Nia nodded.
Behind her, the lights of the city were a blur and it created a painting that was being etched into his memory forever.
This was a moment in his life that he didn’t want to ever forget.
But that didn’t mean it was going to change his mind.
His voice was hoarse when he finally managed to speak. “I don’t think Riv explained it all to you… I’m not… A female like you deserves…”
“You?”
Ka’Cit hung his head, resting his forehead against hers.
She didn’t understand.
His heart broke, shattering within him.
This was what he’d been running from all those weeks before.
This was why he hadn’t told her everything.
He could take rejection from any other female…but not from her.
He didn’t want to see the scorn in her eyes.
He didn’t want to hear her say it—to say he wasn’t worth it…to hear those words would kill him.
“Not me,” he finally managed to say.
He could never give her everything she deserved.
He would never be enough.
“You deserve better. I’m not… I’m not human. I’m hardly even Merssi.”
There was a reason he didn’t talk about this and if his eyes could leak water like hers did when she was feeling deep sorrow, he was sure they’d be leaking now.
“Ka’Cit…I don’t care…”
He held her away from him then, his gaze forceful. “You don’t understand. I am defective. I will never be able to give you children. Did Riv tell you that?” Everything was ripping apart within him. “You can never have a family with me. My seed does not produce young.”
Her gaze studied him as he continued. “In our past, momors and sarans used to sacrifice males like me to the gods…They thought the gods were angry at them for giving them chids like me. Those who weren’t cast out like I was met that end, but my momor was too weak. She spared me and sent me away. I’ve been alone since then. I’m destined to be alone. It is a curse I do not wish for the one I love most to bear. I—”
Nee-ya’s lips against his cut off the rest of his speech and despite that he knew he should push her away, his body melted against her lips.
This was why he’d stayed so far away. This was why he hadn’t even called.
He couldn’t resist her.
He’d never be able to.
“Nee-ya…”
“Shh…don’t speak.”
As her tongue dipped into his mouth, brushing over his fangs before stroking against his, Ka’Cit let out a groan.
The hover car was just on the edge of the plain now and he knew that soon, he’d have to say goodbye one more time.
The thought made his insides clench and twist.
He didn’t know how he was going to do it again.
So he held her.
He pulled her to him, his mouth crashing against hers.
She somehow found her way into his lap and he gripped her hips. He could feel her sweet soft body underneath her clothes and all he could think about was that time on the service satellite, her body beneath his, the taste of her in his mouth.
Oh how he wanted to take her right here, right now—to drink on her sweet nectar till he was sated.
“Ka’Cit,” she breathed his name on his lips.
“Nee-ya,” he whispered.
“I love you too.”
His entire body stiffened.
The only thing that still swelled and jerked was within his trousers, straining to reach her.
Had he heard correctly?
“S-say that again?”
“I love you. I don’t care what your society thinks is right or wrong. To be honest, it seems pretty fucked up to me.” She rested a palm against his cheek. “You are perfect. Everything about you. I know you want me. I can tell that now. I was a fool to think otherwise, too caught up in my own ego and too scared to go for what I wanted at the same time. And I want you too. I don’t need babies or a big family. I need a man who isn’t scared to give up everything to come after me. A man who allows himself to get captured just to protect me. A man who loves me with his all. You, Ka’Cit. I want you.”
He could only gulp again.
What she was saying…
Phek.
He was dreaming.
“Nee-ya, I—” What could he even say?
That she might think she wanted him now, but he’d seen what pain can do to a mating.
That he’d seen it in his own mother’s eyes, the slow dying as his saran and momor had fought constantly because of him.
That he didn’t want to be the cause of the sadness in her eyes when her life became incomplete?
That seeing such a thing would hurt more than her rejection ever could?
“It’s not just a family I can’t give you. I…” A breath shuddered through him.
Phek.
Now, this was harder than anything he’d had to face so far.
“…The life I lead…it’s dangerous. I have enemies…”
Nia smiled and it broke his concentration. “I have enemies too. As a matter of fact, it looks like we have some of the same enemies. Does it look like I’m scared of them?”
Ka’Cit blinked.
Some people called him crazy, but he was beginning to wonder if she was just as crazy as he was.
“You watch my back. I’ll watch yours.”
Ka’Cit’s mouth opened to respond yet no words came.
As the autopilot adjusted the speed of the hover car and the wind around them picked up, all he could do was stare at her.
All the arguments he’d used to convince himself as to why he should stay far, far away from her crumbled to dust.
Suddenly, nothing made sense and he dared to hope.
But…
Still…he had to make it clear.
A part of him still didn’t believe she understood.
“La-rehn is bearing young. I saw her rounded belly. I am happy for Riv, but…” his gaze fell, “I could never give you that. I will never be able to…”
Her hand found his chin and lifted it so he was looking into her eyes once more. Then she smiled.
“You’re such a badass out there, in the cosmos, yet, right now, you’re
