“I’m sorry.” Eliza’s voice brought me back to reality. “I’m sorry, love. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s all right,” I croaked. The anger had cooled into pain and it was hard to keep my voice steady. “I mean, now I know the truth after all these years. About time you said it.” She stepped towards me and reached out a hand but I jerked my shoulder back. “No.”
“But-“
“I said no!” I snarled at her. “You go be leader or loser or whatever the hell you want to be but you do not get to play the martyr now. You had plenty of chances to not take on my problems before we got married.” She didn’t reply. I stormed back to camp, knowing too well that our fight would have been in full view of more people than either of us would prefer. Thankfully most of the adults would do what they did whenever a domestic dispute was witnessed. Turn the other way and pretend it never happened.
By the time the evening meal came around, I knew that I had overreacted, if just a little. The situation had ratcheted up tension in everyone and Eliza and I had to cope with more than most. I resolved to apologize to her later that night. I wasn’t ready to let go of what she had said, but if we were going to survive the challenges ahead we had to work together. While I waited for Eliza I scrolled through the day’s information. Special sensors placed throughout the fields fed me data on everything from soil composition to water levels. The environment wasn’t controllable in the slightest. It just made me feel better to have an idea of what was going on.
Eliza unzipped the tent flap and stuck a hand into the tent. “Is it safe to come in?” I rolled my eyes. The woman certainly had a knack for saying stupid things at stupid times.
“Can’t stop you.” I settled into the sleeping bag and turned away from the door. I knew I was being childish. In that moment, I didn’t care. I felt her weight settle onto the sleeping bag next to me and a hand touch my shoulder tentatively. “What.” I didn’t turn over. I wanted to make it sting just a little bit more.
“Can we talk? I mean actually talk, not like this afternoon.”
“Sure.” I turned over to face her. Her eyes were red, like she had been crying. I was glad to know that I wasn’t the only one who had suffered from the earlier verbal slings and arrows. “You start.”
“I am so, so sorry. I know that I can’t take back what I said earlier. It was horrible of me and I can never make it up to you.”
“Mhmm.”
“Would it be okay if I explained to you why I want to put my name forward for leader?” I tightened my hand into a fist under the covers.
“If you explain it to me and I still say no, will you honor that and back out of the race?” Eliza’s jaw tightened. It was her choice to make. I couldn’t-shouldn’t-stop her from pursuing what she really wanted.
“My love, you and I have been through so very much.” I nodded. That was the understatement of the century. “We’ve raised a beautiful son together, we’ve worked through countless troubles together, and we have survived together. We are the smartest people in the room, and we have made better decisions for the shelter than ninety percent of the people here.”
“Yeah, we have.” I softened my gaze and stroked her cheek.
“I hate to bring it up like this, but your father is getting old, honey. Alexander is right. It’s more than time for him to step down from leading the people. He did an amazing job, far and away beyond what anyone would ever expect of a person.”
I didn’t disagree.
“I want to put my name in for leader because…” she trailed off, eyes darting away for a moment, as if unsure she should continue speaking. “Well, because I almost lost you. Twice, now.” The realization hit me like a slap across the face. The suicidal ideation I suffered from felt like it was another lifetime. Surviving the sickness seemed again like a distant nightmare. As horrible as it had been to endure both illnesses myself, I couldn’t fathom what it must have been like to have to watch someone go through them. “It feels like there’s nothing I can do to protect you. I can’t leave it up to chance that something else will happen to you. Even if Marcus was elected. Your father is right. He’s an incredibly smart young man but he needs more experience.”
I nodded. “And what about our son, Eliza? Have you considered how he might feel about his mother putting her life on the line?”
“He’s a big boy, Fiona. A grown man fully capable of handling himself. If you or I bit the dust tomorrow, I’m sure he would grieve, but he would continue on just fine.” She smiled gently and offered me her arm to lay on. I settled in against her and felt the tension of the day melt away as the sound of her heartbeat thudded through the fabric of her clothing.
“You can’t leave me out of the process, beloved.” I looked up at her. The wrinkles on both our faces were getting more visible every year. It was one of the things I looked forward to the most when we got married. The idea of growing old with someone was romantic, even idyllic. The strange circumstances we found ourselves in didn’t change that fact.
“Hm?”
“If you do this, and if you become the leader of us all, I expect you to bring me in as your partner. I’ll cede the decision making to you, of course, but you can’t barrel through things without considering us. Not like-“
She squeezed me tightly against her. “I know. Not like your father. I swear to you, I will not abandon you
