When we were twelve Eve saved a butterfly. It was vibrant blue with its wings dipped in black, and when it died a month later, she cried for days.
I couldn’t bring it back to life or replace it before she realized. All I could do was hold her until her tears turned into a dry catatonic state.
My parents didn’t bother to give us boundaries growing up when they knew we would break them. For most of our childhood we hung out every day, slept in my bed, and even bathed together. We never tired of one another, shared the same memories, and acted married at an age that seemed aggressive.
Ironic, now we’ll actually be married and the way we’re acting couldn’t be further from that.
EVE
Bowen didn’t realize by giving me a butterfly it was waking a part of me that was ready to be myself again, even if it meant falling from grace.
He just proved he was holding onto parts of himself similar to ones I held onto.
This butterfly marked the change in our relationship. It was the moment I saw Bowen conquer his weaknesses and be strong for me. It was the moment that I realized we weren’t just best friends but something deeper, bound in ways the Clave only dreamed of.
The day the butterfly died was the day we were born.
Twelve
My mom had once again arranged for me to stay with the Astors while she lived her life and blew through men.
She was dropping me off on their doorstep more than she parented me. Bowen’s mom signed off on my homework every night, yelled at us to brush our teeth, and tried to be there for me in ways my mom wasn’t.
The day we came home from school and looked in my butterfly habitat to see the lifeless, limp butterfly lying down—it felt like everything shattered. I was demolished in a way I never knew such a tiny creature could incite. I felt like I didn’t have a mom, a home, and now I couldn’t even care for a butterfly.
I only ever cared about Bowey, no one or nothing else.
The kind of sob that shakes your shoulders and blurred rooms raged through me when Bowey wrapped his arms around me from behind, holding my body still like if I couldn’t be shaken by the tears, they’d simply give up and go away.
They didn’t.
The tears lasted three days, three whole days of not leaving his room, not attending school and mourning my blue butterfly. Neither of us was sure if his mom noticed or let it slide until she breezed in demanding that we get cleaned up.
It was never weird that Bowen and I shared a bed instead of me sleeping in the room designated for me in their mansion. It was always just us; it wasn’t cause for the mandatory sex education class we all had to take.
We weren’t at risk until I realized how strong Bowen was. All of it tucked away under the quiet exterior.
Bowen adored his mother, snapping up to make moves instantly upon her asking, but I didn’t move. I couldn’t. I felt weighed down by the first real blow of tragedy in my life.
How messed up is that? I didn’t even mourn my mother being absent half as much.
When Bowen realized I wasn’t planning on proceeding, he moved on, heading for the ensuite bathroom. I could hear the relentless water beating down from the shower he was preparing as I stared at the butterfly cage from his bed, wondering if my whole life would be one big blur of sadness now.
I held onto nothing except Bowen, and I always felt like I had to soak him up because at any minute he would be gone too.
Sick of my mouth.
Done with my trouble.
Over being best friends with a girl like every other growing boy.
When Bowen returned, he had a mess of fabric in his arms before he dropped fresh clothes next to me and held out a big towel. “Come on, enough mourning. Butterflies only get three days because they live for a hundred, and that one was pretty fucked up when you found him. He lived a good life, all because of you, Evey.”
I realized when he leaves, I’ll have to mourn even longer.
Standing up, I undressed myself and accepted the fluffy towel he wrapped around me before pulling me into his arms to place a kiss on my head. I was normally the strong one—beating up our bullies, trading my sandwiches with him, kissing away his stray tears caused by Braeden.
Bowen being strong was forcing me to hear my heartbeat in ways I never had before.
Only now it beat in the syllables of his name.
That was the moment I realized whatever this was… wasn’t just friendship. It was feelings and hormones and things I couldn’t yet explain.
Snapping out of my thoughts, Grimm’s hand touched my knee so lightly you would have thought he was scared of me. “You okay? Lightheaded?”
Sitting up, I found Bowen’s eyes stuck to my inner thigh. “I’m fine. All done?” I was speaking to Bowen, but I could feel Grimm searching for how to answer without pissing off the guy who had it stuck there.
“Uh, yeah. Just use vitamin E on it until it’s done peeling.”
Using my phone, I made sure the camera was pointed at my thigh giving me a perfect view to admire. Bowen coughed trying to slice through the air to
