“Sarah?” he shouted as he rushed toward her. He turned on the light and he could see the details of the scene. She turned around for a moment, stared vacantly at him, then turned around again as if she did not see him. She was looking for something, anxiously opening the desk drawers and slamming them closed, one after the other. Ra’fat moved toward her and looked at her. She looked strange: she had lost a lot of weight and her face was extremely pale. There were black rings around her eyes and sweat was pouring from her. Her hair was disheveled and dusty and her clothes dirty, as though she had spent the night on the sidewalk.
“Sarah? Where’ve you been?” he exclaimed, but she didn’t answer. She didn’t even turn, as if she were not aware of his presence. She went on opening the drawers then slamming them shut. Then she turned to the closet, pulling the door hard, and began to throw the contents on the bed: folded shirts, underwear, and towels of several colors. Ra’fat held her by the arm and asked her, “What are you looking for?”
She pushed him away and said in a raspy voice, “Let me go.”
“What’s wrong, Sarah?”
“That’s none of your business.”
She kept looking at the closet, which was now empty. Then she threw herself onto the bed and put her hands on her head and said, as if talking to herself, “Goddammit! Where’d the money go? I’m sure I left it here.”
“Sarah.”
“Leave me alone.”
“I know you’re mad at me. Forgive me. I’ve treated you cruelly. Believe me, I’m the one who loves you the most in this world.”
“Stop this emotional blackmail. You’ve ruined my life.”
Her voice was hoarse and her glances strange. Her face began to contract and sweat poured from it and she began to gasp, as if she were having difficulty breathing. He came closer to her and extended his arms to embrace her, but she got up, moved two steps away, then turned around and confronted him with a hostile glare. He said in a soft voice, “I want to talk with you for a little bit.”
“I don’t have time.”
“I want to help you.”
“I don’t want your help.”
“Where do you live now?”
“In a place a thousand times better than your house.”
“Why are you treating me this way? You have a big problem. You must quit doing drugs.”
She looked at him in anger and shouted, “What do you know about drugs? You don’t know anything in the world except your damn slides.”
“Please, Sarah. I’ll take you to a counselor.”
“This is stupid. I don’t need a counselor. If I have problems in my life, you’re responsible for them.”
“Me?”
“As usual you don’t see the horrible things you’re doing.”
“Sarah!”
“Enough with the lies. You’ve made me miserable. There’s not a single thing that’s genuine in this house: my mother doesn’t love you, she never has. And you don’t love her. Yet you go on pretending to be such a wonderful couple. It’s about time you heard what I think of you: you’re phony. You’re a bad actor playing a silly role that doesn’t convince anyone. Who are you? Are you Egyptian or American? You’ve lived all your life wanting to be an American. And you failed.”
“All these catastrophes are because of that lowlife Jeff!” Ra’fat shouted suddenly, but she screamed, “Don’t call him names. He’s better than you. He’s poor and unemployed but he’s genuine. He loves me and I love him. We’re not phony like you.”
She turned around suddenly and headed for the door, but he followed her to keep her from leaving. She pushed him away from her, but he stepped forward quickly and embraced her from behind, saying in a loud voice, “I won’t allow you to destroy yourself.”
“Let me go,” she shouted as she pushed him with all her strength, but he clung to her, putting up with her blows on his body. She exerted a strenuous effort to struggle free, and suddenly her muscles convulsed violently and she began to cry. He held her tightly. She calmed down in his embrace. They clung to each other in total silence. After a few moments she said in a different voice, calm and deep, as if she had awakened from a dream or come back to consciousness after an attack of nerves, “I have to go now.”
“Do you want some money?”
She looked hesitant then said in a soft voice, “Give me a hundred dollars and I’ll repay it in a week.”
He took out his wallet and gave her a bill that she took quickly and put nonchalantly in her pants pocket. He smiled and said, “Do you want more money?”
“We’re doing okay. In a few days Jeff will start his new work. He’s found an excellent job at a brokerage firm.”
He was sure she was lying. He looked at her affectionately and said, “Can you tell me your new address?”
“I can’t.”
“I just want to know that you’re all right. I won’t bother you. I won’t visit you unless you ask me.”
“I will get in touch with you. I promise.”
She seemed as if she had regained her old tenderness suddenly. He hugged her again and kept showering her with kisses on her face and hair until she gently pushed him away. She looked at him with a faint smile then planted a quick kiss on his cheek and hurried out.
CHAPTER 34
Dr. Friedman sat behind his desk and asked Tariq to sit down. He bowed his head and looked at his hands, which he had clasped in front of him, then blushed a little as he usually did when he started to speak and said, “Ever since I’ve become chairman, I’ve always been enthusiastic to admit Egyptian students because they’re intelligent and hardworking. Of course
