“Thank you.” I clutch the envelope towards my chest. “The eulogy was perfect. You got everything in that we talked about.”
“You’re welcome. We’ll be in touch when your husband’s ashes are ready for collection.” He makes it sound like the dry cleaning.
* * *
I had no respect for Robert Matherson,
so what will I pay instead?
Chapter 43
Lynne chatters away on the short journey, like we’re going on a shopping trip. “Your mum’s not what I expected,” she says. “Doesn’t she look good for her age?”
Mum looks great, far younger than she is. I probably look older than her at the moment. I’d hate to be the person she is inside though. There’s absolutely no love in her. As far as looks are concerned, I would hate to have eyes as cold as hers or the mouth that’s permanently set in a firm, hard line. If it wasn’t for Dad, I don’t think I would have anything to do with her.
Before Lynne had started talking about Mum, I had asked her to take her time getting to the wake. This was to avoid having to greet everyone, so we have gone the long way around.
When we arrive, there’s already a huddle of smokers at the entrance of the golf club. “Thanks for the lift Lynne.” As we pull up I see Christina’s car parked at the back too. I noticed she integrated herself amongst our other neighbours as soon as we’d arrived at the crematorium.
“Can I get you a drink?” A man’s voice is close behind me as I’m waiting at the bar. “You look like you could do with one.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to request a gin and tonic, but then I remember I can’t. “Just a soda water, please.” I’m well out of my comfort zone here, amongst all these people. I long for the sanctuary of home. Then I remember that home is no longer a sanctuary. Not after the other night. Normally, a drink in hand would allow me to be less reserved within this sea of strange faces. As is always the case at funerals, the atmosphere is calmer now we’re at the wake. The snippets of conversation I catch are more normal than they were at the crematorium. Most people have their drink now and are tucking into the buffet. I massage my temples, which are throbbing after swapping the sunshine for this gloomy but well air-conditioned room.
“I’m Kev,” the athletic-looking man says as we wait for the barman. “I was in the cycle club with Rob. I’d got to know him well over the last year or so.”
“Nice to meet you.” I hold my hand out. “Though I wish it could have been in different circumstances.”
“Me too.” He shakes my hand. “He did really love you you know. All that trouble he got into with his work. He only wanted to make you happy. Somehow, he thought he was doing the right thing.”
“You know all about that? Have you spoken to the police? They’ve been trying to implicate me.”
“I only got a rough gist of things from Rob and I didn’t know about the police involvement till today. I’ve been away on business. But I’ll certainly speak to them if you think it’ll help.”
Dad doesn’t know I’m on the medication and swoops to my side. “I’ll get this,” he says to Kev. He’s probably worried that I’ll get blitzed. Especially after last Friday. “Have you seen your mother love? I think she’s disappeared with her bloody phone again.”
I glance out of the window. It’s hard to see clearly, as they haven’t fully opened the shutters. But Mum is there on her phone, looking like before, as though she is arguing with someone.
“I thought things were getting better between you two. You’ve just been away, for God’s sake.”
Dad looks utterly miserable, and I see shadows of how he was, when in the throes of his previous depression. I’m going to have to keep an eye on him if he and Mum split up. There’s only me who will. My grandmother flashes into my mind. I’ve missed her today. Rob’s death and funeral have brought to the surface some of what I went through when she died. I make a mental note to drive over and lay some flowers on her grave this weekend.
“I thought we might be getting somewhere, your mother and I, only she’s been talking about moving away, really moving away. If I’m honest, I don’t want to.” Dad avoids my eye. “I think she’d regret it if we uprooted ourselves. She seems desperate though - it’s almost like she’s trying to run away from something.”
“From herself.” I watch her, waving her arm around as she speaks into her phone. She looks like she’s crying. “Though she would have to run a long way.”
Mum drops her phone into her bag, and sinks to the wall behind her, shoulders hunched. “Are you going to see what’s up with her Dad?”
“Soon.” He puts an arm around my shoulders. “Today, however, is about you, helping you through it. Starting with getting some food down your neck. I’ll fill a plate before it all goes.”
As he walks away, Lynne returns to my side. “I’m going to make a move Fiona. Are you alright for getting home later? I need to do some shopping before I pick the boys up.”
“I’ll be fine. And thanks, for picking Jack up, I mean. I really appreciate it.”
“What are friends for?” She gives me a smile so genuine that I decide to put aside my suspicions about her having an agenda. Maybe, just maybe, she’s sincere and wants to be my friend. I must start letting people in. Apart from Jack and Dad.
“Do you want me to check if your mum’s OK on my way out?” I follow her gaze to
