‘I thought she looked very well,’ he said a few minutes
later.
‘Yes, she did.’
‘And in spirits. She has enjoyed the summer, I suppose,’ he said wistfully.
‘It is to be hoped so. You would not wish her to be
unhappy?’
‘No, of course not,’ he replied hastily.
‘I thought she did not look quite so blooming when
we went in,’ I said to him.
‘No?’ he asked hopefully.
‘No. But she appeared to blossom when she saw you.’
Bingley smiled. ‘Mrs Bennet is a wonderful woman.
Truly charming. And so polite. I did not expect her to
ask me to dinner so soon. It is a courtesy I do not
deserve.’
Anyone who can think Mrs Bennet is a wonderful
woman is in the grip of more than an infatuation. He is
in love! I am glad for Bingley, and I only hope my own
fortune can be as good.
Tuesday 23rd September
Bingley was ready to leave for Longbourn half an hour
too early.
‘We cannot go so soon,’ I said, though I was just as
eager to set out.
‘We might be delayed on the way,’ he said.
‘Not on such a short journey,’ I replied.
‘Jennings will not want to drive the horses too fast.’
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‘We will reach Longbourn too soon, even if they walk
all the way.’
‘There might be a branch in the road.’
‘We can drive round it.’
‘Or the carriage might lose a wheel.’
‘We cannot go for half an hour,’ I said, settling myself
down with a book.
I wished I felt as complacent as I seemed. I was as anxious to go as Bingley, and yet I was reluctant to go as
well. He had the happiness of knowing his feelings were
returned. I had no such assurance.To see Elizabeth again!
I hardly dared think about it. If she smiled, what joy! If
she avoided my gaze, what misery.
Bingley walked over to the window.
‘You should do as I do, and choose a book,’ I said.
He walked over to me and took it from my hands,
then turned it round before handing it back to me.
‘You will do better if it is the right way up,’ he said.
He looked at me curiously, but I did not enlighten
him as to the cause of my distraction. Instead, I kept my
eyes on the page, but they saw nothing. At last the
appointed time came, and we set out for Longbourn.We
were both of us silent.We arrived.We went in. Mrs Bennet greeted Bingley with an excess of civility, and gave
me a cold bow. We repaired to the dining-room. Miss
Bennet happened to look up as we entered and Bingley
took his place next to her. Happy Bingley! I had no such
fortune. I was almost as far from Elizabeth as it was possible to be. Even worse, I was seated next to her mother.
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Mrs Bennet had gone to a great deal of trouble with
the dinner, and it was not difficult to see why. Her constant glances towards her eldest daughter and Bingley
showed what direction her thoughts were taking. The
soup was good, and it was followed by partridges and
venison.
‘I hope you find the partridges well done?’ Mrs Bennet asked me.
‘Remarkably so,’ I replied, making an effort to be
agreeable.
‘And the venison. Did you ever see a fatter haunch?’
‘No.’
‘You will take some gravy, I hope?’ she pressed me.
I had little appetite, and I declined her offer.
‘I suppose you are above a simple gravy,’ she said.‘You
will be used to a variety of sauces in London.’
‘I am,’ I replied.
‘You have dined with the Prince of Wales, I suppose?’
‘I have had that honour.’
‘Some people think that sort of gluttony genteel, but
I confess I have always thought it vulgar.We do not have
twenty sauces with every dish.We are not so wasteful in
the country.’
She turned her attention back to Bingley, and I
endeavoured to eat my meal. I watched Elizabeth, hungry for a glance in a way that I was not hungry for the
food, but she did not look at me.
The ladies withdrew.The gentlemen sat over the port.
I took no interest in the conversation. The iniquities of
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the French did not interest me.The Prince of Wales’s follies could not hold my attention. I glanced at the clock,
and then at the other gentlemen.Would they never stop
talking?
We rejoined the ladies and I went towards Elizabeth,
but there was no space near her. The dinner party was a
large one, and as she poured out the coffee I could not
get close. I tried nonetheless, but a young lady who will
be for ever blighted in my eyes moved close to her and
engaged her in conversation.
Did Elizabeth look vexed? I thought she did, and the
thought gave me hope. I walked away, but as soon as I
had finished my coffee, which burned my mouth, so
quickly did I drink it, I took the cup over to her for
refilling.
‘Is your sister still at Pemberley?’ she asked.
She seemed cool, aloof.
‘Yes, she will remain there till Christmas,’ I said.
She asked after Georgiana’s friends, but said no more.
I did not know whether to speak or whether to be silent.
I wanted to speak, but I had so much to say I scarcely
knew where to begin, and on reflection I realized that
none of it could be said in a crowded drawing-room.
My silence drew notice from one of the ladies and I
was obliged to walk away, cursing myself for not having
made more of my opportunity.
The tea-things were removed and the card-tables
placed. This was my opportunity! But Mrs Bennet
demanded my presence at the whist-table and I could
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not refuse without giving offence. I nearly gave it. I
nearly said: ‘I would much rather talk to your daughter.’
What would she have said? Would she have told me that
she had no intention of inflicting such a
