“It was self-defence. He would have raped you. Probably over and over until he got bored and killed you.”
“But at least I wouldn’t have been the murderer,” I mutter. “What if our baby becomes like me?” I gasp.
“Now you’re being ridiculous,” he sighs.
“I wanted that man dead. Oh god,” I cry out. “I wanted him to die.”
“Jesus, stop!” yells Blade. “Listen to yourself. He had to die! There was no other choice. You have to stop this, Tillie. It’s eating you alive.” He stomps from the room and I fall back onto the bed, crying. I am so sick of crying.
BLADE
“The guilt is too much,” I say, taking a swig from the whiskey bottle. “She can’t handle it.”
“She needs a drink,” says Riggs, and I roll my eyes. “I know she can’t have one, but she needs one.”
“Any other ideas?” I mutter.
Cree shakes his head. “Your best chance is the women. They’ll bring her out of it.”
“I don’t see how. She’s like a different person.”
“Trust in the magic of women,” says Riggs. “They fix everything. It’s like a voodoo power they have, the same one they use on us to tell us they are always right and we are always wrong.”
“You gotta remember, she’s not from this life, man. Do you remember your first body?” asks Blu. “Cos I do. It haunts me. Tillie’s seen two dead fuckers up close, that’s more than most people see in a lifetime. Give her time and be patient, brother. She’ll be okay.”
TILLIE
I stare blankly at Anna. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”
I don’t want fun. I feel like sleeping, not partying, especially without alcohol. “I’m tired.”
“Nobody likes a fun sponge, Tillie,” says Leia.
Anna scowls at her. “Fun sponge?” she repeats.
“Yeah, someone who sucks all the fun out of everything,” she explains.
“I know what it is,” snaps Anna. “I just haven’t heard an actual real adult person use it.”
“We have snacks,” says Eva, holding an armful of items, distracting Anna and Leia.
I sigh and open the bedroom door wider to let them in. Sara smiles, gently squeezing my arm as she passes. They make themselves comfy on the bed and floor. Eva hands out bags of crisps and turns her phone on so music plays out in the background.
“Okay, I’ll start,” says Eva. “I watched a woman rape Cree.”
I suck in a surprised breath. “Way to scare her,” hisses Leia. “We could have started easier.”
“With your stalker taking you so he could steal your unborn child, yah mean?” retorts Eva.
Anna smiles at me. “We all have horrendous tales to tell.”
“It doesn’t make me feel better,” I mutter.
“Oh, you haven’t heard the half of it,” says Eva, popping a crisp into her mouth. “By default, you’re a fully-fledged member of the club.”
“Tell me about the drama,” says Sara. “I want to know it all.”
“It’s true, I had a stalker,” says Leia.
“Two, if you count Vinn,” says Gia.
The girls laugh and Leia blushes. “Your brother just knows a good thing when he sees it. I can’t help not feeling the same way. He said he’ll protect me until he’s too old not to.” The girls make ‘aww’ sounds and Leia grins wider. “Only, don't tell Chains that, he’ll bust a nut.”
“My ex took me and held me captive,” says Anna. “I told you before he was mafia. He used to hit me, so I left and met Riggs. Reggie hated that, so he came after the club and took me back.”
“Me and Cree were taken, like you and Blade,” says Eva. “He was tied to a chair and raped over and over by a woman I worked for. Long story, really.”
“Sounds like this place is a regular drama central,” I mutter.
“We’re telling you because, as you can see, it gets easier. I was raped by my ex. I thought I’d never get over it,” says Anna sympathetically.
“And Riggs hasn’t made it easy,” adds in Eva.
“No, he’s had his moments,” Anna agrees. “I was like you, new to this life. I struggled with Riggs’ possessive alpha ways and the violence that follows this club. But we’re all still smiling. It’s not always like this. We all have our bad days, but we’re here for each other.”
“You have Blade,” says Leia, “and he’s a great guy.”
“And a child to look forward to,” adds Eva.
I absentmindedly place my hand over my stomach. Blade wanted me to have a scan as soon as we came back to the club, but I refused. I know it doesn’t make sense—why wouldn’t I want to know my baby is okay? But it’s the thought of it not being okay that scares me more. I reasoned that I have no pain or bleeding, so everything is fine, and that kept Blade off my back. But for how long is anyone’s guess.
“You have so much to look forward to,” says Sara, and my heart aches for her. I make a note to spend some time with her later to find out how she is.
“I’m doing fine,” I say firmly. “You didn’t need to come in here and share horror stories. Blade is worrying for nothing. I just need some time.”
“You’ve had a lot to process in the last few days,” agrees Leia. Try months, I think to myself.
“I know when I first came here, after everything happened with Reggie, I was worried Riggs wouldn’t want me. Like maybe he wouldn’t fancy me anymore,” Anna adds.
“Christ, this isn’t therapy,” snaps Gia. “We’re here to cheer Tillie up.”
I laugh and the others join in. “I appreciate this, I do,” I say. “I’ll try harder to bring myself out of it.”
Anna smiles. “Just take one day at a time and don’t shut yourself away. Talking and doing everyday things will keep you moving forward.”
“Fuck, Anna’s top tips on moving forward after being kidnapped,” jokes Leia.
Anna throws a piece of chocolate at Leia and it bounces off her head. “You don’t realise the responsibility I have to look after you girls. It’s my job as the President’s wife,”
