She’s tried to ground me, like we’re characters in a high school movie, but she’s working during the day so I’ve just not been coming home until late at night, sometimes not at all. She’s threatened all sorts of punishment, but I don’t have pocket money, I don’t watch TV, she doesn’t know where I keep my books. She’s powerless.
The irony is that this is the most attention I’ve had from her for years. I know it’s not been easy since Dad left. But she hasn’t needed to go to the pub every Friday and Saturday since I was nine – ever since she’s deemed me young enough to be left by myself. She’s not needed to tell me to make myself scarce the evenings Craig’s poker mates come round or she and him need to have their ‘date nights’, which I know consist of them drinking three bottles of wine and largely failing to have sex. I’ve seen it from the gallery at the top of the stairs. It’s funny, before I met Donny, that’s what I thought grown-up love was.
Craig I feel more worried about. He’s always done the territorial, alpha male of the house act when it comes to me, but it’s getting out of control. He keeps talking about what it’s like for him as my dad even though he isn’t my dad. He’s come into my bedroom, sat on the end of my bed, tried to tell me that teenage boys only want sex and even then they don’t know what they’re doing. That they don’t appreciate how special I am. He got almost emotional the other day when he asked if I wanted to go for a walk with him and I said no.
I feel so blessed that Donny found me. We did alloys at the end of last term, in chemistry class, and that’s what it feels like we have. Two elements reacting together to make something new, our spirits fusing into one entity making our bodies, our minds, our souls stronger. I feel three times the person with him as when we’re apart.
He’s worried though. I can tell. Every time I tell him about what Mum’s been doing he clams up and stops talking to me. When I’ve pressed him he says it’s because he’s scared of losing me. He’s convinced someone will find out and that once that happens, they won’t let us be together.
He’s not going back to school. He says he can’t, not now. He’s going to Darwin, he has money for somewhere to live. There’s a gallery owner who’s taken an interest in his work. He says I could find a job. Mum will disown me if I go. Craig, who knows what he might do, but I know he’d see it as me betraying him, he’d be jealous, he’d poison Mum against me. I know it would be irreversible.
But Donny needs me to go with him. He says that without me, he isn’t an artist any more, he’s barely human. He needs me. I wish I had the words to describe how extraordinary that feels.
I have to choose. But there’s no choice. There’s no question. This is the beginning of a life I never thought I could have. This is the beginning of something magical. I never dared to believe in fairy tales before, but now I know they can come true.
23
BRAUNEoverBRAINS
414 posts 54.3k followers 1,638 following
ERIN BRAUNE
This is my Zen poncho. Because I’m the new face of worldwide Zen.
DEEEELIGHTED to announce that I will now be the online, and occasional physical, ambassador for Phibe Digital, home of the incredible PieceOFMind mindfulness app. They’re working on a new social networking app specifically designed for mums on maternity leave, providing a one-stop shop for information and booking for baby groups, support groups, mindfulness and just general ‘dating’ for mums who are trying to stay sane while bringing up their lovely human. AND THEY WANT MY ADVICE ON IT. SO. Please DM me, comment, anything that you’d like to see and I will act as a conduit for all your amazing ideas and suggestions. The girls at Phibe – YES THEY’RE GIRLS – and I want to give every new mum, whether they’re struggling with their new baby or loving every second, a support network living in their pockets. Cos without all the love I’ve had from you guys, I might not have been able to get out of bed, let alone be standing in the sunshine, baby asleep in the buggy, listening to the Fearne podcast, absolutely loving my life. Huge props to @gracefentiman for getting me and @phibedigital together. I can’t wait to get cracking @lydiamanuel
@alicetrenchard
@lydianmanuel YAY. We can’t wait to get you back in the office, Erin. Super excited about future plans.
@andywesto this is awesome awesome awesome stuff. What an amazing resource for new parents. (Stay-at-home dads allowed on it too right? LOL)
@lydiamanuel 100 andy. We love anyone that’s staying-at-home-to-look-after-bubbas.
@annamaitron HOLY GUACAMOLE. This is going to be huge. I’m sure @phibedigital have it covered, but I will happily invest 20–75 English pounds in this app. What’s that in stock options @BRAUNEoverBRAINS?
@crowleypoly Q: She’s amazing. How does she do it? A: She doesn’t.
24
Caz
Congratulations pal.
Erin
Ta babe. Excited.
Caz
Frappuccinos are on you then?
Erin
Whenever the contract’s signed,
for shizzle! How was Friday group?
Caz
Mega. Amanda was there with B-man.
Had a chat. She was wearing a
full-length lace number.
Miss Havisham vibes.
Erin
Harsh!
Caz
Lorna was there,
first time in ages.
Erin
I missed her. WHAT a shame.
Caz
In full shite-chatting
flow too. Some newbie
was saying how she’d come
to the group cos of your
Insta. Lorna got right on one.
About how it was her that
started the group and
now she couldn’t even go.
Erin
The church group?
Wasn’t it Jesus’s
