“What the hell, Josh? Then what are we even doing here?”
“Even if it is a key, it’d probably log us in on some computer somewhere. You know, like it does at the old building? Come to think of it, that’s probably why Hillary wouldn’t let me take Walter’s.”
“You fucking serious?” She turns, looks at Josh, who’s clutching the key next to his heart like a teddy bear. Tracy folds her arms. “You’re just now thinking about this?”
“I’m sorry. I was excited.”
“So you talk about this for days, I finally agree, you pull me outta my house, away from my writing, promising some sort of secret floor access, and now you’re just gonna chicken out?”
Josh swallows, smiles, scrunches his face. “Yes?”
C h a p t e r 2 4
“MY MOUTH IS getting dry.” Haylee continues to breathe in and out, in and out, in and out. “I think I’m gonna faint.”
“You’re doing great.” Micah holds her hand even tighter. He looks to his left at the other men in the room, each holding their partner’s hand, each woman in varying stages of pregnancy. On paneled walls behind the couples are framed pictures of the life of Jesus—Mary pregnant on a camel with Joseph by their side, Mary with the baby in the manger, Mary at the cross praying to Jesus. On an easel next to a window rests a bright white sign standing in stark contrast to the night sky peeking in from outside. The sign reads “CHURCH OF ST. LUKE AND ST. MATTHEW’S LAMAZE CLASS, EVERY FIRST WEDNESDAY AT 8 P.M.”
“Pay attention to me!” Haylee brings him back.
“You’re doing so good, Hay.” He pauses. “Hay—”
“Don’t do the Hay, Hay, Hay thing please. Now is not the time.” Haylee breathes in and out, in and out.
Out of nowhere, she begins to cry.
“Oh my God, what’s wrong?” Micah asks. He looks at the instructor for help.
“Everybody, can we please stop for a second?” The instructor claps her hands and walks toward Haylee. “You okay?”
“Yes. I don’t know what just happened.”
“It’s okay, this happens a lot. Let’s all just rest for a second.” The instructor takes Haylee’s other hand, then looks to the other couples. “People, this happens. In my regular job, I also teach what people call—”
“Breathwork,” Haylee says without thinking. “Of course.”
“Yes, that’s right: breathwork. One of the first things we learn when we do breathwork, taking in deep breaths over and over like this, is that things often come up.” The instructor uses her hand to swipe at the air in an upward motion, then a downward one. “And out. Past traumas, struggles at home, anticipation of a new baby, life stuff. It’s perfectly normal.”
AFTER HOLDING THE SUV door open for Haylee, Micah comes around to the passenger side. He sees a man move inside a car on the opposite side of the parking lot. It’s not the same guy lurking outside his condo, though. It’s not Billy Donovan. This man is bigger, more rotund, but Micah’s seen him before, too, outside his building, snooping around the block. The car starts and pulls out of the parking lot onto the main road. It drives away.
Micah pulls himself inside the SUV, glances at the broken windshield in front of him. “I’m so sorry about not paying attention to you earlier.”
“What?” She starts the car. “Oh, the crying thing? No, that was something else.”
Micah places his hand on hers. “Tell me. Is everything okay with Shawn? The baby?”
Haylee turns off the ignition, turns to Micah. “Ever have one of those moments where you just feel like, ‘Is this it?’”
“Tell me more.”
“I don’t know, I just was breathing, and thinking about the baby, and my life, and Shawn working all the time, and then I started thinking my career is over and I’m gonna be a mother and I want to be there for the baby but I love my job but it’s not going anywhere really and I feel like I have so much more to offer my clients and the world and I never thought I would actually be having a baby when I haven’t even accomplished my other goals.”
“Wow.”
“I know.” Haylee takes her hand from Micah’s, puts it on the steering wheel. “But do you know what I mean? Have you ever felt lost?”
“Haylee.”
“Oh right, sorry. Yes, of course you have.” She retakes his hand. “I’m sorry. That was insensitive.”
“But you, Haylee? Toward the end of my trial, Shawn told me how you inspired him. Your insight into your clients’ spiritual abuse? That was brilliant.” Micah holds her hand harder. “You have a gift of knowing, Haylee. You see people for who they really are, how they’re hurting, why they’re hurting. You’re the most giving, trustworthy person in my life.”
“Wow.” Haylee places her hand on top of his. “Thank you. I don’t know what to say.”
“And after the baby, your practice will still be there if you wanna come back to it. Great things are in store for Haylee Connelly. I can feel it.”
“And how are you holding up? Any more nightmares?”
“A couple. Usually the same. Lennox is still with me, he tells me there’s someone in the house, I see a figure standing over us trying to stab us.”
“Whoa. You never told me the details.”
“What do you think it means?” His eyebrow twitches.
“Well, I don’t have much experience in dream therapy, but traumatic experiences can show up in most any dream. Your brain is trying to work things out in a safe space.”
“I don’t feel very safe.”
“How so?”
“I think someone might be following me. Maybe multiple people.”
Haylee lets go of his hand again, turns herself in her seat. “Following you?”
“Yeah. Like the other morning, before I met you for your doctor’s appointment, I caught some guy I thought I recognized from work staring at me from outside my window. And this morning, I was talking on the street with a cop friend
