As I leave the class, I bump into Trish, another mum, and we take a few minutes for small talk and air kissing.
‘We must do drinks soon,’ says Trish as we part.
‘Totally,’ I agree. ‘Message me. Divine.’
On the way to the car Janice runs after me, wanting to talk about a rumour she’s heard that the school is going to make sport compulsory from grade 1. I’m unclear if Janice thinks this is a good idea or a terrible one. I’m just worried it might disrupt my schedule and mean that Mackenzie can’t do horse-riding any more, which she loves. Which reminds me that she has horse-riding this afternoon.
As soon as I can get away from Janice, I pull out my phone to check that I haven’t scheduled anything in conflict with the horse-riding, and find that I have a hair appointment. I need to change that to this morning, and then I can work on the Pinterest boards for the three wedding plans while I am at the hairdresser. I’m about to call the hairdresser when my phone rings, and it’s my old school friend Tatum, wanting to meet so that we can start planning our school reunion.
‘It’s sixteen years,’ I say. ‘Shouldn’t we wait till twenty to have a big one?’ But Tatum is determined, and I suspect a bit bored, so we schedule a coffee for next week and I ring off. Which reminds me that I’m meeting Chrissie for coffee now to talk about the event for her child’s class.
I walk a bit faster to the car, dialling the hairdresser as I go. They fit me in for later that morning, which just gives me time for the coffee with Chrissie. If I’m quick, I can stop at Liandri’s on the way and drop off her lasagne. Hopefully the baby will be asleep and I can simply glance and run – if it’s awake I’ll have to stay for ages, reassuring her that it’s the most beautiful baby ever born. And I can’t even remember if it’s a boy or a girl.
Then, after the hairdresser, I can drop off the lasagne at Mrs James’s and do some grocery shopping before I fetch Mackenzie. Mackenzie needs to go home, change clothes, and have lunch before horse-riding. I can work on setting up the meetings with the brides while she has her lesson, and then drop her at my parents – who are babysitting – on the way to a charity dinner at the hotel tonight.
I sigh and lean my head on the headrest for a moment – but I don’t have time to stop. Chrissie will be waiting.
As I pull off, Daniel phones. I think about not answering, and I wonder why he always seems to contact me at the worst time in my day. But my mum always says that a problem delayed is a problem doubled, and I kind of live by that.
‘Can we meet?’ says Daniel. ‘We need to talk.’
I think through the schedule I’ve just created, instinctively trying to make time for him. And then I remember I don’t have to.
‘Friday,’ I say, two days from now. ‘I can meet you at exactly eight thirty after I drop Mackenzie, but only for half an hour.’
Daniel is silent, and I switch the phone to Bluetooth so I can negotiate the traffic.
‘When did it become so hard for us to find time for each other?’ he eventually says.
I suck the air through my teeth.
‘When you fucked my best friend,’ I say, keeping my tone conversational. ‘I would say it dates back to that.’ I turn the corner and pull into a parking space outside the coffee shop where I’m meeting Chrissie. ‘See you on Friday, Daniel.’
I have to breathe deeply before I can think of getting out of the car. Because I’ve just admitted a truth I haven’t voiced until now. Julia isn’t an old friend and she isn’t a person I saw daily. But she never wanted anything from me except my company, and she made me laugh, and in a short time I’d come to think of her as my best friend.
It goes without saying that I was wrong about that, but when I lost Daniel, I lost my friend too. Julia probably has lots of people like that in her life, but I don’t. And it makes me sad.
I straighten my clothes and get out of the car. Chrissie is sitting at a table inside and she brightens when she sees me, and gives a little wave.
I plaster a smile to my face, and get on with it.
Helen
I wake up excited. I can’t remember the last time I woke up excited. Probably on the morning of The Accident, picturing a perfect family outing ahead of us, not knowing that my life as I knew it was about to end. But for once, not even that thought takes away my excitement. This evening Julia is coming to tell me something. And it’s either going to be that she’s getting married or that she’s pregnant, I know it. And I have always promised myself that as soon as Julia has a baby, I can die – it’s the deal I made with myself all those years ago.
Because I, of all people, know that loving a child is bigger than anything. If she has a baby, she’ll have someone of her own, someone who needs her. I’ll have done my job. I’ll be free.
Today is different. Today, I’m excited. But I still have hours to go before Julia comes. And it’s my half day and that usually means one thing.
But first, work.
I had to stop nursing after The Accident. When it happened, Julia was two, and I had just
