“Enough.” Headmistress Letitia silenced him with a single word. Seconds ticked by while she played on their growing fear, enjoying their squirming and twisting their dread into yet another weapon in her arsenal.
My pulse thundered. Genius. Our headmistress was a genius.
When the tension drew out enough to meet her satisfaction, the headmistress tapped a glossy, manicured nail to her chin. “I know, why don’t you three come meditate on this situation in my office once the school day is complete?”
Another display of brilliance, the way she pretended the punishment was spontaneous and posed the command as a request. Even though by now, every student within these stately halls understood that even when uttered by such perfect lips, the phrase meditate in my office never, ever amounted to anything good. A truth reinforced by the collective silence that descended over the entire cafeteria, like all the students were holding their breath at once.
And there I was, standing at Headmistress Letitia’s side, in the thick of it all. Commanding attention and fear while basking in her approval.
The power inherent in that moment vibrated along my skin, filling my head with an amphetamine-like high. These were the thrills that fed my soul. That injected my life with meaning and had, from a young age on.
Rules were so important. Out in the real world and here in the academy. These students needed to learn that not following the rules meant consequences. That acting out against academy policies led to repercussions, doled out by those of us who were willing to do whatever it took to ensure order prevailed.
Under Headmistress Letitia’s careful guidance, I’d learned that not everyone was well suited to become enforcers, because that particular role required a strength of will and an ability to inflict pain when necessary.
No, not everyone was well suited to inflicting pain, but Letitia had recognized a kindred spirit in me.
I scooped the eggs, ham, and toast onto a clean plate, carried them to the tiny table just outside the kitchen, and began eating, allowing my mind to drift to later on that day.
We’d wasted hours in the headmistress’s office that afternoon, giving the three rule-breakers a chance to carry out their punishment. So simple. All they’d been required to do was designate one among their group to receive the punishment while the other two carried it out. Wield the tawse, and they’d be free to go. Nothing too gruesome or horrifying.
And yet, they’d stood stiff-backed and stubborn in that office and refused every opportunity given to cooperate.
Headmistress Letitia had finally lost patience and sent them out into the frigid dark, telling them that spending a night outside in the elements would likely clear their heads.
For the first time to my knowledge, Headmistress Letitia was wrong. When she let them back into the building the next morning, the threesome were shivering and pale, but after spending all day locked inside the Blue Room, their stubborn pride had reared up again.
Apparently, even the Academy’s notorious punishment room was no match for Mother Nature in the dead of winter.
“Which one of you will be disciplined today?”
The question garnered the same response as the day before. “None of us, Headmistress.”
I recalled my stunned fascination as the same scene played out over the next three days and nights. The question asked and refused. Over the passing time, my fascination turned to anger, and possibly even a flicker of jealousy, because the only reason those three fools had to cling to their ridiculous moral code was some sort of misplaced devotion to each other.
After the second night, I was so sure they’d crack. But they didn’t, despite not being fed during the entire period when the battle of wills raged on and despite the lack of sleep that showed on their shadow-lined faces. Certainly, they’d been exhausted and bleary headed with hunger, but they were also teen boys and able to rebound from those minor hardships without fear of permanent damage.
Or at least, they would have ended up perfectly fine, were it not for the cold front that descended upon the mountain late that fourth night, so sudden that even the weathermen had failed to predict it.
That night, they went out into the cold as usual. When they didn’t return the next morning, the headmistress sent me out to fetch them. I’d hurried out to scour the area, grumbling at the icy wind that cut through my layers and the frost crunching under my boots. I hadn’t ventured far when I discovered all three of them. Dead.
The first two were huddled together for warmth like sleeping puppies beneath the sculpted hedges lining the building in back.
Freddy, I located about twenty feet away. Lying on his back, stripped down to nothing but his boxers, his tan flesh pale with frost. I’d later learned that hypothermia played tricks on people, often convincing them they were burning up when, in reality, their bodies slowly froze to death. Nature’s little prank, and a rather poetic one at that.
They died due to nature and their own disobedience, but of course, the local police had disagreed.
I left the last bite of toast and pushed the plate away. The resulting chaos their deaths brought down upon the academy was in large part my responsibility. My failure.
Had I been more skilled in breaking people back then, the boys would have fallen into line and carried out their punishment without a peep. That could have been my gift to Letitia, for all the lessons she’d taught me.
Instead, she’d turned her fury on me in a brutal attack that made me shudder, even after all the suffering I’d inflicted on others since. The scar on my back tingled, a reminder of the agony that blistered my flesh when she’d pressed the hot knife to my skin as punishment for my failings.
With a heavy sigh, I rose, rubbing the
