“There you go, putting words in my mouthagain. I didn’t mean that at all.” He swirled the coffee in his cupand shifted uncomfortably. “But you did seem to enjoy it.”
She jerked the plug out of the sink and driedher hands. “I did.” She looked him straight in the eye. “Does thatshock you?” She threw the towel on the counter. “Well, it shocksme.” She swung around and left the kitchen. It was time to pack.After breakfast tomorrow she would leave. He managed without ahousekeeper before she came, and he could get along fine now. Maybea housekeeper wasn’t what he had planned on hiring in the firstplace.
CHAPTER TEN
After Cade left the next morning she phonedMary. She had to have some place to stay until she found anotherapartment. Hopefully, she could get her job at the diner.Swallowing her pride, she dialed Mary’s number.
When Mary answered, Cynthia stammered aroundabout the weather and every other subject she could think of. ButMary wasn’t fooled.
“What’s the matter, Cindy?”
Cynthia pushed her glasses up the bridge ofher nose with an index finger and cleared her throat of thatnauseating lump. “I need a place to stay,” she finally blurtedout.
“You’re always welcome here. I told youthat.” She waited a moment, but curiosity got the better of her.“What happened? Did you get fired? I can’t believe that.”
“No, he didn’t fire me, but I can’t stay hereany more. Not the way things are.”
Mary was silent again for a few moments andwhen she spoke it was in a controlled voice.
“All right Cindy. Out with it. What happened?Did you two...?” Her voice trailed off suggestively.
Cynthia wiped a tear off her cheek and whenshe spoke, her voice didn’t sound like her own. “You tried to tellme, but I was too arrogant to believe it could happen to me.”
In chopped off sentences she explained thesituation to Mary. “I don’t know how it happened. He was alwaysso... disinterested, and then all of a sudden...“ She started tocry. “Oh, Mary. You were right,” she sobbed. “It’s all my fault. Ishouldn’t have come out here. I shouldn’t have flirted with him. Iput the idea in his head. I can’t believe I actually... twice. Ifeel so ashamed. I’m such a hypocrite.”
Mary’s voice was compassionate. “Don’t be sohard on yourself. After all, you were half asleep and thought youwere dreaming. Remember, he woke you.” Mary sighed. “It’s probablythe strongest urge you’ll ever experience. What’s worse, you wereso naïve - and you love him.”
“But after the first time, I should haveknown. I did know. I just convinced myself we were going to make itright. I rationalized myself right into his bed - right where Iwanted to go. Am I some kind of a nymph? Am I completely lacking inself discipline?”
Mary was silent a long time and then shefinally spoke. “Cindy, sleeping with Russ isn’t the worst thingthat has happened to you. Listen to yourself. You’ve lost almostall of your self-esteem. You’re asking questions I can’t answer.They’re questions you’re going to have to answer for yourself.Maybe it would be a good idea for you to stay out there a while andfind the answers.”
“Stay here?” Cynthia gasped. “You’re the onewho told me I shouldn’t come out here in the first place. Or is itbecause now I have nothing to lose?”
“It’s because you have everything to lose.”Mary answered quickly.
“Every day I stay in this house I degrademyself further. He doesn’t want to marry me.”
“Why should he? He has everything he couldwant, without the commitment.” She ignored Cynthia’s horrifiedgasp. “Don’t look at the past so negatively. You’ve gained somevaluable experience about how things can get out of control soquickly. You can run away from him, stay in the same relationship,or set your foot down and get things back into control. Which waydo you think will help you regain your dignity?” A short pause,then: “Of course, it’s your decision. You’re welcome here no matterwhat - just pack up and come over. But think about what I said,OK?”
And so it was that Cynthia decided to stay onthe ranch. Things returned to normal - almost. Except now there wasa strain on their relationship. It was obvious that Cade couldn’tunderstand her sudden change of behavior, but he made no furtherattempts to seduce her. She couldn’t say he was less attentive - onthe contrary. Maybe he knew he was about to lose a goodhousekeeper. Maybe he realized their relationship was immoral.Whatever the case, he kept his distance. That created anotherproblem. If he refrained from making advances, how could she knowif she was capable of resisting him? But then, hadn’t she alreadydone so when he tried to kiss her at the sink two weeks ago? Had itbeen that long since she talked to Mary? Tonight she would have tocall her - after she and Cade returned from their ride.
This time they started out heading west, intoa maze of arroyos and low brush. Occasionally they ran across smallherds of cattle and she began to realize how large his ranchactually was. No wonder Cade was gone all the time. She glanced athim as he rode beside her.
“Why don’t you drive out here with yourtruck? You could cover more area that way.”
He nodded. “Sometimes I do, but most of thetime it’s simply impractical. I’d travel so far and then I would bestopped by a gully or a creek. If I didn’t bring a horse orsomething, I’d be afoot from then on.”
“But you could put an ATV in the back of yourtruck.”
“I know.” They rode in silence for a fewminutes and finally he looked up. His lips twisted into a wrysmile. “I know people think I’m crazy, but I’d like to keep theranch as near its natural state as possible. I’m not opposed totechnology, I simply enjoy the work.” He turned his horse andbeckoned for her to follow. “Come here. I’ll show you something. Ithink you’re one of the few people who would truly appreciateit.”
They rode up a long slope and topped out,overlooking a small fenced-in valley. It was situated in such a waythat it collected all the moisture from the
