around her left eye and a thin line of blood trickling from the side of her mouth. He extended his hand and felt her face gently then said in a hoarse voice, “We’ve been assaulted.”
She remained silent, as if she hadn’t heard him. He went on, “Your father has shown his true colors. He wants to control the life of his adult daughter as if he were still living in the desert.”
She started crying in silence. He extended his hand with the dish that contained the dope, whispering in a confused tone of voice, “Wash the dish well. We’ve got to move fast. I’ll hide the dope at a friend’s on a nearby street. Then we’ll call the police.”
“I am not going to call the police.”
He looked at her for a long time and said, “Sarah, this is serious. We’ve got to turn your father in before he turns us in.”
“He won’t turn us in.”
“You’re beginning to worry me. How can you be so sure?”
“Because he’s my father.”
“How can you trust him after what he’s done?”
“Listen, Jeff. I know my father well and he’s not going to call the police. Okay? Isn’t that all you’re worried about? Now, back off.”
“What do you mean?”
“Leave me alone. I want to sit quietly for a little while, please.”
She leaned her head to the wall. She really needed some quiet. Despite her fatigue and pain her mind was seething with successive images that were astonishingly strong and clear. Her father’s angry face appeared as his hand rose in the air and slapped her, time after time. She kept recalling what had happened in full detail, as if she had not absorbed it or as if she wanted to inflict more pain on herself. Old scenes kept coming to her mind, shining and disappearing like flashes from the dark past. She saw herself as a child in her father’s arms, and her mother’s face came to her. She remembered how, for years, whenever she went to her little bed every night, she would close her eyes and put her head under the pillow, praying to God passionately that her father and
