“Eva. Eva?” Nathan’s deep voice snaps me out of my thoughts. He’s watching me with a bemused smile.
“Oh, sorry. I was…rehearsing tonight’s new choreography in my head.” Dah! Couldn’t I have come up with a better excuse?
Nathan flashes one of those smiles I’ve just been reminiscing about. “And here I was hoping you were pondering when we should meet again.”
I throw the ball back into his court. “Oh, I don’t want to propose something that doesn’t fit into your schedule. I know how much you enjoy planning anyway.”
His brows crease. “I don’t know, Eva. Somehow the behaviors that came naturally to me a few days ago don’t anymore. Not when I’m with you.”
“Oh? Is that a good or a bad thing?”
Nathan cocks his head to the side. “That depends. Is feeling like a fish out of water the start of a new adventure, or a sign that one is losing himself?”
“Both probably. I think…”
The image of Nathan standing in his living room like he was being haunted by a ghost flashes through my mind and I swallow back my words.
“What do you think, Eva?” Nathan’s chest pivots to me, and I can’t help but recall our first meeting when he told me what a telltale sign it is if somebody turns their entire torso to their partner. He really wants to hear what I think.
“I‘ve done enough unsolicited analysis of you today, no?” I add a warm smile to my question so he understands I don’t intend any harm.
Nathan’s forehead creases as if he’s just realized where I’ve been heading with my thoughts.
It’s his choice now. If he changes the subject, I’ll just let him. All of us have lies we tell ourselves. Lies we have a hard time letting go. I should know it better than anyone.
He surprises me by saying, “What you said about my father earlier…it brought up a memory I didn’t even know I had…” He pauses and sighs deeply.
“What was it?” is on the tip of my tongue, but I squeeze my jaws to keep it in. I was already too fast with my words once, because I thought it would help Nathan if he considered the possibility that he might be unwittingly following a dead man’s path instead of his own. I won’t make the same mistake again.
Nathan rubs his neck, his eyes fixed on my face, but I’m not sure he’s actually seeing me as he speaks. “The details aren’t important…but it was my last talk with my father. A few hours after that, he was taken to the hospital and died by a cerebral aneurysm. The doctors said he had worked himself literally to death.”
“Oh, Nathan.” I reach out and take his hand.
His eyes regain focus and our gazes meet.
I’m aware that I might be overstepping his boundaries again, but I can’t hold it in any longer. “I’m sorry for my hasty comment earlier. I know what a struggle it is to go against the expectations that the deceased have for us.” Given that I’m defying those of my mother in this very moment by feeling what I feel for you. “But sometimes, we just need to do what our heart”—along with a zealous grandmother and a dreamy cousin—“tells us to do.” I clear my throat. “Anyway, your true vocation may not even be be different from what your father wanted.”
Nathan’s brows arch and his mouth opens slightly.
I continue with one breath, afraid that if I inhale, my ideas will get jumbled up. “I believe that you’ll be a great CEO. Just be you when you do it. All of you.”
He bends towards me and caresses my cheeks. “Thank you, Eva. And for the record, I’m pretty sure that it’s the sign of a new adventure.”
It takes me a second to realize what he’s referring to, but when I do, my chest stutters. It’s my turn to be honest with him now. “I also have something to put on the record…”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. The fact that you, too, make me feel out of my element. A lot.” A wave of heat flashes through me as I say these words.
I don’t know how I managed the courage of uttering them—so revealing and so unlike my normal cautious self. But I’m tired of fearing that, if I show Nathan just how interested I am in him, this connection between us might dissolve into nothing, and he’ll tick me off his list as a victory.
A sign that I’ve truly changed.
Nathan sucks in a breath. “Eva, Eva…what are you doing to me? Normally I’d be pleased to hear this. I like to have an unsettling effect on people. But with you? I don’t want that. I want you to feel at ease with me so that you…” His eyes dip to my lips and his voice becomes huskier. “I know what I want, Eva. But what is it that you want? “
I swallow. “Right now?”
“Yes, right now.”
I watch his pupils dilate.
Is he thinking…? Oh, goodness.
I keep staring into his eyes as he starts to inch closer.
Confused voices scream at each other in my head.
Mom’s voice yells that I’m being silly and heading to sheer disaster and hurt. Abuelita’s argues that I need to go with the flow and give my happiness a chance. Laia’s dreamy one is picking the perfect shade for my wedding dress. No, no! I don’t want my first kiss with Nathan to be like this. Not with my mother, grandmother, and cousin shouting at me.
Nathan cups my face, and my mind goes into shutdown. It’s as if his touch stops all the haywire in my brain, forcing me to focus on the present. The voices disappear and it’s just me and him. In this blissful silence, the only noise I hear is the hammering in my ribcage and Nathan’s hitched breath. And these sounds make it clear what we both want.
Nathan raises his brow. “Eva…may I?” He is
