“Yes, I do. I believe in myself.”
“In my book, that’s the same as not believing in anything. It’s mere selfishness. I had expected better from you, my dear.”
Anna was stung. However little she cared about the opinion of most of the world, she wanted to maintain Margaret’s respect.
“That’s not fair!” she said. Without thinking about it, she reached for her champagne glass and took a healthy swig.
“Do you like graduate school?” queried Margaret.
“Not particularly. It’s the same as before.”
“Why don’t you leave?”
“Because it helps pass the time. And for the moment, I can’t think what else to do.”
“That’s pathetic, my dear, if I may say so.”
“Why? Most people feel that way about their jobs. Why should I be any different?”
“Because you’re not most people. You have special gifts, and therefore special obligations.”
“Whatever you say.” Anna said it with a tone bordering on indifference.
“Stop feeling so sorry for yourself!” Margaret said sharply. “You’re not the first person in our line of work who ever had a rough break, and you’re certainly not the first to have been manipulated by Stone and the old boys. The corridors at Langley are full of people like you. But at least they have the gumption to stick it out.”
“He’s dangerous, Margaret. I’ve had it with him.”
“Of course he is. I tried to tell you that a year ago, but you wouldn’t listen. Now you think you’ve invented the wheel.”
“He’s more dangerous than you realize.”
“Possibly. But do you know something?”
“What?”
“Our old friend Edward is also right, in his way.”
Anna sat up straight in her chair. With this remark, Margaret had gone too far.
“Are you crazy? What could Stone possibly be right about?”
“About the Soviets. He’s right to think that for all their bullying, they’re terribly weak under the surface, and he’s right to think that we should give them a good hard shove, rather than accommodate them forever. And he is especially right about Afghanistan. If it weren’t for him, the mujaheddin would still be on their horses, batting around a sheep’s head.”
“Maybe so. But he’s also a liar and a shit. I don’t want anything more to do with him, or any of them. No matter how right they may be, they’re still wrong.”
“My goodness, dearie. You’ve become an undergraduate again.”
“I have not.” Anna drained her glass and poured another.
“Yes, you have. You want everything to go in one direction, and when it doesn’t, you decide to check out. In the real world, you’ll discover that much of the time, good people do bad things and bad people do good things. That makes moral choices rather more difficult.”
“You’ve been in the business too long.”
“No, my dear. The problem is that you haven’t been in it long enough. Which brings me to my point.”
“What point?”
“I want you to come back.”
“Where?” Anna looked toward the door.
“To the agency,” whispered Margaret.
Anna laughed aloud, not quite spontaneously or convincingly. “Are you kidding?” she said.
“No,” said Margaret softly. “I’m serious.”
“But I just told you. I think the business is amoral. The people in it are either con men or drones. Not that I care. It’s not my problem anymore. I’m finished.”
“Of course you care. That’s why they need you. You’re one of those rare good people who are strong enough to do good things. There aren’t enough of you at headquarters anymore. They’ve all gone. The old guard has left, and the new one hasn’t arrived yet. They need you.”
“Stop it.”
“I mean it. They need you. And if it’s morality you’re interested in, then I don’t see anything particularly admirable about parking yourself in graduate school. You’re about as moral here as a potted plant. This life is not worthy of you, my dear. It shows on your face. You’re bored stiff.”
“Still the recruiter. I would have thought you’d learned your lesson, with me at least.”
“You were a questionable recruit before, but not now. Now that you’ve had all the nonsense burned out of you, you may actually be able to accomplish something.”
“This is ridiculous, Margaret. No matter what I might or might not want to do, they wouldn’t take me back. Not for anything interesting at least. I’m trouble. I was part of a flap that everyone would rather forget. They were delighted to see me go.”
“Not so. Hinkle was, but he’s already packing his bags, and the new management would welcome you back with open arms. They know Stone played a dirty trick on you. I’ve talked to them about it. They think you’re a heroine.”
“They’re fools, then.”
“Tell me that you’ll think about it. They need you. And the fact is, you need them. You’re miserable here, and you know it.”
“Then I’ll do something else.”
“Like what? Go to law school? Sell municipal bonds? Don’t be silly. Once you’ve been in the intelligence business, you’re no good for anything else. It gets under your skin.”
“My skin is thicker now. Let’s drop the subject. It’s giving me indigestion.”
Margaret sighed. “All right, my dear. I just hate for you to give the old boys the satisfaction of saying they were right.”
“About what?”
“About women in the intelligence business. They’re all telling each other how your case proves that women can’t handle the stress of operations. They get the jitters, and then they quit.”
“I didn’t get the jitters.”
“Of course not. But you know how the old boys are. It wounds their vanity to imagine that a woman could actually do the job. They’re even claiming that you betrayed CIA operations to the Soviets during interrogation.”
“That’s a fucking lie.”
“Of course it is. That’s why I hate to see you give them the satisfaction.”
“Margaret, you are infuriating. How do I get you off my back?”
“By telling me that you’ll think about going back.”
Anna shook her head. “Why would I want to go back to all the lying and manipulation and secret mumbo jumbo? Explain that to me again.”
“Because you want to do something useful with your life. And because you want
