“I did go visit her, but your mum said she didn’t want to see me.” I argue “And she’s right, it’s my fault she was in danger and she’s much safer if I stay away and let her move on.”
“You’re a fucking idiot. Do you honestly think she’s better off without you?” She hesitates and starts picking at her nails, the same way that Mia does when she’s nervous. “If you tell her I told you this I will deny it but she’s as miserable as you are. She’s even staying with mum, so you know it’s as bad as it gets.”
She places a small, folded piece of paper onto the table in front of me. I stare at it for a few moments trying to figure out what it is.
“That’s my mum’s address. Sort yourself out. Win your fight on Saturday and then go tell her how you feel.” Lexi slides down off her stool and walks away, leaving me with only the low humming of the fridge to keep me company while I contemplate my next move.
I place the shiny but worn DVD in the tray, pushing it back in towards the little boxy television combined with a DVD player. Then I slide my finger over the button on the remote, pressing the play icon, and watching the opening sequence of The Notebook fill the sixteen-inch screen.
It's been almost a week since I decided to come back home, and I've probably watched it a hundred times. Mum keeps telling me that I should get myself back out there, but I just can't face it. I hate Ethan for what he did but as much as I try not to, I still love him.
It's been a tough couple of days. Living with mum again is not something I wanted, trying to get away from that future was the reason I took the stupid job in the first place, but I can’t keep sleeping on Lexi’s couch forever.
My phone pings beside me, and I glance down, hoping to see Ethan's name flash up on the screen. It happens every time my phone makes a noise and it’s always the same disappointment when it’s not him.
Saw again Ethan today. He was a total mess!
I sit frozen, staring at Lexi’s words, unsure how to reply. Then a second later my phone pings again.
I got the role!!!! On my way over with details.
Slumping down into my bed, I sigh. Feeling a mixture of sadness and relief, I text back.
OK, see you soon x
A lump rises in my throat as I think about Ethan. I throw on my dressing gown, remembering the last time we were together, I smile to myself as I tie it around me and head downstairs to get a glass of water.
“Hey.” I roll my eyes as I walk into the kitchen to see Ricardo, mum's latest plaything sitting at the breakfast counter. “Is mum at work?”
He stands up to greet me, wearing only a pair of tighty-whiteys, the huge tribal design etched in black ink poking out from his waistband. Mum, what are you thinking?
“Si.” His smooth Italian accent startles me for a second. “She be home soon.”
“Cool thanks.” I reach for a glass and fill it with ice cold water. “Drink?”
“No thank you. I go shower now.”
As he disappears into the dark corridor the doorbell echoes through the hall.
Confusion overwhelms me as I walk towards the door. Maybe Lexi forgot her key. Yes, that's got to be it.
I open the door to find Sarah standing on the porch nervously. Her dark brown hair is pulled off her face into her signature chignon and she's aged about ten years since I last saw her.
“You're a difficult woman to find.” She purrs as she shuffles on the spot.
“Obviously not difficult enough.” I retort, somehow angry that it's not him standing in front of me. “What do you want, Sarah?”
“Can we talk?” I move aside, making space for her as she walks past, removes her coat and elegantly drapes it over her arm.
As I lead her through to the lounge my chest begins to tighten.
“So…” I lower myself down into the edge of the sofa. “Why are you here?”
She follows my lead and cautiously takes a seat at the other end of the sofa, shuffling slightly sideways to face me.
“Look, I know I have been a bitch to you since you started looking after Madison…” Well, that’s the understatement of the century. “But I care about my brother and for some reason, he has fallen for you…” Another little dig, she can’t help herself. “And I know that you care about him too.” She waits for me to answer but I'm trying hard to fight back a river of tears.
I've cried more than an ocean's worth of tears over that man and I hate that he's constantly monopolising my thoughts. He was nothing that I wanted but everything I didn't know I needed, and it kills me that it’s not him here instead.
“How I feel about Ethan doesn't matter.” A single tear runs down my cheek, “It was just a fling.”
“If you honestly believe that then you're a bigger fool than he is.” Frustration builds up in her voice as she continues. “For a week now he's been skipping training and drinking heavily, trying to convince himself that he’s doing the right thing. He’s such a mess, I don’t even know how he managed to weigh in on target this morning.”
There it is. The real reason she is here. She wants me to pretend everything is alright and take him back, so he doesn’t lose the fight.
“If what we had meant so much to him, why didn’t he come and see me at the hospital?” The gates open and tears start streaming down my face, “Why doesn’t he care
