“This is preposterous,” I’d said, and watched Ashlyn relax against the chair. “I’m taking her home.” And I did. We even stopped for a scoop of Jeni’s ice cream. Lavender. Our favorite. The next morning in class, her teacher apologized, and Ashlyn’s straight-A record was intact. I always wondered if those grades were for her, for me, or for her mom. Doesn’t matter, I guess.
Just like back then, I knew how to win over my daughter. She’d be happy for me. She would come around. Ashlyn and Tish had fun together. I’d witnessed it firsthand. Once she was over the shock of it all, she’d be fine.
And I was in love with a beautiful young woman who adored me. Win-win, I thought.
I shake my head at the memory. That day, like many others, did not go as planned. I’ve been so wrong.
“Earth to John.” Tish stares at me. What did I miss? What did I mess up? A neon-blue butterfly floats between us and glides away through the deep grass of the valley. I wish I could follow.
I need to take a break. From everything. “Can we sit? There’s a picnic spot just around the bend.”
Tish turns to keep walking in the lead. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I pull it out.
Text: I’m worried about you. Call me?
Well, that’s sweet. My heart thumps with excitement.
I text: I’m fine ☺ back tomorrow.
“What are you doing? Texting during our hike? Who is so important?” Tish grabs at my phone, but I delete the texts and shove the phone into my pocket. I’m tired of her snooping, of her trying to get into my business. She tries to control everything.
“It’s none of your business!” I yell too loudly, and now I’m dizzy. Damn it. I feel my legs buckle and I hit the trail with a thud, landing on my knees before sitting down. That’ll be two big bruises on my kneecaps, but I learned my lesson last time I toppled over up here. Bend your knees and drop. It’s more than nine thousand feet.
Tish’s shadow falls over my face. “We are a team. We’re married. We’re in love. We worked together until yesterday. We share everything. You are my business. I don’t appreciate sharing your attention during our romantic weekend.”
I don’t appreciate her tone. I must admit I don’t appreciate her much at all anymore. I force myself back to my feet, dusting the trail dirt off my shorts. “You’re right, dear. We are married.” For right now. But not for much longer. Suddenly it’s all clear. I’ll make it through this weekend and then beg Kate to take me back if she’ll have me. Will she?
No, stop, I’m getting ahead of myself. First things first. I need to calm down. I take a deep breath and gaze at the top of the majestic mountains, jagged blue peaks against a forever sky.
I wish I were alone, with time to think. I would take a leisurely stroll through the old town of Telluride, a town wedged into a box canyon surrounded by cliffs. Or go white-water rafting, or relax in the golf clubhouse after a round. But I’m not alone. I just need to get through this weekend with the least amount of stress. Once we’re back home, I’ll make my play. I’ll move out, get some space.
Fix things with my real family.
In the past few weeks, Kate and I have been laughing together again. We’ve even sneaked away to a couple of lunches, couching them as business appointments. I’ve been swinging by her office, catching up, making plans. We’ve reconnected, I think.
Was it too much to hope for that Kate might even forgive me one day and take me back?
I remember our last meal together. Kate and I sat in the corner of what used to be our favorite restaurant, almost like nothing had changed although everything had.
“John, you don’t look good,” Kate said.
“Why, thank you,” I answered. “I’m fine, really. I do appreciate your concern, though. It’s nice to know you care.”
Kate tilted her head and leaned forward. “I always did. It’s you who stopped caring. But anyway, just promise to get enough sleep. I hear that’s the secret to a healthy life.”
“Yes, I read the study, too. Thanks, Katie.” I wasn’t allowed to call her that, not anymore. And yet, she allowed it.
“You’re welcome. Make sure you’re taking your blood pressure meds, too. Don’t forget. We only have one more week until the IPO. I’m worried about you, even though it’s not my place now.”
“I want it to be your place. Thank you,” I said, my heart pinging with guilt and renewed love. She still cared about me. She and I both knew how much stress was coming our way with the IPO scheduled. That’s why she gave me a bottle of relaxation pills from her naturopath. She was taking them, too. Said it helped her, and she knew I needed it more. We both felt overwhelmed. But only one of us had an unhappy, demanding spouse. My heart was taking a beating, and much of it was self-inflicted. I was such a fool.
When the waiter appeared, we both leaned back. The moment was over, but I knew our love wasn’t. I felt something reconnecting between us. It’s like finding a favorite sweater that was at the bottom of your drawer, and you pull it on, and
