Dear Diary,
I should be preparing myself for dinner, but I could not restrain the urge to write down some of my thoughts today, since it has been quite exciting.
The tour of Wolfbridge has convinced me that I am altogether the luckiest woman in England. The land is in good heart, from what my inexperienced eyes can tell, and I wish for the spring to hurry up and arrive so that I can see what it will be like when life returns to the fields and gardens.
In the meantime, I am resolved to find some books in the library to help me understand more about agricultural matters. I would not wish to appear ignorant before the farmers, who I hope to meet in due course.
Daniel was with me today, as stalwart and considerate companion as one could ask for. His presence is a comfort and, in many ways, a thrill. I use that word on purpose, since being the centre of such a handsome man’s attention must always elicit some kind of response. And Daniel, I confess, thrills me.
I wanted so much for him to put his arm around me this morning, but had to settle for staying close enough to detect his fragrance. I liked it.
I liked him calling me Adalyn in such a friendly manner, and the way he smiled at me sent ripples of pleasure throughout my body. I’m not quite sure how it happens, but perhaps because they are all so good looking, these men of Wolfbridge. They smile and I find myself with the urge to wriggle as the warmth surrounds me.
I did not get chance to inquire about his life, or find out any of the details I’d hoped to learn about at least one of my gentlemen. But I feel no rush on that front. For now, enjoying his presence is more than enough.
Mrs. Barnsley is a lovely woman, and one with whom I hope to strike up a solid friendship. She is down to earth and already I feel as if I can ask her anything at all and get a truthful answer.
She made me think…of things I should not. Or, better said, of things I should not want to think. And yet I do think of those things. Daniel reminded me of them today. As Giles does every time he tends to me, and Jeremy does when he gives me that special heated look that seems reserved only for me.
Evan and Trick too, although I have yet to spend much time with either of them, are everything a gentleman should be, and more than enough to send a woman’s pulse into a fast rhythm.
I wonder if any of these men were—involved—with previous ladies of Wolfbridge Manor. And if so, what happened? And what would happen should I end up in that same level of involvement?
And with which one? Or…as Mrs. B. implied…all of them?
What a wicked and stunning suggestion. My mind blanked when she uttered those fateful words, and yet I remember them in crystal clarity. Along with the savage burst of what I can only describe as desire that wracked my body at the images her words inspired.
My experience with the physical acts of intimacy has been limited and unpleasant. Only a short time ago I promised myself never to let another man touch me, and certainly not inflict such miseries upon my person as did my late and unlamented husband.
And yet here I am, confiding to my diary, writing the words down on paper. The notion of being intimate with any or all of my gentlemen here at Wolfbridge…
Well, it is not…dare I say…out of the question?
I am hesitant. I am afraid too. But balancing those emotions is the curiosity I have about these men and the growing sense that desire is going to play a role in my future here. Is it wrong to have such thoughts? Such fantasies?
In the past, I have resorted to books to find out what I need to know. The Wilkerson shelves held plenty of information about his preferred style of marital intimacy. I never knew that inflicting pain could be an arousal. It certainly didn’t arouse me.
But if I can learn such things from books, I must make a point of researching these other matters that are growing in importance. Surely there are volumes that will tell me if what I feel is normal or beyond the pale. And perhaps tell me what to do about it, should either be the case.
As I came into my chamber and closed the door, I realised that I was glad no other women live in the Manor. It would be all too easy to become jealous of them, should any of my gentlemen glance their way.
I write those words casually, “my gentlemen”, and yet this is how I am coming to think of them, since their every action seems designed to bring me pleasure and make me smile. How did I become so fortunate? To go from nothing to an abundance of everything?
And with the possibilities of more yet to come.
I grow unsettled just thinking about those possibilities…my body aches in private places, and I grow warm…is this lust perhaps? Or desire? How does one know the difference? Another question I have yet to answer…
Chapter Six
Adalyn was very glad she’d asked everyone to join her for dinner that evening. She had questions, and wanted—no, needed—to talk about her day and share her thoughts.
So she managed to change her dress, freshen herself with the water in the ewer and basin, and prepare for a meal she was already looking forward to with a great deal of anticipation.
She would have all her gentlemen together in one place. For the first time since she’d arrived at Wolfbridge, she could look around the table and see everyone at once.
She brushed her hair until it glowed, gathering it into a bundle at the back of her head. Tiny curls sprang free to dance about
