‘That’s Billy’s. I planted it for him not long after I moved in here. I talk to him all the time, you know. Every day. I tell him how sorry I am. Doug, we lost him to suicide about ten years ago. But we lost him to drink long before that. He was never the same. I couldn’t blame him though. How could I? I spent so long thinking it was me. My fault. Because I took my eye off him. I let go of his little hand. So many what ifs. What if I’d held on to him? What if that stupid cow from school hadn’t distracted me?’
She stopped herself. As if she wanted to say more but wouldn’t allow herself. Beth stood up, taking a step towards Wendy’s chair.
‘Have you got children?’ Wendy asked from nowhere.
Beth thought of her beautiful family, averting Wendy’s stare.
‘Yes. I have a son and a daughter.’
All the colour drained from Wendy’s face. Her eyes glazed over. She seemed to be looking at Beth, but… not. She started to talk again, but Beth felt that she wasn’t really talking to her.
‘They are precious. You know that of course. You never actually understand how much until… until they’re gone. You look away for a second. You make a stupid mistake… I made a mistake. There is evil lurking everywhere. Sometimes the most nefarious forces can hide beneath a pretty exterior.’ She looked directly at Beth, straight into her eyes.
‘You assume that other people are good, that they are all kind, like you were raised to be. But they’re not. And that is the fatal misjudgement that people make.’
‘Wendy, please. You mustn’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.’
Wendy rose suddenly from her chair.
‘No, of course it wasn’t. It was yours!’ she scolded, her voice growing louder.
‘How dare you come into my house after all this time and tell me it wasn’t my fault. Who do you think you are?’ She was getting agitated. Angry.
Wendy stepped towards Beth, jabbing a bony finger painfully into Beth’s sternum.
‘Did you assume I would absolve you? Is that what you hoped for?’
‘No, I thought–’
‘Shut up! You’ve said enough. Now it’s my turn. I don’t. I know I’m probably supposed to, but I don’t forgive you. I will never…’ She began to sob uncontrollably, her chest, her whole body convulsing.
‘Perhaps I should leave.’ Beth pivoted, and Wendy shoved her from behind.
‘I think you’re right. Go on, get out of my house!’
As Wendy jostled Beth towards the door, her gaze drifted one last time to Billy. But something else caught her attention. She’d been so distracted by the image of Billy that she hadn’t noticed it before. She stopped, planted herself firmly to the spot. Reached her hand out, plucking up the small silver-framed photo from the back of the dresser.
‘What are you doing? Put that down right now!’ Wendy shouted.
Beth stared in horror at the object in her hands.
‘Mrs Noakes… who is this?’
She pointed her finger at the man in the photo.
‘That’s my son. That’s Michael.’
Beth swallowed hard.
Michael Noakes.
Or Mikey, as Beth knew him.
49
Beth sat in her car. Not ready to drive. Her head spinning. She felt numb.
She didn’t know exactly what she had expected from Wendy Noakes. Beth tried to imagine how she would feel if it had been Daisy. If someone had… taken her.
Hurt her.
Worse.
She closed her eyes, trying to shake the thought away. Wendy’s hatred was nothing compared to the revelation about Mikey. Beth had avoided looking into the Noakes family. She hadn’t wanted to know how those events had damaged them. Ruined them. She suffered enough guilt without reading about their pain. So she simply didn’t look.
Ignorance is bliss.
Her phone vibrated in her handbag. She pulled it out.
‘Peter, hi, now’s not a good time, I–’
‘Why did you have Zoe’s scarf?’
Beth was taken aback by the venom in her son’s voice.
‘She must have left it at the house.’
‘Bullshit.’
‘Peter, what’s wrong?’
‘Zoe is missing. I thought she was away on a field trip. But she’s not. Her parents don’t know where she is. She messaged her mum and told her she was staying at a mate’s house the night before because it was an early start. She also texted her friends saying she had glandular fever and couldn’t make it. Someone has been in contact with her parents the whole time she was supposed to be away. Her mum didn’t even realise until today that anything was wrong. Someone’s been using her phone so nobody knew.’
Beth felt bile rise up in her throat. She knew he would find out eventually, but she wasn’t prepared.
‘Peter, I’m sorry, that’s… awful. Why don’t we meet to talk? I’m driving back from… a work thing. I’ll be a few hours, but I can pick you up later.’
‘No. You were acting really weird when I told you that scarf was hers. You had this look on your face. I knew something was off at the time.’
‘Peter, I can’t do this now.’
‘Do what? Mum! What the hell is going on? I swear to you, if anything has happened to her, I will never forgive you.’
The line went dead. Beth stared at her phone. A few weeks earlier, she would have told anyone she had the perfect life. She hoped she had finally left the past behind her. It had taken a long time, and yes, perhaps she might not ever be completely free from what happened, but she had settled somewhere. She had a husband. A family.
She was content.
Her father had told her many years ago that she would never be happy; she didn’t deserve it. As much as it hurt her to admit, she believed he was right.
