Copyright © 2021 by Rebel Hart
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Contents
PROLOGUE
1. Arden
2. Hannah
3. Arden
4. Hannah
5. Arden
6. Hannah
7. Arden
8. Hannah
9. Arden
10. Hannah
11. Hannah
12. Arden
13. Arden
14. Hannah
15. Arden
16. Arden
17. Hannah
18. Hannah
19. Arden
20. Hannah
21. Arden
22. Hannah
23. Arden
24. Arden
25. Hannah
26. Arden
27. Hannah
28. Arden
About the Author
Also by Rebel Hart
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I’M AFRAID
Rebel Hart
PROLOGUE
Arden
I squinted my eyes as I stared at the darkened cement wall in front of me. Despite what I knew—that I was in a totally enclosed room with no windows and just the one door—I suddenly felt like I could see my reflection in the wall. My lilac eyes were puffy and exhausted, my blond hair was a mess, and though I usually weighed around 120, my stomach was much flatter and I could swear I could see my ribs. As if to confirm, I looked down and rubbed my stomach, but I could feel the full flesh of my torso, and had to poke my finger so far in that it hurt before I reached any ribs. I wasn’t that emaciated.
Was it all in my mind?
“I’m hallucinating,” I mumbled. “Hey! “Let me out of here!”
Though it was incredibly difficult, I crawled off of the small cot I’d been provided, dropping to the concrete floor with a painful thud. I dragged myself forward, sucking air in and out in painful breaths until I was able to get to my feet. My legs wobbled and my entire body shook, but I managed to make my way to the small pass-through door where I was occasionally slid meager meals. In my mind, I was pounding on it with all my force, but the sound of my fist hitting the metal sounded like I was flicking it at best.
“I’m scared!” I screamed. “Please! Let me out!”
I was certain neither my wispy voice nor weak pounds had been enough to communicate with the outside world, but a loud latching sound echoed through my chamber. I dropped to my knees so I could stare through the small window, then it opened, blinding me with light from outside.
“Arden.”
The nun who stood outside the door was named Sister Flint. Her kind and bubbly disposition belied the fact that some period of time I could no longer remember ago, she snatched me out of bed, a hand over my mouth, dragged me down three flights of stairs and tossed me into this isolation chamber single-handedly.
“Sister, please,” I whimpered with tears in my eyes. “I’m scared. I want to come out of here.”
“The room of reflection is time you are meant to spend with yourself and the Lord. If He has not spoken with you, it’s because He believes your heart is still steered down the wrong path,” Sister Flint responded.
My forehead fell against the concrete of the door in front of me. “Please… I’m only 14… I can’t live like this.”
“Can you promise me that you will begin listening to the teachings of the Father who gave his only Son for your life?” Sister Flint asked. “Will you admit to me now that homosexuality is a sin of the highest order, and that you will leave this lifestyle choice behind and follow the Lord’s holy path?”
My nose burned and my throat tightened. A single face came to my mind. Beautiful, long blond hair. Stunning, sparkling brown eyes. A smile that made everything seem okay even when it obviously never would be. That laugh, sweet like honey, and her dorky, confusing sense of humor.
The girl I loved and always had.
“Yes,” I hummed. “I promise.”
“You promise what?” Sister Flint asked.
Balling my hands into fists and gritting my teeth, I whined out, “That homosexuality is a sin in the highest.”
“Which…?”
I sniffled in my emotions. “Which the Lord will not accept in the kingdom of heaven.”
Sister Flint hummed. “Good, and if…?”
“And if I want to avoid the pits of hell, I must denounce my—” I nearly choked on the word, “—choices, and swear my life to the Lord God Almighty.”
“Very good. Stand back from the door, my child.”
It wasn’t so much of a stand as much as it was a clumsy stumble from my knees back onto my butt. Hannah’s face glowed in my mind, and I just hoped that she would forgive me for what I’d done. I didn’t give a damn about any lord or his stupid, selfish rules, but her judgment scared me. Would she understand that if I stayed in this room another second, that I’d die? If I could just get through the camp. Just get back to the outside world, I’d never deny my love for her again.
Would she understand that I was just trying to survive so I could get back to her?
The deafening click of several loud locks filled the room, each of them making me jump with how loud they were compared to the silence I’d been stuck in. The door creaked open, slowly because of how thick and heavy it was, and light spilled into the room. I had to hold up my hand and shield my eyes from it because it burned, but then Sister Flint’s small visage stepped into the door frame. She was nothing but a silhouette at first, until she stepped forward and held out her hand with a bright smile on her face.
“It’s good to see you, my child. Come, lunch has just begun. I’ll help you upstairs.”
Though I would have rather driven a stake through the side of her neck, I reached up and took Sister Flint’s hand, simply because I didn’t have the strength to do anything else.
And I had no stakes.
She lifted me from the ground like I weighed no more than a feather and
