‘Julia,’ he says, beaming and standing up. ‘I got here early to get a head start, and here you are – early too.’
I smile. I’m not going to explain that I ran out the house to avoid sex with my boyfriend, the father of my unborn child.
‘I am,’ I say. ‘I needed to wee, so I drove super-fast.’
Steve laughs, and pushes his glasses up his nose. ‘I bought you something,’ he says, reaching under the table. He takes a floppy-eared toy rabbit out of a gift bag. ‘Rabbit.’ His voice is steeped in satisfaction.
I saw the same rabbit in a shop, and in fact considered buying it. But it was ridiculously expensive.
‘Steve, you’ve spent a fortune.’
‘It’s nothing,’ he says. ‘I had fun choosing it.’
I don’t know what to say. This is currently the baby’s only possession. It’s suddenly so real, so tangible. There’s going to be a baby who will hold that rabbit. Tiny little fingers will wrap around the rabbit’s ear. A little mouth might suck on it.
I start to feel a bit faint, and sit down.
‘Wow. I’m having an actual baby.’
‘Are you okay?’ says Steve. ‘You look a bit pale.’
‘I’m not really sure I’ve properly grasped this baby thing,’ I say. Not worrying about how foolish I must sound. I expect Steve to laugh, but he doesn’t. Instead, he crouches down next to me.
‘It must be overwhelming. It must be the biggest thing ever.’
‘That’s just it,’ I say. ‘It is. But I don’t think I’ve understood that until now.’ I gesture at the toy rabbit. ‘I’ve just been thinking about Daniel, and us, and what that means. I haven’t thought about an actual baby. I’m not sure I can cope with an actual baby.’
‘You’ll be brilliant,’ says Steve. ‘You’re going to be an ace mum.’
‘You’re just saying that.’
‘No,’ he says. ‘I have a gut feel for these things. You’ll be great.’
‘You’re kind of an odd guy,’ I say. ‘Not as straightforward as you seem.’
‘Oh,’ says Steve. ‘I’m very straightforward. To a fault. I’m the quintessential what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of guy. I’ve been told it’s not very sexy.’ He looks genuinely upset as he says this.
‘You know what, Steve?’
‘What?’
‘I only date sexy guys. And I dated you. So to hell with those people who don’t see it.’
Steve laughs. ‘Well, this is a pretty unusual start to a meeting,’ he says. ‘Toy rabbits and angst, all before coffee.’
‘In that case, we’d better get some coffee. And possibly do some work.’
As I pack up the rabbit, I wonder what Daniel will say. He hasn’t bought a single thing for the baby so far, and he might feel that it’s his prerogative as the father to buy the first thing.
On the other hand, he probably won’t.
Daniel
Claire’s message weighs down my phone. A trip to Mauritius without me. Claire with Mackenzie and an affidavit from me allowing them to go.
I love Mauritius. Claire knows I love Mauritius.
I follow the link she sent me and suddenly I know what Claire expects me to do. Everything makes sense.
With a smile, I print out the affidavit. I take it down to the local police station, where I wait almost an hour to have it commissioned. Usually the inefficiency would annoy me, but today I feel strangely at peace.
I get the document signed, and when I get back to the office, I get the driver to drop it off at Claire’s place.
Then I buzz my PA, and tell her what needs to be done.
SATURDAY
Claire
When I got home yesterday to find the affidavit from Daniel, I breathed a sigh of relief. I realised that part of me had expected him to object, to stop me taking Mackenzie out of the country without him. You’re always reading stories about women whose mean ex-husbands prevent them from travelling with the children anywhere, and they have to take them to court and all sorts of things.
But Daniel’s signed the document without any fuss. There’s a small part of me that feels sad. Daniel loves Mauritius, and he loves family holidays. We’ll never have one of those again, and he’s obviously made peace with that. It’s just another of the many milestones I’ll have to face in this new life without Daniel by my side. I’m sad, but I’m also a bit exhilarated.
Mackenzie is beside herself. She’s ready to go to the airport hours before we need to leave. I have to persuade her not to travel in her swimming costume and the large straw sun hat my mother once left here. Mackenzie’s furious, and I placate her by allowing her to wear the hat.
While I do the last of the packing, I tell her to phone Daniel to say goodbye. She likes phoning Daniel – the increase in the number of phone calls she’s allowed to make alone is, in her opinion, a positive side effect of our new situation. I hear her voice rise and fall as I pack, and I wonder what she’s saying to him. They never used to talk this much when we all lived together. I grimace. Another silver lining. It’s starting to feel a bit strange – exactly how many silver linings are there in this story?
When she finishes, she reports back.
‘Daddy is very strange,’ she observes.
‘Why, sweetie?’
‘He kept laughing and saying stupid things that didn’t make sense. Daddy is so stupid. So dumb. I’m going to phone him and tell him that.’
I let her go. It’ll keep her busy. I laugh to myself. We haven’t even left, and already I’m feeling so much better.
And Daniel really can’t be told often enough how stupid he is.
Julia
I wake up happy. I don’t feel nauseous and I don’t feel tired. Best of all, I feel happy. Last night was the best.
I got home and decided to leave the little toy rabbit in the car, because I wasn’t really sure how Daniel would react, and why
