When we pulled up, Janine held an obnoxiously large sign above her head, showing off a distinct lack of concern about body hair. I’d seen wild scrub bushes on the side of the road trimmed back further than good ol’ Janine here. Oakley put the cruiser in park and sent me a smug smile before climbing out.
“Miss Janine. How are you today?” Oakley put her hands on her belt, tipping her head my way when I got to her side. “This is Lieutenant Smith. A newbie.”
Janine smiled, unperturbed with her state of complete undress. “Nice to meet you, young man. How do you feel about the treatment of farm animals?”
Remembering Oakley’s stern instructions to be the good cop, I answered. “I’ve always been a fan of Charlotte’s Web if that gives you any indication of how I feel about the treatment of animals. Or should I say pets?”
Janine beamed at me, dropped the sign right there in the dirt at her feet, and lunged for me. She caught me in a hug and I was thankful my arms got pinned to my sides so I didn’t have to figure out where to put my hands. Come to find out, along with razors, Janine didn’t believe in deodorant either.
Oakley’s throat clearing cut into the sweet moment. “I hate to bring this up, but it’s against the law to be nude in view of the public, Janine. I believe we went over this last year. And the year before.”
Janine let me go and turned a frown on Oakley. I would have frowned too, but the new angle allowed my gaze to land on a faded tattoo on Janine’s flank. The black and white heifer was on his hind legs, dancing with a hippie girl who resembled what Janine might have looked like thirty or forty years ago. When Janine marched over to Oakley, the loose skin rippled and it looked like the cow was actually in motion. Sometimes you see things you can’t un-see on this job and this was one of them.
“You listen here, Oakley Waldo. You don’t have to live next door to that cow murderer, listening to those poor animals mooing constantly all summer. In pain and on the cusp of dehydration. All because ol’ Tucker is too cheap to build a simple shade structure.”
Oakley tilted her head patiently. “Some might say mooing is what those cows are supposed to do. Not a sign of distress.”
Janine put her hands on her hips and sucked in a deep breath for her rebuttal. I figured I could help diffuse the situation, such was my role as good cop.
“I bet writing a letter to your congressional representative would go a long way to getting laws passed about shade structures for farm animals, Janine. Have you considered doing that?”
She twirled so fast she kicked up a cloud of dust. “Well, now, that’s a fine idea. It’d certainly save me money buying aloe in bulk. For the sunburns, you know.”
I smiled at her and waved for her to follow me back to her driveway, one step closer to going home and avoiding an indecent exposure ticket. “I bet mailing in a letter a day would get some attention, don’t you?”
Janine gifted me with a smile so bright I warmed up to the good cop role. She reached up and patted my shoulder. “You’re a fine addition to the department, Smithy.” She leaned in close and dropped her voice. “My niece’s bridal shower is coming up next week, so I have to ask. You don’t happen to do stripteases on the side, do you?”
I nearly swallowed my tongue, flattered, a little disturbed, and highly entertained. This was so much better than working in a city with violent criminals.
“Can’t say I do. Sorry to disappoint.” I gave her back a gentle push toward her house. “If you go inside now, I bet I can sweet-talk Captain Waldo out of writing you a ticket.”
Janine winked at me. “Oh, I bet you can.” She tittered, but thankfully made her way into her house where she’d hopefully find some clothing.
Oakley was waiting for me, leaning against her cruiser with her arms folded over her chest. “See?”
I frowned. “What?”
She smiled and shoved off the car. “You make the perfect good cop.” She patted my arm, like being the good guy was an insult, and went around to get in the driver’s seat.
Funny how she instinctively knew I got along with most people, and yet I couldn’t seem to get along with her. Everything I did was either plain wrong or up for mocking. I shook my head and got in the cruiser, deciding to keep my mouth shut for now. Day two on the job. I still had time to get in her good graces. Once I turned on the charm, no woman stood a chance. Of that I was certain.
Oakley radioed in that we’d settled the public indecency call. Which got a guy to thinking. What would Oakley look like naked as the day she was born? Would she have surprising tattoos of the animal variety? If I ripped that hair tie out, would her hair stream down her back or stop right at the tops of her shoulders? Would she be a wild cracker in bed, fighting for dominance? Or would she want me to play bad cop for once?
“You going to answer that?” Her throaty voice broke me out of my daydream, but not with the words I hoped to hear.
“Huh?”
Her eyebrows drew together. “The dispatcher just called in a ten-thirty-three at a warehouse. Let’s go.”
I roped my brain back into the job and radioed that we were on our way. There was no time for daydreaming, not when you had a job that required your entire focus. One slight mistake and someone could literally die. Besides, Oakley was my boss. No way in hell was I going to mess up a good thing. Not when I’d come so far.
Quitting time found
