It took all of two seconds to walk next door to Nathan’s condo. I was an anxious mess. Taking a deep breath, I clutched my stomach and tried to calm my racing heart. It was going to be fine. I’d charm him with my sparkling eyes and amazing cleavage my pushup bra gave me. I could do this. I wanted to do this. I’d waited almost my entire life to do this.
Oh god. Oh god.
Nope.
Calm. Cool. Flirty but not desperate.
Easy peasy.
I lifted a hand to knock when the door opened.
Nathan stood in front of me with a smug little smile. “Were you ever going to knock on the door?”
“I, uh…” I closed my eyes with a wince. Of course he had one of those obnoxious doorbell cameras. How could I have forgotten? “You watched me?”
“Just the last minute or so.” That smug little smile of his deepened into a genuine smile. “You look gorgeous, Maddie.” Nathan’s eyes did a survey of my body.
I burned like hell when his eyes lingered on my cleavage. It’d taken a lot of courage to stuff myself into the pushup bra, but suddenly I was glad for every inch of pinched skin currently on display.
“Thanks. You clean up pretty good, too.” I smiled as I mimicked his long perusal. Nathan was yummy per usu. Only tonight, he’d gone for a classier version of slacks and buttoned up shirt with an opened collar. The fact that his neck and knuckle tattoos were still visible made it all the yummier.
I still couldn’t believe this was happening.
“Thanks.” Nathan smirked like he knew exactly what I was thinking. “You ready to go?”
I nodded silently. I couldn’t talk for the pounding of my heart.
Nathan tapped the security panel inside and closed and locked the door. He reached out and grabbed my hand, holding it in his as he tugged me toward his SUV.
My heart fluttered at the casual contact. Like we’d done this a thousand times before. We had—in my dreams—but now that it was happening in real life, I was having a hard time breathing.
Nathan stopped next to his SUV and opened my door for me. He held my hand as I clambered inside, giving it a little squeeze before he let go and shut the door.
I bit my lip to suppress the squeal of excitement that I was dying to let loose.
Instead, I tried to play it cool and avoided his eyes as he climbed inside. I busied myself buckling my seatbelt. Nathan did the same on his side. He smoothly started the engine and slid his arm across the back of my seat as he turned to look behind us before he backed out. His hand ran over my exposed skin and cupped my right shoulder.
I swore I felt a zap the instant he made contact. My thighs clenched at his lingering touch and old school technique of backing up. He avoided looking at the backup camera display and instead relied on his mirrors and his own eyes.
When he put the SUV in drive and pulled forward, he kept his arm around my shoulders, touching me. Holding me.
I tried and failed to come up something to say. I didn’t want to talk about my work, shitty living situation, or the weather. What did the leave? Current events? I really didn’t want to ask him about his work. That was a minefield I’d rather leave alone. I wanted tonight to go well, and I had a feeling mentioning his brothers would only kill the mood.
I’d had so many conversations with Nathan before. Why is this so hard?
But Nathan apparently didn’t have any of the same misgivings.
“How was work?” He asked after we merged into traffic, his arm still around me.
“Exciting.”
“Really?” Nathan tossed me a quick look before turning back to the windshield.
“No.” I laughed. “It’s a library. I shelved books, talked to patrons, and helped someone with the copier. It’s not the most thrilling of jobs.”
“But you like it, right?”
I smiled down at my lap. “Aside from the usual drama of coworkers and bosses that happen no matter what you do, I love my job. There’s nothing else I’d rather do. I love books. I love helping people find the right books for them. I love seeing that look in a kid’s eyes when they’re excited to start reading a book…There’s nothing like it.”
Silence hummed in the vehicle after my now embarrassing outpouring. My cheeks heated, and I cursed myself for sounding like a nerdy loser.
“I can’t remember the last time I felt like that about work.” Nathan shook his head. “Maybe back before we started filming? But damn, it feels like ages ago. Years, at least.”
“Do you regret doing the show?”
“Sometimes. Today, for sure. But I can’t regret the fact that it saved Ryan’s life. If James hadn’t been working late that night when the Kings jumped Ryan… I can’t even imagine what would’ve happened to him. To all of us.”
I nodded quietly. I remembered that night vividly. Getting that call from Sabrina and not knowing what we’d be walking into in the hospital. All those hours in the waiting room, hoping like hell that he’d still be alive at the very least. It’d been horrible.
And I knew that Nathan still blamed himself for not doing more somehow. Not being there with Ryan. Not killing one or more of the Kings when we’d found out what’d happened. Nathan loved his family deeply.
“But lately work’s been…” Nathan trailed off and lifted a shoulder. “Part of it’s working with family. Everything is changing. Ryan has a baby and is getting married. Austin just proposed to Rachel. Dylan is MIA so much. It feels like I’m the only one who gives a shit about anything. It’s all falling apart, and no one even sees it, much less cares
