“Please don’t,” she breathes.
I ignore her words, shifting my head down, I kiss her, my tongue tasting her and filling her the way I wish that my cock could, and reclaim her as my own.
When I break the kiss, I turn my head, my eyes finding Mountain’s. “Let’s get the fuck back to Arizona,” I growl.
“Let’s go home,” Mountain rasps.
“Home,” I grunt.
I’ll give her a little time to lick her wounds. I’ll be back and when I am, I’m bringing her home.
Chapter Two
AVAH
Bringing my feet up to the seat of the chair, I wrap my arms around my shins and look out at the night sky. It’s been hours since Hawk kissed me, then did exactly what I told him to and walked away.
I didn’t expect it, not from him, not after all we’ve shared, but it shouldn’t surprise me. Hawk told me that he isn’t necessarily known for his staying power. I know he turned his back on Trista and her mom, though it wasn’t because he didn’t love Trista, he thought he was doing the best thing for her.
Maybe that’s what this is too? Maybe he thinks walking away from me is doing what’s best. I doubt it though, I’m more inclined to think that he had his fun and now he’s scraped me off, my demons and drama being too much for him to handle and I wouldn’t and don’t blame him, not in the least.
Turning my head, I watch my cell phone dance on the table, Trista’s name lighting up my balcony. I think about ignoring it, but decide against it. I wouldn’t want her to ignore me if the tables were turned.
Picking my device up, I slide my thumb across the screen and press the speaker icon.
“Hey,” I answer, trying not to sound as sad as I feel.
I doubt it works though, I’m sure that she can sense my melancholy demeanor, but she doesn’t mention it, because that’s Trista. She will wait for me to come to her, she’ll wait for me to unload my burden, whatever it is, on her, and then she’ll hold me or advise me, whatever she thinks that I need.
As far as I know, she doesn’t realize that what’s between me and Hawk is over. I don’t think she even knows what we really had anyway, I never confessed it to her, it just felt too intimate and it was just too good to last—I was right.
I’ve never had a friend before, but I have a feeling that Trista is one of a kind.
“Everything’s okay? If you’re not, I’ll come over there and stay with you.”
I snort. She would try, I’m sure. But I don’t need her to. I’m a big girl, at least mostly—kinda.
“I’m okay,” I partially lie.
I am okay, but I’m not. It’s a very weird feeling. I’m not sure exactly how I feel or if my emotions will change tomorrow, which I’m sure that they will. I’m under no illusion that the life changes I’m getting ready to embark on will no doubt cause a roller coaster of emotions day in and day out.
“But really?” she asks.
I hum, pressing my lips together. “Really, I’m okay and I will be just fine. I think that I needed all of this to happen. I was blind to who Layne really was, and now I’m not. I need a change. I’m going to downsize my place first, then find a job second. I’m going to be okay. I need to be alone and heal. I need to figure myself out, fall in love with myself, and then maybe one day, someone else will do the same.”
“I already love you, Avah,” Trista rasps with a sniffle.
She’s far too soft for this world. Even as a badass biker chick, she’s way too soft. Smirking, I lean back in my chair, my gaze shifting from the phone to the cityscape in front of me.
“I love you too, Trista. But I need to love myself.”
“You do,” she exhales. “You really do. I’m right here if you need me though. Don’t forget me.”
“Never,” I say “Not fucking ever.”
“Anytime at all, Avah. You just get in your car and come out here. I can’t believe this has all happened, that you’re not going to be right next door anymore. I wish you would just come back here and live. The club, someone could get you work if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“It’s not. I need to work through everything and stand on my own two feet for a while,” I say, admitting it aloud, it feels so odd.
I’ve never done anything on my own and succeeded though. I was homeless and then Layne scooped me up, fixed me up, and whored me out.
I can tell there is hurt in her voice when she speaks, it’s clear as day. I want to reassure her that everything will be fine, but I don’t. I can’t make promises, not like that. All I can do is tell her that if I need her, I’ll go to her, which is exactly what I do.
“Okay, I miss you,” she whispers.
Smiling, I sink my teeth into my bottom lip before I admit that I miss her too. I don’t tell her that I miss her father as well, because that would be weird. Once I got started talking about Hawk, I wouldn’t be able to stop. I’d tell her, in detail, all the ways that I miss her dad and then she’d probably puke everywhere.
We end the call, but I don’t move from my spot. I continue to stare out at the city, wondering what tomorrow is going to look like. Reaching for my phone, I tap on the Zillow app and start to look for apartments.
I don’t know anything about my finances, but I’m not so naïve to think that I can continue to stay in this fancy apartment now that I’m not working. Plus, when I do finally find a job,
