“That’s not true. He’s different. But you don’t want to see it. You just want everyone around you to be as miserable as you are.”
“You’re going to be even more miserable than I am when he stomps all over your heart again,” Tal says. “And maybe I don’t want to be the shoulder you cry on for the next several years.”
“I’ve never cried on your shoulder since the first night…”
“Metaphorically, you have been using me as a crutch since he dumped you. I know why too, because I remind you of him.”
“You and Sage are nothing alike!” I yell at him.
“The tats, piercings, and hair dye don’t change the fact that I’m his identical twin.”
“If you’re saying you’re done with me, then I couldn’t agree more,” I reply. “Especially now, after Sage and I…”
“Fucked? That doesn’t change a damn thing and you know it,” he says. “You’re not back together. I know my brother. He had eight years to change his mind and he didn’t. All this is right now is his suppressed needs catching up to him.”
“His suppressed needs?” I repeat.
“You know his rule about abstaining while training for a fight. He probably went months without even giving himself a shower tug. That sort of shit makes men crazy after a few weeks.”
“So, you’re saying that Sage is using me to just get off?”
“Probably,” Tal says simply. “That hunger doesn’t ever go away. And he doesn’t date. All he’s had is his hand for years, and he even wills himself to refrain from that because he wants to win so badly.”
“I don’t believe that,” I tell him while blinking away tears. “Why are you being so hateful?” I ask. “Are you jealous, Tal?”
“Jealous of being used like a fuck doll?” he responds. “Nah, you can keep that shit.”
“Fuck you, Tal,” I tell him before I have to get away from him. I know he’s unhappy with his life, and I never blamed him for being so depressed he tries to drown the pain with alcohol and drugs. But I never thought he could be so cruel as to try and bring me down with him.
By the time Sage comes out of the shower, I’ve dried my tears. But when he climbs into bed on top of me naked and kisses me, I’m not able to forget Tal’s words from earlier.
“You’re so fucking sexy I can’t keep my hands or mouth off of you,” he says as his lips and tongue move down to my neck.
And while I want him as many times as I can have him in case Tal is right and he goes back to not wanting anything to do with me when his memories come back, I find myself asking him, “Can we just cuddle a little while?”
“Yeah, sure, baby. Whatever you want,” he says. Rolling off of me and to his side, he pulls me to him and hikes my thigh up and over his to run his palm up and down my leg. “Everything okay?” Sage asks.
“Just thinking about how I wish Tal wouldn’t have unloaded all of that on you.”
“Oh. Right,” he says, his hand stilling on the back of my knee. “Why do I get the feeling he’s angry at me about something? Things feel different between us.”
“Ah, yeah, I don’t think the two of you have been very close the last few years.”
“Why is that?” he asks. “Wait. Tal went off to college when you did, right?”
“Yes. You remember?” I say in surprise.
“I think he mentioned it earlier, and now I do remember him packing up his things into boxes back at our parents’ house. I hated he was leaving, and I remember sort of wishing I could go with him.”
“To college?”
“Yeah. That’s when he told our parents he didn’t want to fight anymore and that he wanted to study…” Sage squeezes his eyes and then says, “Psychology?”
“Yes, that’s right!” I say as Sage opens his eyes and flashes me a smile so breathtaking that it makes my heart turn to goo. I never got over him, and I don’t think I ever will. Shaking those thoughts away, I tell him, “Tal started out in psychology, and then he transferred to history.”
“Right. Yeah. I sort of remember that too,” he says. “And you were studying business?”
“I was. I did. I started my own marketing business a few years ago.”
“That’s great, Eden. I’m so proud of you,” Sage says, giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek. “You looked so happy and beautiful at graduation.”
“You remember graduation too? College?”
“Blue caps and gowns with gold tassels,” he says.
“That’s right,” I say, both relieved and a little sad that he’s remembering so much. I want him to have his memories back, I do. It’s just, I’m not sure how he’ll react when he remembers that Tal and I were together just before his concussion…
“You and Tal got to do all the normal college things while I worked out and trained day in and out, the same old thing. I should’ve come to visit more on the weekends.”
“Yes, you should have,” I agree with a sad smile. That’s what I always wanted, for Sage to show up at my dorm one Friday afternoon, tell me he wanted to try and make long distance work, and then spend the entire weekend with me in bed. I dreamed about it all the time. But that never happened. He didn’t even come to see Tal. He always said he was “too busy”; and while I know Tal missed him, I think he liked having a little privacy for once in his life away from his family.
Thinking of Tal makes me feel guilty for spending time in Sage’s bed, knowing how alone he is.
So, even though I don’t want to leave, I promised Tal one day and night.
“You know, I really
