But it wasn’t like that. We spoke like old friends from the moment we sat down, and we laughed and laughed and laughed. I laugh less without Daniel, so it was intoxicating. And then, as we were laughing and I was feeling happy and relaxed for the first time in months, the unthinkable happened. Daniel and Julia walked in. I froze mid-laugh, and my eyes locked with Daniel’s. I don’t think Julia saw me, he ushered her out so quickly. I could see that she was confused and arguing with him, and I wondered what he’d tell her. After that shock, I made the two bottles of wine we shared look stupid. By the time we’d finished eating, I was very drunk. ‘Let’s go dancing,’ said Laurel. ‘When did you last go dancing?’ I thought, but I couldn’t remember. It’d been a very long time.
‘Where?’ I asked. ‘I don’t even know where the places are.’
‘Downstairs,’ said Laurel. ‘Sounds like it’s pumping.’ It’s true there was a base reverberation coming through the floor.
Obviously I was going to object. School night. And I hadn’t been to a club for years. I started to shake my head.
‘Worried what the sheep will think?’ said Laurel, seeing my hesitation.
‘Oh, fine,’ I laughed. ‘Let’s do it!’
Which is how it came to be that half an hour later we were standing at a bar with three tequila slammers lined up in front of each of us, spurred on by a pair of men young enough to regard us as old. We looked at each other and shrugged before slamming back those tequilas. The rest of the night was a blur, but the young men never left our sides. I have a fuzzy memory of one trying to kiss me, and me explaining at great length about being married and being old and boring, but he still looked at me all doe-eyed and said, ‘Whenever you’re ready.’ Oh Lord, I think I gave him my phone number.
And now I have the mother of all hangovers.
Somehow I manage to scrape myself together, and feed and dress Mackenzie, who is annoyingly upbeat and filled with inane clichés that I can’t think where she’s learnt. We get to school late again, and running to the classroom makes me want to vomit, but Mrs Wood seems to have given up hope in this respect, and just shrugs when Mackenzie comes in.
I’m trying hard not to think about everything I have to do today. As I walk back to the car, I bump into Tiffany and Janice.
‘Well, you and Laurel certainly seemed to have had a good time last night,’ says Janice.
‘I didn’t even realise you were friends,’ says Tiffany.
They are both wearing odd expressions, like they’ve carefully curated their faces. Maybe I just think that because of what Laurel said about them. ‘How on earth do you know?’ I say, forcing a smile.
Janice swipes at her phone. ‘You posted about a million pictures on Facebook.’
I never put anything on Facebook. I look at it occasionally and ‘like’ things other people have posted, but I’m not a Facebook person really. I take Janice’s phone, and sure enough I seem to have posted a whole lot of pictures between 11 p.m. and 2 a.m., all of me and Laurel and the two young men dancing, and taking stupid selfies, and generally falling about.
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. ‘Oh God,’ I say. ‘I didn’t even know I knew how to do that.’
Janice laughs, obviously deciding that the correct reaction is ‘good sport’. ‘What? Have fun or post things on Facebook?’ I can almost feel Janice crafting the story she will tell about ‘How Absolutely Hilarious Claire Is’.
‘Both!’
‘Well, it looks like you had a ball,’ says Janice, warmly.
‘Ask us along next time,’ says Tiffany. ‘I haven’t partied like that in years.’
‘It was very spontaneous,’ I say, a bit defensively. ‘And the way I’m feeling today, I doubt I’ll ever do it again.’
They both laugh, and I can see they’ve decided not to be offended.
Then Janice says, ‘What did Daniel think about you being out so late? Dirk would go ballistic if I did that.’
I know I should just tell them. This secrecy is getting ridiculous. But if I say anything now, then there’s going to be a whole intense conversation and they’re going to want to go somewhere and talk, and all I want to do is to climb back into bed.
‘Oh, you know Daniel . . .’ I wave my hands vaguely, hoping that I’m indicating Daniel’s generally relaxed attitude. I must succeed because they both nod.
‘You’re so lucky, Claire,’ says Tiffany. ‘But you deserve it.’
They both hug me, and I feel awkward because I don’t think I bathed when I came home and I must smell of alcohol and clubs. I say as much, and they seem to think that’s hilarious.
‘You’re such a hoot,’ says Janice.
‘Always up to something,’ says Tiffany.
I sigh inwardly. I have a feeling that wild girls’ nights are on the cards for both of them.
Julia
I feel like seeing my dad today, and I know Wednesday afternoon is when my mum always goes, so I decide to pop in at lunch because I might bump into my mum when she arrives.
‘I’m going to see my dad at lunch,’ I tell Gerald. ‘So I might be a little late back.’
‘Right,’ says Gerald, who’s been treating me like royalty since I saved the meeting with Steve’s company yesterday. ‘Your dad’s in a coma, right?’
‘That’s right, Gerald,’ I say, because he seems to need to revisit this information often. ‘But he can hear what we say, so we visit.’
‘Right,’ says Gerald.
‘Right,’ I say, because the habit seems to be catching. ‘Bye.’
I’m really looking forward to having this quiet time to speak to my father, to tell him my news, and to feel what he thinks. His presence is always so powerful and so peaceful. I love the way I know he’s there, at peace with the world
