“It doesn’t matter. He’s happy. Why can’t you accept that?”
“I made him happy. Me. I was there for three years, waiting while he spent hours in the gym and then came over and did nothing but watch football games. I was there when he had to wake up at dawn to go to the gym. I was the one who had to help him decide if football was more important than double majoring. That was all me. You’re reaping the benefits of my hard work.” Her voice verges on being vulnerable, and for a second, I see a fissure of pain that furrows her brow and pinches her eyes. “He’ll grow bored of you. You’re basic. Plain. You’re missionary sex on white cotton sheets.”
Anger boils in my veins. “And still, he chose me.”
She laughs, a dark and maniacal sound. “He chose to make rules and a fake relationship with you.”
Shock burns me, stealing my breath and thoughts.
“Did I mention I saw Pax this morning, and he told me everything? The rules, the lie, the fake dating…” She smiles. “You were a really good actress. For a while, even I was starting to have small doubts. Little, tiny, minuscule doubts.” She smiles again, this one fuller and brighter. Like a true predator, she’s trying to intimidate me, and she does—more than I want her to know. More than I want to realize and admit.
Her lie is steeped in the truth. I feel the barbs of the cactus piercing my thigh and the back of my calf, her words creating the same stinging and pain I’d felt then is felt across much of my skin.
“I don’t know what you think you know, but you’re wrong.”
“So you haven’t been pretending to date Paxton?”
Panic and betrayal hold my words hostage.
“It’s only a matter of time before you stop being able to give him that safe, good-boy facade he needed for the draft, and then he’ll be running back to me, just like he always does. I’ll see him tonight, and tomorrow, and I’ll be in Vegas, and I will continue to be there, a shadow on your relationship, reminding him how much he misses red silk sheets.”
“Poppy!” Raegan calls, her voice a reprieve. She cuts from wherever she was headed and moves to stand next to me.
“See you ladies tonight,” Candace waggles her fingers and then walks away.
Rae glares at her back. “What did she say?”
I shake my head. I can’t tell her the truth because my thoughts are still trying to sort through what Candace just revealed and understand why Pax broke our first rule. Instead, I opt for a small portion of the truth and one of the most pertinent details. “That she still has feelings for Pax.”
Rae scoffs. “She loves the popularity she got from dating him.”
I wince. “Do you think that’s the only reason she was with him?”
“Without a single doubt. She loves drama and parties and attention, and she received plenty of that while dating Pax.” Rae stares at Candace until she turns a corner. “I have a class. Are you heading home to get ready for the bonfire?”
“Yeah…”
Rae’s attention flashes to me. “Are you okay? Did she say anything else?”
“I don’t know. I just… She’s vile, but do you think she does love him? And did they have enough time apart? I mean, they broke up like a minute before I got on the scene. And I wanted the popularity as well, that was my entire purpose, remember?”
Rae shakes her head. “Hold on to the vile part. Candace loves herself too much to care about anyone else. And they were broken up for two months before you guys started your thing, and you and Pax both had your reasons at first.”
Her words do nothing to reassure me. “You should get to class. You’re going to be late.”
“Poppy, talk to me. Don’t let her get in your head. She’s trying to create doubt and mess with you.”
She already has. “I know.”
“Call Pax and hear his reassurances. It might sound needy, but sometimes we need to hear it straight from the source. He’ll tell you the same thing that I am. It wouldn’t have mattered if you were in the picture or not. He was over her, and they were done.”
“Except he told me I could help be a reason to quit her,” I say the thought aloud.
Raegan frowns. “I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that. He’s just dense sometimes and doesn’t think before he speaks.”
“You seriously have to go. I’m fine. I’ll see you when you get home. We can ride to the bonfire together.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive.”
She wraps me in a tight hug, holding me for several long seconds. “Ignore her.”
I nod and offer a smile before we part ways, her heading toward class and me to the parking lot where I find my car and slink into the seat. Emotions are lighting off like fireworks, loud and blinding. I turn the radio off and drive home.
When I unlock the apartment, I set my things down and head to my room, where I pull out the journal that lives between my mattress and box spring. I carry it to the closet and set it on the shelf. I don’t want the words or thoughts or memories to be near me right now. I then grab my current journal, kick off my shoes and plop down on my bed, turning to a fresh page.
Dear Diary,
I am so torn by a conversation I just had with Candace, if you can truly call it a conversation. It felt more like a sneak attack, one I was ill prepared for, which is silly because she’d shown her claws, I just didn’t think she would really use them.
I hate how she’s gotten into my thoughts because Rae’s right, she wants to cast doubt on my feelings and
