She had loved him. And she had started to believe that he might come to love her when he started to spend time with her, ask after her, walk with her. Then they had married, surprising her immensely, as they had never spoken of feelings in any depth. Still, she’d loved him. When nothing had come of the marriage, none of her affection had been returned, and she was given no hint of the man she’d known, she’d loved him. Painfully, but she had.
Now?
“Am I still married to the man I married?” Lily asked, not expecting any sort of answer from her friend. “Or am I married to the man I wanted to be married to?”
Kate’s brow furrowed, marring the perfect visage. “Is the man the same?”
Lily hummed a humorless laugh. “That, I believe, is the question.” She shook her head slowly, picking up pieces of music again and pretending to look through them. “We’re supposed to go to the theatre tonight. Would you and Lord Whitlock like to join us?”
“Are you ending this conversation?” Kate shot back.
“Yes,” Lily said simply, glancing over at her. “Please.”
Her friend nodded and picked up additional music. “I think you ought to play this piece. A beautiful largo with an engaging duet between hands. What do you think?”
“I’d love to try it.” Lily took the music and looked it over. “So, the theatre?”
“I believe I can speak for Derek and agree to come. It would be lovely to attend.”
The theatre was bustling, filled to the brim with members of Society eager for the same evening as Lily and Thomas. There were several people she knew there, each of them politely welcoming and expressing their delight at seeing the Grangers in London.
This was the nature of their relationship with their peers, to be greeted and engage in meaningless conversation that was superficial at best.
Lily didn’t mind. It was simply the nature of Society. She knew most of these people were a good sort, truly were happy to see her, and she’d be lying if she didn’t admit that it was pleasant to be among most of them.
The curiosity over the nature of the Grangers’ marriage was something that would likely never fade and was something Lily would never be comfortable with.
Everyone had been startled when the favorite reserved fixture, Thomas Granger, had married Lily and that it had been for her money. Everyone also knew that Lily wasn’t pleased with it. So, they were watched by curious eyes and analyzed for gossip.
All the more reason to find London a trial rather than a pleasure. But, in the company of friends, it became bearable.
“Aren’t you the popular woman tonight?” Kate asked beside Lily as they strolled to the box Granger had reserved. “All eyes are on you.”
A brief shudder ran down Lily’s spine. “I don’t see why. Loveless marriages happen in London all the time.”
“But yours wasn’t supposed to be loveless,” Kate murmured, linking her arm with Lily’s. “Speculation had swirled about the pair of you, surely you know this.”
Lily glanced at her. “Granger showing any interest in a woman would cause speculation. But it hasn’t gone away, and we’ve been married for five years.”
“That’s because people like you.” Kate rubbed her arm, inclining her head regally for passersby. “And the fact that Granger chose you out of all the women in London makes them wonder. They want good things for you, and the way your marriage was conducted was unexpected.”
“Believe me, it was more unexpected than anyone can know.” Lily swallowed, keeping a pleasant smile on her face for effect. “I feel as though I am on display.”
Kate made a soft sound of acknowledgement. “Yes, rather much so. Curiosity and envy are a peculiar mix, are they not?”
“Envy?” She glanced back at their husbands, walking behind them without much conversation, then looked back at her friend. “How so?”
“If I have to tell you why you are envied, you are not nearly so intelligent as I give you credit for,” Kate quipped with a wink. “You have an attractive husband with a good reputation, you are a beautiful woman of great loveliness and poise, and you are well situated in the world. By many accounts, that is perfection, my dear.”
Lily barely managed to avoid scowling. “If only it were.”
“I suffered from the same, Lily. Now that my husband and I are truly happy, and seen to be happy, we are more envied. It is a rarity in our world and Society, so you mustn’t blame them.”
“I know.” Lily sighed, tapping her fan into her open palm. “Thank you for coming with me tonight. I think it will elevate the evening from what it might have been with just Granger and myself.”
Kate nodded once, her cream silk gown enhancing her complexion from its usual porcelain appearance to a rosy glow that made her even more incomparable. “Unless your husband had particular plans, I would agree. There is nothing worse than an awkward evening with one’s husband.”
Lily smiled at the dry wit, wondering just how much her friend would understand her situation, given their conversation earlier in the day. There was no denying that the Whitlocks had been famously independent of each other in the beginning of their marriage, never being seen in the same place at the same time if it were possible, but now it was impossible to find one without the other.
Would Kate have endured the evenings that Lily feared? Being seen with one’s husband in a setting where you could not be much separated and thus were judged for how you behave one with another?
Lily couldn’t have endured that, not with the
