I shake my head and stick my phone in the back pocket of my jeans before heading over to the kitchen. I need a tall glass of ice water to calm my nerves, that’s for sure. Only, upon turning the corner, I run straight into the one man I’ve been kind of avoiding the last day—Hammer.
Why am I avoiding him?
Well, things feel off between us.
I slept in his bed the other night after we hadn’t spoken for ages and now things are even more awkward. We stare at each other from across the room and I think we’re both caught wondering what we do now. I can say without a doubt I’ve had far too many thoughts about him in . . . less than heated circumstances.
Yet the way his eyes stare down into mine causes my heart to beat ten times faster, my palms to go sweaty, and for me to become a complete idiot.
“Hey,” his tone comes out smooth and nurturing, and with one word, I know I’m in for it.
My heart’s pulling me closer to him and I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop myself.
Part of me wants to give in, but then I remind myself Hammer doesn’t know about my past. About the things that’ve shaped me into the woman, I am today. I never planned on telling anyone, but if there was ever anyone I’d share the skeletons in my closet with, it’d be him.
Chapter Nine
Find someone who knows how to calm your storms
~ Bliss
Hammer
“Hey there yourself,” she replies, quickly averting her eyes to look at the ground.
“You alright?” I ask her, searching for some sort of answer.
She nods her head once and clears her throat. “Yeah. Are you?”
“I am, as much as I can be anyway.” I don’t shy away from being truthful with her. Things with my dad haven’t been getting any better, and in all honesty, they’re getting worse. Things with Oakleigh being around have been distracting me from feeling too much in regard to my father, but her being around isn’t shielding me from the fear I have settling in the pit of my stomach.
“How’s your dad?” Shiloh’s question is exactly what I don’t want to be hearing right now, but I breathe in through my nose and answer her.
“He has an infection, different than the one he had the other day. The fever went away for a few hours and came right back, so they’re trying to figure out what type of infection it is. Their infectious disease doctor has been running a bunch of tests, but so far, we don’t have any sort of answer as to what it is. My ma hasn’t wanted to leave his side, but the moments she is, it’s only because my sister has volunteered to be at the hospital with dad.”
Shiloh looks back up into my eyes and the sorrow is evident. “I’m so sorry, Hammer.”
“He’s gonna be okay. I’ve seen the man survive some nasty shit.” I’m quick to say it, but I don’t think I believe a word of it. He’s the strongest man I know and yet an infection is why he’s still in the hospital. It fucking sucks, ‘cause there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.
She grabs onto my hand and gives me an encouraging squeeze. “I have faith he’s going to do his best to pull through this.” She means every word and it’s obvious. Shiloh has always been like this, though, a ray of positivity whenever someone needs it.
“Thank you,” I murmur, then quickly change the subject. “You seen Oakleigh around?”
Shiloh shakes her head. “Last I knew, she was over at the Vixens house.”
“She passed out like an hour ago, said she was exhausted,” Ruby says as she passes by where we’re standing.
“Oh, okay. She alright?” Hammer questions.
Ruby gives him a quick nod. “Yep. I think the last few days have been a lot for her, you know?”
“Okay, cool. When she wakes up, can you tell her I want to have a chat?”
Ruby nods. “Sure. I won’t be around. Zorro’s taking me out to a late dinner, but I’ll tell Rosa and she can tell the other ladies.”
“Thanks, Ruby, I appreciate it,” I reply as Ruby walks into the kitchen.
In my hand lies the results of the paternity test we had done the other day. “Is that what I think it is?” Shiloh asks me.
“Yeah,” I tell her, unfolding the paper. I hand it over to her and watch as she reads it. She’s so focused and then her eyes expand and a smile breaks across her face.
“You have a daughter, Hammer.” I should’ve known Shi would’ve been the happiest for me.
“Yeah, but I don’t know shit about what it means to be a father.”
“That’s okay. This is when you learn, for her. You found each other and that’s the important part here.”
I wish it was so easy. It’s not like she grew up with her mother this entire time. Oakleigh’s been through the rough parts of life and it’s obvious to me. One look into her eyes and the concern about what she’s going to face is evident.
“There’s so much going on right now. Part of me thinks this is some sort of fucked up dream.” I glance down and still see Shiloh’s hand is in mine and can’t tear my eyes away from the sight. I know she’s nervous. Anytime I look at her, it’s like I can see the fear surrounding her. She’s scared, and I can’t blame her for being afraid. I’ve treated her like shit before, and I’ve done some damn fucked up shit, but I’m determined to do better for her.
“I can’t blame you for it. I wish it was a dream for you. No one deserves for their dad to be sick.”
I know we’re in the midst of a serious conversation, but I release her hand
