“The second tests were because of you. We didn't have an issue giving that to you. Matthew and I are ready. Hell, we were ready last time. We know we've all been careful in the past.”
I crossed the room and sat beside Matthew. “I wish I could tell you I'm ready to throw the damn things in the trash. Hell, I want to. But it's a huge thing for me. It goes against everything I've ever promised myself. It's a chance I said I'd never take for anyone.”
“I understand that,” Matthew said with a nod.
I gave him an appreciative smile.
“I understand it too.” Richard spun his coffee cup with his index finger and thumb. It twirled and twirled until he palmed the cup. The coffee splashed around without spilling. He cleared his throat. “My partner, Gregg, left me last year. He wanted things I couldn't give him. At first, I tried. We went back to the club a few times. We played, used ropes, handcuffs, but it wasn't enough. He wanted other men to join us. I couldn't give him that.
“I came home one day to find him on the couch waiting, all his shit packed and stacked by the door. He said it was over. I wasn't what he needed. After he walked out, I couldn't live in our house anymore. The next day, I went out and bought this place.” Richard's gaze met mine. “I understand the fear of trusting someone, letting him into parts of your life where no one else can get to. I understand how all of this scares you. But here's the thing: I don't think it's because you don't believe we're safe at this moment. It's because you don't trust we won't fuck someone else, then come home and fuck you.”
I stood. The back of my knees smacked the chair and shoved it away from the table. “That's not true.”
Richard lifted a hand. “Let me finish. We're not saying we're gonna go bare without you. Not even for blowjobs. It's all of us or nothing. We agreed. What we want to figure out is how to get you to trust us. Trust is more important than the damn rubbers.”
“I trust you.”
Richard spun his cup again and shook his head. “I thought we were showing each other that the night Matthew and I came home from the last party. But maybe you weren't a part of it.”
How could he say that? I'd been there with them. I'd shown Matthew I wanted him to trust me— that I could be trusted. Maybe I didn't trust them. Did I think they would betray me?
“No, he was with us,” Matthew said, his gaze still on the table.
“I was.” My head throbbed. I massaged my temples as I tried to wrap my mind around thought after thought. Why didn't I want to do what Richard and Matthew were ready for?
I wandered through the kitchen and fetched my cup. I poured the coffee down the drain and set the cup in the sink. What was I afraid of?
I opened the refrigerator, grabbed a bottle of water, and downed half the contents. Did I trust them? Did I think they'd hurt me?
I tapped the refrigerator door closed and sat at the table again. Both men were watching me.
I hadn't ever taken inventory of my emotional state, let alone verbalized it. I breathed deep and let the words flow as I made contact with them. “I think I trust you won't do anything to hurt me. Shit. I'm afraid I'll mess up. What if I can't make this work? What if I run? What if I make a mistake?” What if my father comes looking for me with more than angry threats? What if he shows you who I am? What if it's like Tim all over again?
“We all make mistakes,” Richard whispered, his eyes on his coffee again.
“You don't.”
His head jerked up. “You think I don't make mistakes? I make them all the time. Hell, the first month you were here, I figured I was fucking this up and you were going to leave. I was fucking up your lives. His life. I drank around Matthew. After promising I wouldn't. I was in my own head, and I didn't think about him and what he needed. I've fucked up plenty.”
Matthew ran the tips of his fingers over Richard's hand, and the two let the touch linger for a moment. Richard returned his attention to me. “I trust you, Luke. If you want to have sex with someone other than us, you'll tell us. If for some reason you can't tell us before, you'll tell us as soon as you can. You wouldn't put us at risk. You're candid with us. You always have been. But in all honesty, I don't think you want anyone else.”
“I don't.”
“Then as long as you feel that way, I think we're safe to get rid of the rubbers.”
“You won't hurt us,” Matthew said. “If something changes, you'll tell us.”
Richard leaned back in his chair. “You think it over, Luke. You have to be sure. I just wanted to talk about it. Let you know you can trust us.”
“I trust you.” I stood and hauled Richard out of his chair. His green eyes studied me. I skimmed my hands over his biceps and followed the curves with the pads of my fingers. “I trust you. I'll think it over, okay?”
Richard flashed the hint of a smile before he met my lips with his.
The intensity of the kiss built. He held my head firm to him, plastered his body to mine. His taste, his touch was everywhere in my mouth. Would I ever break free of the kiss? Would I ever get another breath that didn't taste like him? And did I care?
Matthew tugged my hips backward. “Come on, you two. Not on
