“I can’t swim there. Not with sharks.”
“They’re only small sharks.” I say. “Come on, it’s fun.” I let her watch for a while, then lead her away to the storeroom.
I let her get changed in private. It seems more proper that way, then when she’s done I quickly change too. When I get out she’s still staring down at the sharks.
“Are you sure about this?” She asks, biting her lip. “Have you done it before?”
I’ve done it loads before, the animals here are completely used to the aquarium staff and volunteers snorkeling in this pool – that’s why I’m allowed to do it tonight. But I decide to play a trick on her. I just shrug a bit, and I see how much she tenses up.
“You haven’t?! Then I’m not.”
“Relax, just watch out for Norman.” I climb the barrier of the bridge, and lean out over the water. Then I fix the mask over my face and let go.
It’s lovely, being engulfed by warm water, it always is. I let myself sink down, to the bottom of the pool. With the splash I made, all the fish initially keep away, but after a few moments they come back, inquisitive to see what has just joined them. But I don’t stay long. I surface to see Lily still on the bridge.
“Come on!” I call.
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.”
“Oh for Christ’s sake.” She slowly climbs over the barrier too, but holds on tight to the railings.
“Come on!”
She lets go, and screams as she hits the water.
I can see how panicked she is at first, she won’t even put her face in the water, even though that’s the best way to calm down, by seeing what it is that’s scaring you. But slowly, when nothing attacks her, I manage to persuade her to put the mask on properly, and first to look down, and then to take little dives under the water and around the tank. The fish are very good at not coming too close, except for some of the sharks that don’t seem to care. They actually brush against us as we’re swimming, and we can feel how rough their skin is. Norman comes to see us too, but he’s not in a nippy mood.
We swim around the strange glass bubble that is the tunnel. It’s weird how it always looks distorted and odd from when you’re inside it, looking up into the water, and it always looks really limiting and small when you’re in the water. There are other viewing ports too, and we swim around them all, looking out at the public spaces like the fish do. Finally we swim circuits of the whole pool, along with the mixed shoal of fish, and then with Norman, holding onto the rim of his shell, and letting him pull us through the water. Then – because it’s nearly midnight – I say we should probably get out of the water now.
We both get changed in the storeroom this time – only because I forgot to suggest we should bring any towels, but they have some in there. And I look away from Lily as she peels down the swimsuit, but she’s going on and on about how amazing it was to feel the sharks, and she notices me looking away, and tells me to look back, and then she can’t stop giggling at my reaction. And I have to remind her, again, that they have CCTV in the main part of the aquarium.
And then we get let out, back into the street, and we decide to walk home, because it’s a nice night. And when we finally get back to Lily’s house, and Lily starts kissing me the moment we get inside, I don’t stop her this time.
“You know,” Lily says the next morning, when I wake up. I’m late actually – I ought to be at a class, but it’s not one I really have to go to. Lily draws the drapes back to let the daylight in. She’s already been downstairs and I can smell the coffee. “I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday. About how we’ve been hiding away here.” I kind of struggle up onto one of my elbows, and rub my eyes with the other hand.
“You have?”
“Yeah. I have. And you’re right. We can’t go on like this, hiding away, as you put it.” She smiles to show she’s not mad. “We need to open up to the world. Beyond Eric I mean. Be brave.”
“A bit like before. When we did lots of things. That was fun.”
“Yeah. So…” She takes a deep breath. “I was thinking that, before we do, before we tell the whole world, we should get everyone back together first. To clear the air. You know, Eric and Jennifer and Oscar and… …and James.” She looks at me for a second as she says the last name, then looks away again.
“Oh.” I say.
“He’s part of the group Billy. And Eric says he knows about us anyway. But he’s OK with it. I mean – he ought to be. He’s the one who broke up with me.” She smiles again, but it’s a little more forced this time. “And I heard that he’s got a new girlfriend. Some cheerleader called Brooke.” She screws up her nose, as if this is a really stupid name. “I guess we could invite her too.”
“Invite her? Invite her where?”
“Round here. Before we – you know – before we get seen out. I was thinking I could invite them all on Saturday. Would that be OK with you?
It wasn’t what I meant really, about going out more. But I guess it’s a step in the right direction. “OK. I guess.”
Lily
