As much as the women are trying to say their piece and reinvent themselves, the reunions can serve a larger agenda for Bravo: They can be a determining factor for deciding who stays, who goes, and when to pull the plug on a series itself. I’m sure that one of the reasons the DC Wives were so forthcoming at their reunion was that in their minds, the pickup of their show was in jeopardy and they had to deliver. And deliver they did, but their instincts were correct: The show was in jeopardy, and even a lively reunion ultimately couldn’t justify another season. In the end, the Housewives shows are still about telling the women’s stories, and if the story being told has no chance to grow or change, then it can’t go forward.
After the fourth RHNYC reunion, the chatter on social media about the women’s nasty negativity was so loud and strong that it not only reinforced what the producers and Bravo had been worrying about all season, it freed us to make our boldest move thus far: not renewing the contracts of Jill, Alex, Kelly, and Cindy.
QUESTIONS I CAN’T BELIEVE I ASKED ON NATIONAL TELEVISION:
Sonja, was your vagina rude to Kelly?
Camille, was the real reason you used a surrogate to keep your figure?
Danielle, what did you think when you heard Teresa say that Steve was just interested in you for blow jobs?
Alexis, do you think God approves of your plastic surgery? You’ve taken what he did and changed it.
Adrienne, I know you are too humble to reveal your net worth, but Lisa, how much do you think Adrienne is worth?
Teresa, you said that you formerly had big hair—do you consider what’s going on now not big?
Taylor, would you ever consider having your lip implant removed?
Gretchen, he was dating Jo, he’s been with Laurie—is there something in you that feels at all weird about getting sloppy thirds?
Cat, do you feel uncomfortable around black people?
Lisa, do you have any poor friends?
Sheree, do you think you’ve gone too far with toning your arms?
Teresa, you said that your husband is more of an ass man. After you got your new bubbies, did he change his opinion?
Tamra, you’re going to sell your implants on eBay?
NeNe, Angela from Great Neck, New York, wants to know why would you, at your age, wear clothes that show your old gals sagging?
Danielle, your ex-husband says you were married to a big Colombian cocaine dealer, were a paid escort, were a raging nymphomaniac, had a bob job, had an eyebrow lift, and are a pathological liar. Comments?
Each woman brings a different MO to the tapings. Besides Pinot Grigio, Ramona requires a very clear idea of the day’s schedule—when breaks and lunch are. Vicki winks at me throughout the taping, no matter whether someone else is talking about something funny or serious. (And I do love a wink.) Kim Zolciak is constantly trying to take away my blue cards full of prying questions—“Give me those evil blue cards!” Alexis from Orange County had a wonderfully absurd evidence-presenting moment: After a revelation that fellow Housewife (and soon-to-be-former-best-friend) Peggy had dated her husband years earlier, Alexis piped up just minutes later with her phone triumphantly in hand, announcing that Jim had just texted her to reveal that Peggy had been a stalker. I love that she thought that would settle it!
Normally, I am a relatively laid-back guy, even at work. But when it comes to reunions, I am a man on a mission, to get the story behind the story, to answer the pressing questions that every viewer wants to know, to confront the women and get them to confront each other. I was fully prepped for this role after years of shit-stirring in St. Louis, first with my family and then with my mini–Real Housewives of Clayton High, Jackie and Jeanne. It’s cathartic to get everything out on the table, and if I have to pry and prod a little bit to make it happen, I will. To say I never take any joy or glee in the drama would be as much of a lie as these ladies sometimes try to get away with. So, no matter what, if I see a Housewife getting mad, I’m going to keep poking at her. If I see her get emotional, and I see an in, I’ll keep going down that road. That’s my job. Sometimes I even have to evoke Dan Rather, picking the threads of a story apart until I unravel the shroud and find some truth hidden beneath—okay, maybe I’m taking myself a little too seriously here. But what about the time I tried to get Kim to either say she had lost her hair to cancer or admit she was lying? Let’s revisit, shall we?
AC: Welcome back to the Atlanta Housewives Reunion Special. Mertise from Oakland e-mailed, “Kim, is that your real hair or is that a wig?”
KZ: You know, I really want to talk about this. And NeNe, I want to address something to you from an emotional standpoint. I got very sick, I don’t want to cry but (starts tearing), but I got very sick. It’s not something (starts crying) that I would ever choose to do. Almost three years ago, I lost twenty-five pounds, my hair was falling out and nobody knew why and they said,
