I had to force myself not to roll my eyes. “Mom, focus. What did Dad do?”
“Did you know he used to date Lisa Mackenzie?” Mom’s voice rose. “Lisa Mackenzie!”
“Who is Lisa Mackenzie?” I asked.
Mom’s eyes practically bugged out of his head. “Lisa Mackenzie was the biggest slut in high school. And your father dated her. When we were first together! Can you believe that? And he never told me about it!” She was getting herself worked up again.
“Mom, that’s in the past, why would you care if he dated some girl when he was in high school—?”
“He cheated on me!” she shouted.
“Shh, Mom, no need to yell, I’m right here.” I patted her hand. “Okay, so he cheated on you. When you were teenagers. What does that have to do with your relationship now? You’ve been married for over thirty years. What he did when he was a kid hardly seems to matter,” I reasoned.
“He was talking to her just a few weeks ago. He ran into her in the grocery store. They were laughing and having a grand ol’ time. When I came over from picking out the ham for dinner, Lisa dared to hug him! Right in front of me!” She was shaking by this point.
“Mom, so what? What does that have to do with anything?”
“He kept it from me, Skylar! How can he keep something like that a secret? It makes him a goddamn liar!” She slammed her hands on the table, making her mug rattle.
Something about her words gave me pause.
“We’re done. I can’t forgive him for this,” she concluded, seeming to calm down slightly.
“You can’t forgive him for not telling you about some girl he used to go out with?” I asked slowly.
“Once trust is broken, that’s it, Skylar. I hope you learn something from all this. If a man keeps things from you, get rid of him. Don’t waste your time.”
“Even though you love Dad and he never meant to hurt you by not telling you?” Was I talking to my mom or myself?
Her reaction felt all too familiar. Perhaps I wasn’t as dramatic and over the top, but our stubborn refusal to see another side to things was entirely too similar.
“Love only gets you so far. And I’ve had it. I want you to put your dad’s clothes in trash bags and leave them on the porch. He can come and get them later.” Mom continued drinking her coffee as if we were talking about mundane things like the weather.
I sat there unmoving. Was I just like my mother? No. I wasn’t. I had gone to great length to distance myself from the walking tornado that was my mother and father. The reality was the way they went about their relationship had hugely impacted the way I went about mine. But our behaviors were equally destructive. My relationship with Mac was a case in point. I had turned the other way for months as he spent our money on camgirls. I hadn’t wanted the emotional display I was used to witnessing from my parents so I had gone in the opposite direction and had pretended everything was peachy.
When it blew up in my face I had been almost relieved that I could simply collect my things, take Morla, and get the hell out of there. There was no fraught exchange with smashed dishes and name-calling. I simply left.
But with Robert, things were more complicated. And it was in my dealings with him that I saw more of my mother and father than I cared to admit. I had been so quick to shut him down when the truth about his past came to light.
Yes, he had kept some serious stuff from me. But did I blame him for that? I had essentially shamed him for his choices. I didn’t like the idea of him dancing for other women. It made me sick to my stomach. But I had checked the website and he had been truthful when he said he shut it down.
He had done that for me. He had been trying to make it right.
And I kicked him out of my house and my life.
“I’ll never forgive him, Skylar,” Mom repeated, her hand gripping the coffee mug hard enough to break.
“You’re being stupid, Mom,” I said, surprising both of us. I didn’t usually stand up to my parents. I usually kept my mouth shut and made a quick escape.
“Excuse me?” she gasped. “Don’t talk to your mother that way.”
“You and Dad should have gotten a divorce a long time ago. Your relationship is toxic but not because Dad lied to you about some silly high school relationship he had a million years ago. All you do is fight and make each other feel like crap. So end it. Or don’t. Whatever. But I’m done standing around watching it.”
I got to my feet and headed for the door.
“Where are you going, Skylar? I need your help with all this,” Mom called out, indicating the piles of clothes on the floor.
I stopped and turned to face her. “You need to learn forgiveness, Mom. You have to figure out how to share your life with people in a healthy way. You’ve messed me up big time and you don’t even realize it.”
“What are you talking about? You’re just fine.” Mom put her hands on her hips.
“I’m not fine, Mom. I’m terrified of opening myself to a man I truly love for fear of being hurt. After a lifetime of watching you and Dad yo-yo between breaking up and getting back together, I didn’t know what it was like to have a functional relationship. And when I found a man who would literally do anything in the world for me I ended it the first time I heard something I didn’t like. I wouldn’t hear him out. I wouldn't give him a chance. All because I was scared to death of ending up like you.” It was my turn to raise my voice
