After coming back online, my lips moved a few times without any sound coming out. Finally I was able to push a few through my mouth. “Oh my God. Ransom, I’m—I’m so sorry.”
Am I? I mean, of course I was. Dying was obviously horrible, and I’d imagine losing a spouse at a young age was devastating, but part of me was legitimately relieved. I’d never worried about my soul burning in hell before, but I was most definitely concerned now.
He sighed and settled back into the couch. “It’s a complicated story. Emily was Melissa and Matt’s daughter. When they took me in, Emily and I immediately became inseparable. It was only ever platonic, but I loved her. No one had ever had my back like Emily.”
As he spoke, I could see the pain etched in the furrow of his brow and the downturn of his mouth. His adoration of her was almost palpable, and it hurt me to see him so hurt. But I didn’t move, because he seemed to have gone to another place in order to tell me this story, and I didn’t want to break him out of it.
“She’d been diagnosed with leukemia when she was eleven. Before I met her. She’d gone into remission a couple times, but ultimately, it always came back. When she was seventeen, the doctors told her she had three to six months. I was heartbroken. But Emily…” He laughed, the sound jarring in the midst of such a heartrending story. “All she cared about was she’d never fall in love and get married like stupid-ass Bella and Edward. I mean, their love story isn’t even a good one.”
He sobered. “But I think there was something to it for her. How Bella came back stronger after dying. How Edward gave her that strength.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “I dunno. I’m overthinking it. Anyway, one night she was making me watch those terrible movies and complaining about how she’d never get to wear a wedding dress, and I just…proposed. Said we should get married so she could have all that.”
He laughed again before he looked at me, his smile at war with the glistening in his eyes. “She told me I was crazy. But I didn’t see what the big deal was. Granted, I’d never love her in the same way Edward loved Bella—we’d never had those kinds of feelings for each other—but I loved her with the same fierceness, ya know? It wasn’t romantic, but it was still powerful.
“So we got married. Matt and Melissa were a little hesitant at first, but they knew how much it meant to her. Understood why we wanted to do it. We were married in a small wedding in their backyard. Emily got to wear the dress of her dreams and have a first dance and all the bells and whistles.” He paused and sighed heavily. “She died five weeks later. I left two weeks after that. It was…too much. For all of us. I love Melissa and Matt, and I know they love me, but the grief… It’s always there, but it’s damn near suffocating when I’m with them. Emily made us all promise we’d keep living our lives, but she was their only daughter—their only real child. They lost the light of their life and were left with a son-in-law they never asked for.”
“That’s not fair,” I interjected. “They fostered you. You were more than just some random guy they picked up off the street.”
Ransom smiled and patted my leg. “Easy, Tiger. They’re not bad people. Melissa still calls to check up on me. But the relationship is…different now. Yeah, they took me in, but our bond was only strong because of Em. With her gone, the relationship was bound to suffer.”
“Well, I think that’s shitty.”
He shrugged. “Some things are the way they are. I don’t want to waste time worrying or being angry about things I can’t change. I just want to keep living my life the best I can, like Emily told me to. It feels like the best way I can honor her.”
“You’re…” I shook my head, not sure of how to adequately describe what I was feeling. “You’re amazing, Ransom. Truly. You’ve gone through so much, and you’re still just…you. Funny, sweet, dependable Ransom. I feel like I’m a better person just by being in your orbit.”
“I think you’re putting me on too high of a pedestal,” he said before smirking. “I’m into it.”
I laughed, the sound deep and husky. A combination of feeling a little raw and being a tad overwhelmed by the emotions swirling around inside me. Suddenly, I felt like if I didn’t kiss Ransom, I might die. And even though that was a truly poor choice in thoughts in light of what we’d just discussed, I couldn’t help it. This was a man who gave so freely of himself, and I didn’t know how else to express my sincere gratitude for the fact that I got to spend time with him.
Ransom licked his lips, and his eyes became hooded, as if he could sense the direction my thoughts had gone. But he stayed still, evidently waiting for me to make it clear.
“I really want to kiss you right now, but I’m not sure I should.” The sentiment was blunt, but at least it was honest.
“Why not?”
“Because we were just talking about your wife? Because my life is a dumpster fire with Brad as the gasoline? Because we both have a lot going on with school and work? I’m not sure I’m in a good place to start anything? Take your pick.”
“Excuses will always be there for anything we do.”
“But they’re good excuses,” I argued.
“It’s never a good excuse if it keeps you from going after what you want.”
I wasn’t sure I agreed. There was a good chance I’d cross a line tonight that I’d think better of tomorrow for one or all the reasons I’d
