I shake my head. “You haven’t been to bed yet. Go home, get some sleep.”
“No.” The word is in a tone my son has never used with me before. “I’m not going to let you go alone. I don’t want you doing anything you’re going to regret later, or you can’t come back from.”
He knows me well. I nod.
***
Tony
We aren’t in the air ten minutes before Dominic sighs. “You weren’t surprised about the kid.”
I shake my head. “I wanted her pregnant. Did my best to make it happen.”
A sigh. “Fuck, Dad. Fuck.”
Nodding, I close my eyes as I lean back in the chair. “Now you know just how stupid I was.”
He gets up and stalks the length of the jet. “She was pregnant when she left. How the fuck could she do it? I saw her with you. The woman was in love. I don’t understand this shit.”
“It’s what I’ve been wondering for the last five years,” I admit.
“I tell you, Pop, your taste in women you marry has me worried. First my mom, then Christy.”
“Your mother.” I shake my head. “She wasn’t a great mother. She was far more concerned about her own happiness than anyone else’s, but I’ve said it before, and I mean it. I do not regret it for a single fucking second. Getting you and Anthony was worth everything. Your mother—fuck it. She was miserable because she lived a life that she felt she was forced into.”
I’m not sure if it’s right, but I want him to let go of the resentment he has toward her. “She was gay. And I’m not sure if it had anything to do with her being gay or not, but her father was a sick fuck who raped her when she was a kid. It was the reason her mother sent her overseas to a boarding school. Then he did it again when she came home. Her bitch of a mother didn’t do a damn thing to stop it either.”
“Jesus christ, are you serious?”
Shuddering with revulsion as I remember Theresa telling me, I nod. “She only told me because she was worried about Anthony. Her father was coming by almost everyday and acting too interested in him. It scared her.”
“Is that why they went back to Italy and never came back?” he asks, eyes wide.
I chuckle. “No, they never went to Italy. I killed the both of them.”
Laughing, he shakes his head. “I always wondered why they disappeared from one day to the next.”
“I hoped it would help your mom too. Maybe now that they weren’t in and out of the house and her life, she could let it go. It was too late. And she still had to hide who she was.”
“I had an idea,” he admits. “She and the neighbor lady...they were too close, you know? I’d walk into the room, and I always felt like I had interrupted something. Then when she died, the lady was a mess. Her and her husband moved away the next month.”
I shrug. “I didn’t care. Your mother cared more for appearances than I did. I sure as fuck wouldn’t have wanted anyone in the family finding out I’d married a lesbian, but I never really worried she was going to get caught with someone. And I never saw or heard anything.”
Shaking his head, he studies me. “One woman who didn’t want you and couldn’t leave you. Another woman who loves you, but leaves you. Women, sometimes they don’t make any fucking sense.”
“The moment I laid eyes on her, I wanted her. So I took her. I didn’t let her go even when she asked me to. It wasn’t something I could do. There was just this...I don’t know. Maybe this is all my hubris coming back to bite me in the ass. I was so sure she would settle down and into the life I saw for us.” I chuckle bitterly. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Men like me, I don’t deserve a happily ever after. Too much blood, too much destruction, not enough Hail Mary’s.”
“Shit, Pop, if you don’t, then neither do I. It doesn’t matter how many more men you’ve killed than I have. Blood is blood and we both have it on our hands. It’s like you and nonno said a long time ago, we don’t kill the innocents. All we’re doing is taking out the trash of this world. We’re a necessary evil, but we aren’t evil. I don’t believe it. I wouldn’t have agreed to having a kid with Regina if I believed that. I believe nonno said it more than a few times: We don’t get what we deserve. We get what we’re willing to fight for.”
***
Tony
The apartment complex is big. I don’t like it. I hate the idea of my baby girl growing up in this place with too much concrete and not enough green grass. It’s a minute before the door is answered after I knock on it. Dominic is at my back. A woman answers. She’s older, with graying brown hair, a soft smile, and brown eyes that go wide when she sees me.
“Mr. Sabatini, how wonderful to finally meet you. I’m Delia.”
Rosie cries, “Papa!” She runs and throws herself at me. I catch her and hug her tight. It takes a few seconds to remember to be careful with her. She’s so small, I marvel as I pull back enough to look at her. “You came to us. Mommy said you were busy with work that we would have to come to you. But you came.”
It’s a babbling mix of Latin and Italian. I freeze. They were coming to me? “I talked to Mommy today, and I couldn’t wait. We’re going home now.”
“Dominic! My brother! You are big.” Both Dominic and I are surprised by her words. I turn my
