What was the point of doing anything of note, when there was no one to be proud of your achievement? No one to give a shit. It's as if any bit of ambition, any last care, disappeared that day that his last living blood relative was lowered into the ground, only to have earth shoveled on top of them. It was in that moment that it really hit him. As great hunks of earth pummeled down over the coffin. He was basically an object at that point. No longer a person, and that fate awaited us all. So what the hell was the point?
There was no tree in the house. Initially, he had convinced himself to put one up, to make it feel like it did in the past. He was glad he hadn't. There was only one present to put under it this year, and the sight of that would have been too sad to bear. The wrapping paper was so cutesy and girly, it made him chuckle a little. Glittery penguins against a blue background. It was from his best friend and ex colleague. He carefully opened the paper, not wanting to rip it, like that would somehow be disrespectful to the time and effort his friend had put into wrapping it. He slipped out the book. The ultimate Great Divide Trail guide. Mountains reflected in a perfectly still mirror lake called to him on the front cover. They'd always talked about doing it one day, but commitments always got in the way. Maybe now was the perfect time. Well, late spring at least. That would give him a good amount of time to prepare.
Chapter Fifteen
SEATTLE
She was outside, and the cold stung her nostrils. It was only now she was here in the park, that she realized how long it had been since she had left the house, and felt the fresh air bring the blood to her cheeks. The swing squeaked in the background, sounding like it needed a good oil. The sound of a rusty swing gave her the creeps, evoking images of empty swings moving of their own accord, or that little boy from the Omen. The sound of activity and laughter should have brought on positive feelings, but along with the abrasive breeze, it felt like an assault on her senses.
Being outside was exhausting somehow, and she hoped it might give her a surge of energy in the end. She kept waiting for this burst of serotonin that exercise was supposed to provide. Trent had taken over pushing the swing, maybe noticing her tire of it. It was a strange feeling. It felt like a lifetime ago that they had worked as a team. The support felt foreign, but not unpleasant.
She took advantage of the break and took a seat on the bench. The feeling of cold metal underneath her penetrated her jeans, and her muscles clenched. Stephen wanted to be pushed higher and higher, probably hoping that he could make it a full 360 degrees. This should have been one of life's pleasures but watching them left her with an uneasy feeling.
Every time she looked at them, she felt a panicked fear, quite possibly the deepest fear she had ever experienced. A responsibility so great, that she couldn't handle it and the weight of it made her sick to her stomach. People were so vulnerable anyway, but her children. Anything could happen to them. Life was a crapshoot, and she was the one who had played the game, gambling with these fragile beings that she had dragged into this world. A world of poverty and sickness. It was dog eat dog and if she couldn't cope, how could she expect them to. Hopefully, they got Trent's personality. Nothing fazed him. If he wanted something, he went for it. No doubts or second guessing. He had what it took to survive.
She had to stop herself from falling further into this black hole. If she could just be present in the moment, it would be fine. Right now, everything was okay, so why did she feel like something awful was going to happen all the time?
Maybe now was the time to change, the time for new year’s resolutions. She took her meds like clockwork now Trent kept her on schedule. She could be different, better. There had been no activity on the forum, no murders. She could focus on her family and be the person she was incapable of being before. The vibrations in her pocket made her jolt on her seat; she had been so deep in thought.
K-meister: Look what I found. The person that messaged us left a video on another group. Click on the link.
Piper stared at the URL, wondering if she was going to click on it. It felt as if the simple act of looking at the video could send her life veering in a completely different direction. She could choose to devote herself to Trent and her children. Be a healthy, well-adjusted member of society.
Somehow, it felt like if she pressed on that link, it would only lead her to a dark place, a place where she sat alone in her gloomy apartment, hunched over a screen. She pictured it like a narrow path, and the undergrowth was getting thicker, and it got darker, and blacker, but she just couldn't stop herself from being carried along.
It seemed like a choice, but was it really? Deep down, she knew she was clicking on that link. It was a compulsion, an impulse even stronger than her need to drink, an instinctual, involuntary reflex she was powerless to control. She clicked on the link.
Chapter Sixteen
LONDON
Aadesh wanted more salad, but he didn't want to ask for it. It was at the other end of the table. He could lean over, but that would seem strange. They would wonder why he didn't
