“Just because your race panders to, and even elevates, the least intelligent beings doesn’t mean everyone else does, or should.” The Elf turned his mesmerizing eyes on Joe, allowing a hint of a smile to appear. “I can tell you this, Captain is likely the most intelligent Dwarf that his race could possibly afford to send to this incredibly important recruitment position. You see how angry he is getting? Right now? It is not because I am saying something negative about his people, nor that I’m calling them dumb; it is because I am calling him smart.”
“You watch your mouth!” Captain snarled practically animalistically at ‘Enlightened One’.
“There it is,” came the smug reply. “Imagine joining the Dwarfs, and being surrounded by thousands upon thousands of beings that only listen to their… the human equivalent is testosterone, I believe. Male and female alike, I’ll add. Instead, you could join a refined culture, one where advancement is predicated upon your ability to think through situations and gain the favor of those above your station… not punching enough people in the face that no one can tell you ‘no’ anymore.”
“A place where you become stifled by bureaucratic nonsense! A place where you have to fill out a form in triplicate so you can join combat when your people are in danger!” Captain spat on the ground between them, but the Elf simply raised an eyebrow and caused a flower to grow out of the tiny puddle in retaliation. “You join them and it is not a death sentence… it is a guaranteed life of boredom and frustration.”
“So this is a choice between joining the Marines, or the Air Force. There was a reason I joined the Army,” Joe muttered with his eyes closed. “Actually, less joining, more being drafted. Fine. Tell me why I should join you. Enlightened One, please start.”
“A wise choice.” The Elf unfurled from his lotus position and rose to a profound stance, hands clasped behind his back. “You are clearly a human that uses his brain. You have immense talents with internal mana manipulation, and even appear to be mainly self-taught.”
“How can you-” Joe started, only to be cut off by the Elf’s careless wave.
“Your mana… suffuses your body.” A slight twitch accompanied Enlightened One’s words as he said this, but he didn’t comment on it further. “If you were traditionally trained, your mana would be well on its way to forming a central core from which you direct all mana. Your current state will make it harder for you to learn in certain ways, but likely allows you to cast the spells that you do know much faster. We can teach you, train you, in all the things you need to learn. You can grow so quickly, and become a powerful force by working with us; especially on the Officer’s track.”
Seeing that the Elf was done, Joe turned to the Dwarf. “Captain? How about you? Can I get on the Officer’s track?”
“Ya don’t know what you’re asking for, lad.” Captain wiped sweat off his forehead and shifted uneasily. “You don’t ‘get in’ to the Officer’s track; you need to survive Candidacy and selection. I can tell you that our area is more fun. You’ll grow in the ways you want to grow; not be forced into small rooms and told what to learn for the next decade. You’ll get into the mix, and learn in a hands-on environment.”
Joe tried to escape one last time. “Just to be sure, there is no way either of you are going to just… let me out of here? I’ll just go do my own thing and leave you both alone?”
“You get near that door, and I will turn you into fertilizer,” Enlightened One stated serenely.
“Every single unit of land is constantly being… contested.” Captain chose his words carefully. “If we let another person onto our land, and just let them do their own thing, we are essentially creating competition for ourselves. We will not let that happen. Neither of our people will.”
Joe rubbed his bald head, even though it felt like lifting a boulder and dropping it on his skull. He resolved not to do that again. “All right, fine. I'm joining the Dwarves.”
A blast of mana sent him skidding across the floor, tumbling until he hit the wall of the strange cave they were in.
Health: 200/875. Burning, -20 health per second for 12 seconds.
The Reductionist hadn’t even seen what had happened. One moment, everything was fine and calm. In the next instant, the world had been washed out in white light. Captain’s deep laugh echoed through the area, along with the sound of metal hitting wood. “I got one! Sod off, twig!”
“He dies! How dare he turn down the Elven Theocracy?” The Elf’s voice was no longer calm or cool; it was instead… a Boston accent? What? “Show me disrespect? Your intestines are gonna turn green from regret, then black from rot, you get me?”
Faction joined: Dwarven Oligarchy.
“Buzz off, Sparkle Bro!” Captain did something with his hammer, and the Elf was blasted out of the room—through the stone wall—by a torrent of fire and steam. The Dwarf turned toward Joe with a wide smile as a large top hat appeared in his hands. He put it on, and unseen mechanisms whirred to life. Thick sunglasses that could easily be used for welding dropped over his eyes, and the Dwarf took a step forward. “Recruit, let me officially welcome you to Svaltarheim, Dwarvenheim, Deepvenheim. Take your pick; they mean the same thing: Home of the Dwarves.”
“Not… Nidavellir?” Joe was wracking his brain for all his old mythology. “I thought that was the land of the Dwarves.”
“Once upon a time, lad.” Captain winced and looked away at Joe’s comment. “I
