Peter slanted Ben a grin. “Well, most of us get better impulse control.”
“Blow me.”
“You wish.”
Jon waved the banter aside. “Ben, if you were fifty and Marcie was twenty-three, you’d be having the obvious epiphany about your mortality, trying to sate it in fancy cars and young girls, but that’s not what this is. You’re thirty-two and in love with an intelligent, vibrant woman nine years younger than you.” His blue eyes twinkled then. “And Peter’s right. You’re emotionally immature for your age. Marcie is extraordinarily mature for hers, so you’re a perfect fit.”
“She said you told her I never grew beyond age thirteen.”
“Which makes you emotional jailbait,” Peter pointed out.
Ben shook his head, rose, went to the window. With his usual impeccable timing, Matt started hitting on today’s business. Since the legal stuff wasn’t relevant for the first couple agenda items, it gave him a strategic moment to take a breath. They’d give him that. They were his friends, after all. His family.
He thought about how Marcie had walked into his office on those killer legs, with that come-hither smile playing around her lips. More than that, he remembered her eyes. Determined, playful…nervous. He’d picked up on the active submissive in that first instance, and it ran bone deep in her. So to do what she’d done, shoving herself at him like that…it had to have been hard.
A submissive woman was often strong and driven in her career, but in the bedroom she yearned to submit, to surrender. Marcie had combined her mundane persona with her D/s one, and that was a stress. He’d seen it when she broke outside his front door and pelted his windows with rocks. She was pushed to the limits, and he’d pushed her there. While he did that regularly as a Dom, he didn’t usually do it as a man, causing that kind of pain.
He’d deal with that. This time he really had to wrap his head around it, so he didn’t screw up again. He’d spent so much time vacillating, sending out mixed signals, and he couldn’t do that anymore. She deserved better from her Master. If he could just step away from his fucked-up head, he could work it through. Normally, he used the topspace he found as a Dom to help him with that, but he wanted his next session, every future session, to be with her, so it was a chicken and egg dilemma.
He was going in circles like a damn hamster. He wanted to go to her, talk to her. Right now. He didn’t want to wait another minute. This wasn’t a legal case he had to prepare. It had to be raw, from the heart, pure instinct. They could do without him in the meeting.
Lucas’ cell rang with the ringtone he used for Cassandra. Urgent by Foreigner. Ben glanced over his shoulder as Lucas picked it up. Maybe Cass was letting him know how Marcie was doing. Maybe Lucas would hand him the phone and Cass would tell him how Marcie was doing. Yeah right. As pissed as Lucas had been, Ben had a feeling it would take a truckload of diamonds to earn Cass’ forgiveness. Even then, he’d probably have to hide behind the truck’s steel reinforced cab. Cass kept a Beretta, after all.
“Hey, Marcie.” Lucas’ obvious surprise at finding Marcie on the line disappeared as his grip on the phone tightened, his eyes darkening with pain. “When? Okay. Are you with her? Okay. Just stay with her and the others. I’ll be right there. Let me talk to her.”
He shifted the phone to the other hand as the men rose, already anticipating the somber news. “Cassie? It’s all right, baby. I know. I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m on my way. You keep Marcie and the kids with you, all right? I’ll be there in a few minutes, promise.”
As he clicked off, Lucas met Jon’s eyes. “Jeremy died in Thailand early this morning.”
I went to visit Jeremy at spring break. He was good, different. He’s thin, looks like an old man, and he talks slow, moves slow. But when he looks at me, he sees me, he’s no longer strung out. He took my hand, held it. Sat with me on a stone bench and we looked at the mist-covered mountains outside the temple together. He didn’t say he was sorry, because it was as if he knew it wasn’t needed anymore. That wasn’t the same Jeremy. I cried all the way home on the plane. It felt bad to cry, but as much as I hated who he became on the drugs, he still isn’t the brother I used to have. I guess I hoped I’d get him back at some point. I was grieving him on the trip home as if he was actually dead. Please don’t ever tell Cass I said that.
Letter from Marcie to Ben, late sophomore year
All your secrets are safe with me, brat. Things change. You’re a different person to him as well. You just need to figure out what you can be to one another now. When Jonas was killed, Matt and I didn’t know each other well. I even resented him a little bit for being the real son of the only guy who was ever a decent father figure to me. But something inside said this was a relationship I didn’t want to throw away. Look deeper, and you might find something in Jeremy of equal or even greater value than what you lost. Things happen for a reason.
Ben’s response
Chapter Fourteen
Jeremy was cremated in Thailand. While Lucas and Cass were there with Marcie, coordinating the arrangements, Jon and Rachel stayed with the children. Ben, Peter and Matt covered Lucas and Jon’s workload at the office. Savannah handled
