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behavior; they are also profoundly influenced by their social setting (e.g., the college campus), their peers, and the times. In other words, college students and young alumni are not merely acting in isolation; society is providing a script for them to follow. Preliminary studies indicate that hooking up is the dominant script on campuses today, but this does not mean that everyone is following this script in the same way, or even at all. What it does mean is that there is a way of getting together that exists at the center of college life. Although those in the margins are many, they still recognize the dominant script and are affected by it.
In the chapters that follow, I will explore how one’s environment affects how young singles begin sexual and romantic relationships both in college and after. The best place to start understanding the way men and women get together today is by looking at how they got together in the past. In chapter 2, I will look at the rise and fall of dating in the early twentieth century through the mid-1960s and the ensuing rise of the hookup.
With this foundation in place, I will let the words of the men and women I talked with illuminate their intimate lives. In chapter 3, I describe the hookup scene on campus, showing how it happens, with whom, and under what circumstances. I also explore the sexual norms of hooking up, highlighting how they differ from the dating era. In chapter 4, I will discuss the features of the modern college campus that made it conducive to the emergence of a hookup culture. I also consider how other factors, such as fraternity/sorority membership and alcohol use, affect participation in hooking up. In chapter 5, I examine how college students are influenced by their peers. Specifically, I will consider how students’ perception of what others are doing sexually affects their own behavior. In chapter 6, I focus on how participation in the hookup culture is different for men and women. I also examine how the traditional sexual double standard applies to the hookup culture.
In chapter 7, I turn to a discussion of life after college. I present alumni accounts of how the singles’ scene changes once students leave campus. I explain why men and women favor traditional dating once they are situated in a new environment. In chapter 8, I conclude by comparing and contrasting the traditional dating script with the modern hookup script.
As you begin reading this book, try to put aside what you have heard in the media about hooking up. Before deciding whether you believe hooking up is something to be concerned about or celebrated, let’s 10
I N T RO D U C T I O N
first look at what it is and how it came to be. In my own analysis, I found some aspects of hooking up to be less troubling than is often assumed, and other aspects very troubling. In the end, the script in any given period should not be analyzed for the purpose of deeming it “good” or
“bad,” but to understand the role it plays in our lives. I know that what I present here will not be the last word on hooking up, but I hope it will make a significant contribution to the growing scholarship in this area.
I have spent the last six years immersed in all things related to hooking up and dating. By talking with college students and “twenty-something” college graduates, I have come to understand how private matters are part of something bigger. That is, our personal stories of sexual encounters and relationships are inextricably linked to the social context in which we find ourselves. Although the accounts of the men and women who talked with me cannot capture the experiences of all college students and young alumni, I hope that by listening to them the reader will take away a deeper understanding of how modern relationships begin in college and beyond.
2
From Dating to Hooking Up
In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking Now heaven knows anything goes . . .
The world has gone mad today and good’s bad today And black’s white today and day’s night today When most guys today that women prize today Are just silly gigolos.
The lyrics of this Cole Porter song titled “Anything Goes” are telling.
They speak of a lax in society’s propriety and values; the irony is that the song dates back to the 1930s. Messages like this one convey a sentiment that rings true in any time period: change is scary. As society tries to come to terms with the changing mores of today’s youth, there is a tendency to characterize the change as frightening. In one magazine ed-itor’s opinion, adolescent morality may be “tumbling toward Shanghai on a sailor’s holiday.”1 The implication is that the ways of the past were superior.
Many media pundits have called for a return to a more traditional style of courtship. Again, the gist is that the old way is the better way. I agree that it is helpful to examine today’s hookup culture in light of the dating era. However, we should take a closer look at what young people were actually doing in the past before we long for a return to it.
Uncovering how young people became sexually intimate in the past is a difficult task given that information on the intimate aspects of life did not exist prior to the twentieth century.2 What we do know about earlier Western societies is that the process for most young middle- and upper-class people to find potential mates was heavily monitored by parents, their families, and their communities.3 This close supervision ensured two things. First, there
