‘Your mum can’t be that bad. I bet I could charm her into liking me,’ James says as he puts his hands behind his head and watches me get dressed.
‘No chance. She hates all men these days, not just the ones I’m seeing.’
‘How many are you seeing?’
I pull my face. ‘You know what I mean.’
James gives me a wink, and I wish I could be as relaxed about life as he is. He never seems to have a care in the world, whereas I constantly feel like I am never more than five minutes away from another stressful situation. But things have got better for me since I met him four weeks ago.
We matched on a dating app and had our first date on Brighton Pier, where we had a fun time playing in the penny arcades and throwing our chips to the seagulls as they flew past. But while the activities on the date might have seemed childish, the conversation certainly wasn’t. I like the fact that James is older because he has a confidence about him that guys my age don’t have. He seems to be comfortable in his own skin and untroubled by the prospect of the future, which is the exact opposite of me. I guess that’s why I feel so good when I am around him.
That and the fact he is gorgeous.
‘You don’t seem to be getting ready to leave,’ I say as I pick up my hairbrush from the dresser table and run it through my dark locks.
‘Your mum won’t be back for ages yet.’
‘She’ll be back in an hour, so move it.’
I see the reflection of James in my mirror and notice that he isn’t getting up, and while there is still plenty of time for him to go yet, I’m starting to regret letting him come into the flat this late in the day. He usually comes around in the mornings when there is no chance of us getting caught together, but today he just randomly showed up in the middle of the afternoon, saying that he was desperate to see me. I was happy with the surprising show of affection, so I was willing to let him inside, but now I’m starting to get a little anxious. I know Mum’s train always gets in around half six, and we aren’t far from the station. If she walks in and he is still here, then it won’t just be him getting kicked out.
It’ll be me too.
‘Are things really that bad between you?’ James asks as I continue to brush my hair.
‘Oh, yeah. We pretty much hate the sight of each other at this point.’
‘Why?’
‘Too many reasons to go into. Just trust me when I say that the sooner I get out of here, the better.’
‘It can’t be that bad,’ James replies, a little too casually for my liking. ‘Everyone hates their mum when they’re a teenager.’
I stop and place my brush back on the dresser table. I haven’t really gone into the full story of why my mum and I aren’t as close as we could be with him before, but we are starting to get serious now, so maybe it is time.
I turn to face James and take a deep breath. He’s already proven that he is more capable of handling an adult conversation than any of the guys my age, but this will be the biggest test of that yet.
‘We had a massive argument a few months ago,’ I say, thinking back to that dreadful night. ‘It was horrible. We both said some nasty things. But then Mum said the worst thing. She basically admitted to me that I had been a mistake.’
‘Ouch. She actually said that?’
‘Not in those exact words, but I could tell she was alluding to it. She was blaming not being a full-time writer already on the fact that I came along when she was young and forced her into getting a different job so she could look after me.’
James says nothing for a moment, and I worry I’ve confessed too much. We’ve gotten serious pretty fast over the last month, but maybe this is a little too deep even for us. But then he speaks again and shows that he is mature enough to handle this topic.
‘Wow. I knew things weren’t great, but I didn’t know they were that bad.’
‘Yeah,’ I say, shrugging my shoulders. ‘And it got worse after she said that. I said I blamed her for not knowing who my father is. I accused her of sleeping around.’
‘Ouch,’ James says, wincing, and the look on his face confirms what I already knew. I went too far with what I said to Mum. But then again, she went too far with what she said to me.
I feel a little teary as I recall that awful night a year ago, and James must be able to tell because he finally gets out of bed and comes over to join me by the dresser table.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he says as he brings me in for a hug.
I feel the strength of his arms around me, and it makes me feel much better, although I know it is only fleeting. I really wish he didn’t have to leave. I wish he could stay here with me all night and I could wake up to him telling me he loves me instead of my mum just telling me to get out of bed.
‘No wonder you want to go travelling,’ he says. ‘I’m surprised your mum just doesn’t give you the money for a flight. It sounds like she’d be happy for the space too.’
‘That would mean less money for what she wants to do,’ I reply, shaking my head. ‘She’s made it clear she isn’t willing to make any more sacrifices now.’
I wipe my eyes as James lowers
