* * *
Hopefully, no one will notice
that my eyes are bone dry
I’m just interested in getting beyond the day now.
Chapter 40
The shrieking, shouting and overhead thuds sound alien in a home in which a funeral service was being discussed just over an hour ago. It’s true what they say about kids being robust. Jack is racing around with Sam like he hasn’t got a care in the world. No one would guess that this is a boy whose dad died last week.
Once we return to some sort of normality, Jack will be the one who will ensure I get through it all. Somehow. Looking after him will keep me going. Being his mum will provide the fire that will help me fight for this house, and to clear my name.
I get pizza delivered for the boys and call them to the dining room table. I’ve set up Jack’s streamers and balloons. He gasps as he walks in. I listen to their conversation as I pour them a glass of pop. Suspension bridges. I pinch a slice of pizza and leave them to it. Settling down in the lounge, I smile at the rising noise. It sounds as though there are five of them in there.
“Mum!” Jack shakes my shoulder. I can’t believe I’ve fallen asleep whilst looking after someone else’s child. I don’t think Sam’s spotted me sleeping, thankfully. That would sound good being talked about in the school playground.
“Are you ready for your film?” I try to disguise my weariness.
The house falls silent as they become consumed by the latest Spiderman movie. I clear the pizza debris and begin tackling the ironing pile, needing to get moving. If I stop, I think too much.
I jump as the doorbell echoes through the house. It must be Lynne, though she’s half an hour early. Smiling, I pull the door open and the cat shoots past me. There’s nobody there. Puzzled, I look up and down the street. I wasn’t hearing things. The doorbell really rang. “Jack, did you hear the doorbell?”
“Um, I dunno.” He doesn’t avert his gaze from the TV as I poke my head into the lounge.
I return to my ironing, burning myself when the doorbell cuts into my thoughts again.
“Hi Lynne, come in.”
She steps into the hallway and looks around. “Have you tied them up somewhere? It’s so quiet.”
I laugh, the sound foreign to me. “I’ve hardly seen them since I brought them back. They’re totally glued to Spiderman. Would you like a cup of tea?”
“Yes, if it’s no trouble.”
“None at all.”
She follows me to the kitchen. “What a lovely home you’ve got.” She sounds surprised. I should ask her what she was expecting.
“Thanks. Although Jack and I are going to be rattling around it now. Originally, we had planned to have more children.”
She rests her hand on my arm as I flick the kettle switch. “I honestly can’t imagine what it must be like for you.”
I’m getting sick of people saying this. It’s one of the most trotted out after-death sayings. “Don’t even try.” I turn cups over from the draining board.
“Has Sam behaved himself?”
“I barely knew I had him. It’s been wonderful for Jack. He can come anytime. How do you have your tea?”
“Have you got any fruit teas?”
Amazingly, I have a box of five berries blend. I don’t tell Lynne that it has been in the cupboard for about four years. I bought it when I was trying to kick the drink back then. I thought if I had nice things in the house to drink, I would stay away from alcohol. “There you go. Have a seat.” I point towards the breakfast bar.
“Thanks. How are you feeling about Friday?”
“I’m absolutely dreading it.” I place the mug in front of her.
“Do you need any help with anything?”
Paying for it. I bite my tongue. “Thanks, but everything is under control.”
“I’m planning to come along. Pay my respects. And look after you.”
I should thank her, but I’m taken aback. “Oh.” Be nosy, she means. We’ve looked after each other’s sons a few times, and she’s acting like we’ve known each other for years. I don’t trust her. One wrong word about anything and it will be all around the school. I’m sure of it.
If she notices my reticence, she says nothing. “I can collect Jack from school on Friday. If you want me to, that is. I’m sure you’ll be needing to drown your sorrows at the wake.”
“Didn’t I mention I don’t drink?” I’m becoming exasperated with her suggesting that I do.
“Well, yes. But, it’s just, Jake’s Mum, Meloney, saw you leaving the pub in the centre last week – what day was it?” She looks thoughtful, but I can tell she knows exactly what day it was. “Erm, Friday, I think.”
She’s fishing. Great. That one will be all around the school. “I fell off the wagon. Anyone would, in my circumstances.”
“Gosh, I’m not judging you Fiona. Not one bit. I’d fall to bits in your shoes, never mind get drunk.” She takes a sip from her cup and seems to pull a face. I can vouch for the fact that fruit berry blend tastes like floor cleaner. “Have they any idea who did it to him yet? You must be dying to get your hands on them.”
“No. None whatsoever. It’s not the greatest area for CCTV, is it? Around here?”
She gives me a strange look, and I wonder if she knows that I’m under investigation. I’m sure she does. Nothing stays secret in this little town. Instead she says, “Is Bryony planning to go to the funeral?”
At first, I think I’m hearing things. “What are you getting at Lynne? How much do you know?” My voice is shaky. I don’t want to talk about it with her.
“You know what it’s like around here? I knew she and your husband were friends. And that you went around to see her.”
“Yes, on both counts. But, look Lynne. I’m sure you mean well,
