Her heart rate began to slow. Burning tears filled her eyes, and the lump in her throat made her wonder if speaking would even be possible. “I’m so sorry.” Her words came out soft and choppy.
“Baby . . . it’s okay.”
Her tears were falling now and she didn’t try to hide it in her voice. “No, it’s not. I hurt you so much. I was so stupid.”
“Laine, you don’t have—”
She stopped him. “Yes, yes, I do. And I need you to let me. I need you to let me say everything I need to say. I was so stupid and foolish. It was like when I was in Dubai and I met him, I let down my guard. One guard, then another guard. First it was a look. Then a conversation. Then a dance. And with each thing I did, I knew. I knew I shouldn’t be doing it. But with each step I took closer to the fire, my resistance weakened. And by the time I had any sense about me, it was too late. And I’m so sorry.” Her tears had become heaves now.
Mitchell was quiet, respecting her yet again.
“And I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again. Or talk to me again. Or love me again. I wouldn’t blame you for any of that. And no matter what, I’ll be okay now. I know that. Something has happened to me this week, Mitchell. Something I can’t explain. It’s like I can see things clearly. I can feel my heart coming alive again. But I want it to be alive with you. I want to share this journey with you. You have done nothing but love me. You’ve loved me so well.”
“And I still love you.” His words came like an agent of healing as salt water pours over a wound. They stung as the declaration of what she had violated, but they soothed as a declaration of what could be restored.
“You do?”
“I love you with all my heart, Lainey. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
“But can you forgive me?”
“I forgave you immediately. I was angry. Could have wrung your neck. But I forgave you. I knew you had to forgive yourself. And I knew that was the real barrier, not you loving me.”
“But with everything I said the other day, how can you love me now?”
“Because everything you said the other day was just another way of protecting yourself. Of staying in your shame. And I don’t want you to stay there, baby. I want you out of your shame.”
She sniffed. “I feel like I am. Honestly, the other night I came back to my room and I had been a real a—, um, butt, and a woman here had said some really hurtful and incredibly truthful things about me, and for the first time since all of this happened, I was able to see myself, really see myself. And all of that stuff that you’ve told me about healing and forgiveness, it just all seemed real in that moment. And it was almost like heaven itself reached down and took an eraser and erased all of the shame from my soul.”
“I love you so much. I’m so sorry you’ve hurt, baby.”
She looked up and laughed through her tears. This man amazed her. This man whom she had all but destroyed, completely disregarded, was sorry she had hurt. “Forgive me for hurting you.”
“You are completely forgiven. Now get home so I can marry you all over again and we can start this life we were supposed to be living.”
She sniffed hard and wiped at her face with the back of her hand. She would have given anything for a Kleenex, not even caring that her hair had blown completely free of its ponytail holder. “I can’t come home yet.”
“You do know there’s a hurricane headed right at you. They’re saying it’s a Category 3. That’s bad, Laine. You need to get home. Where are you right now? It’s so loud.”
“I’m outside.”
“Is that wind?”
“Yeah, it’s gotten pretty bad today. I don’t think they expected it to pick up this quickly.”
“Like I said, get out of there now.”
“I will. I promise. But I can’t yet. And by the time I can, I doubt there will be any more flights even heading out. I have a friend I have to help before I can leave, babe. It’s a really long story, but honestly, I’ve given her an incredibly hard time and I owe her this.”
“You have a friend? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you call anyone a friend. Is this really the woman I love?”
She laughed a half snort, half cry.
“Yep, it’s her,” he said. “Well, I’m coming to get you, then. You’re not going to endure a hurricane without me.”
“No, baby. You can’t come here. It’s too dangerous. I promise, I’ll be home by Sunday. It’s supposed to start heading in by tomorrow evening, and then, Lord willing, I can get out of here by late Sunday. If the airports are moving people in and out and the damage isn’t too bad.”
“Well, you hunker down and don’t be foolish. And when you get home—” he paused—“I’m going to marry you.”
She held on to that phone as if it were a lifeline. “Promise?”
“I promise. I’m so proud of you.”
“I’m so grateful for you. I love you, Mitchell Fulton.”
“You’ve always loved me,” he declared.
And she knew it was true. Another reminder of how completely he knew her.
* * *
Laine poked her head back inside Riley’s condo. Winnie was stretched out on the sofa, back to inhaling most of the Bahamian air. Apparently she couldn’t tarry one hour either. It was then that Laine realized how tired she really was. The gamut of emotions she had just run through had drained her completely. She walked into the other bedroom and stretched out across the hot pink comforter, and in a matter of minutes she was sound asleep.
20
