So why did it feel so wrong?
When I was alive, women told me I was unlovable. Surcy made me believe they were wrong. But maybe she was just crazy.
I don’t even love myself.
12
Surcy dressed in jeans and a black shirt. While she was putting on her boots, she looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her clothes were getting tight. Instead of hanging off of her, they were hugging her curves. She couldn’t decide if it was sexy, or just meant she needed to get some new clothes.
Daniel would probably say the latter.
Anger flared within her. She was so sick of his attitude. She didn’t know what the hell crawled up his butt, but she had started avoiding him like the plague.
There was a knock at her door.
A smile touched her lips. Mark always knocked, even though he’d been sharing her bed since he’d been hurt.
“Come in!”
But when the door opened, it was Tristan. “May I speak to you a moment?”
She nodded, as a tingle moved down her spine. This man did things to her. Every time she looked at his big hands, she thought of what they felt like touching her. When he spoke, her gaze was glued to his mouth, remembering what his kiss was like.
And she hated that she wasn’t able to hide her thoughts better.
He seated himself at the little white chair in front of her vanity. Looking like an adult squeezing into a kid’s chair.
She smiled. How could such a big man be so quiet? So gentle?
“I would like to discuss Daniel.”
Her happiness fled, and every muscle in her body tensed. “Why?”
“He is not himself, and I feel the change has to do with something that happened between the two of you.”
She raised her chin. “I didn’t do a thing. The guy just has a giant stick up his ass that someone needs to help him remove.”
Tristan lifted a brow. “Daniel is volatile. All fire mages are, but something triggered his mood.”
“You’d have to ask him about that!”
The big man sighed. “You too have been having sex for some time.”
It took her a minute to realize her mouth was hanging open before she closed it. “You knew?”
He shrugged. “It wasn’t hard for an astute observer to notice.”
Her heart raced. “We worried you guys would be mad.”
“Mad?” he shook his head. “I would not be mad that my good friend and the woman we love were having sex. I would caution you about taking such an action with him though. As you have seen, Daniel’s feelings run deeply, and he is not good at handling them.”
“Us having sex didn’t start this.”
He didn’t look convinced. “How much time have you and Daniel spent getting to know each other?”
She felt her cheeks heat. “I mean, we live together, so it isn’t like we’re strangers.”
“Two people can live together and not know one another. Think about roommates. About loveless marriages. Connecting with someone takes time and energy.”
Something about his words made her uncomfortable. “I guess we don’t know each other all that well, but we do know each other.”
“So he spoke to you of his difficult childhood and of his many failed relationships?”
She stiffened. “No, I guess… I didn’t really think about it.”
Tristan was silent for a long minute. “Fire mages are rare. From a young age they are sensitive. They cry often, anger easily, and sleep little. Most are given away. Like Daniel, who grew up in many different foster homes. But unlike most mages, he did not understand what he was until he became an adult. He had no one to guide him in his magic and no one to warn him.”
“Warn him?” she repeated, clenching her hands in her lap.
“Fire fuels fire mages. It makes them stronger and more powerful, but it also makes them crazed. Like a drug addict needing their next fix. They can function normally, using their magic just when needed, but it takes a lot of time and training… which Daniel was never given. He grew to be a man who was passionate. Successful in business. He had cars, homes, and material possessions. Many ‘friends’ clung to him at clubs as he showered them in gifts and liquor. But he had few who truly cared for him.”
Tristan stared off for a moment, as if lost in thought. “When he describes his life, it is first with a zest for all the things he had. But in quiet moments, he describes a very lonely man, desperate for human companionship. He reached for women to make him feel whole, but none knew him well enough to see the broken child within him. When they walked away, it only made him feel more worthless. And so, he turned to his fire more and more. But a fire mage cannot endure the flames forever. And one day they killed him.”
“I—I had no idea.”
“When we journeyed together in the demon realm, he reached for fire every time he hurt. And we would stop him. We were there for him. His friends no matter what side of himself he showed. The day he realized we would not abandon him no matter what, he broke. Never had he imagined that people could see his flaws and still love him.”
Her eyes stung. “That’s awful.”
“I am protective of Daniel in a way that I am not of Mark. Mark is a man who has known love. Who has known kindness. And even though he has also been hurt and known cruelty, he can process his feelings in a way Daniel cannot. When I see you with Daniel, I see a side to you that I do not like. I feel that you have not taken the time to see him for who he is, and you crush him with a reckless cruelty you do not understand.”
“That’s not true!” she argued.
Tristan held up a hand. “Sensitive people lead difficult lives. They either find people
