He stared down at her, his body taut and ready to take her. His erection pressed boldly against her as if demanding what it wanted, and she wanted to 126
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give him what he wanted so badly it hurt. But suddenly, good old kick-you-in-the-ass logic stormed through the passion-glazed wall in her brain like an army laying siege to a castle. She tried to sit up, but he refused to move.
“Let me up, Lorent.”
“That’s not what you were saying a minute ago,” he said through gritted teeth as if he was in pain.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let this go so far. I meant what I said earlier.”
She gently shoved at his chest.
“Don’t shut me out.” He squeezed his eyes closed for a moment, and when he opened them, the glow was barely discernible.
“I’m not shutting you out.” She reached up and cupped his jaw. “I would never shut you out. That’s the whole point.”
When she shoved at his chest again, he rolled off her and was instantly on his feet in a smooth, fluid moment she envied. He held his hand out to her, and she hesitantly took it and let him pull her up.
She turned away from him to fasten her bra and right the rest of her clothing with shaky hands.
“I don’t know if I can ever give you what you want.”
She faced him, tears burning her eyes. “I’m not trying to be unfair by asking this of you, but I’m begging you to make an effort to understand my point of view. If I make a commitment to you, if we are to be together, I need to know you, Lorent. The real you. I need to know that you can trust me. I need to know that you can come to me and tell me anything. I expect nothing of you I’m not willing to give myself. I told you about my mother.
I’ve never told another soul. No one knows my true feelings or the guilt I feel over her death.”
She stepped back when Lorent came toward her.
“I love you, Lorent. I’ll always love you no matter what you do, no matter what you’ve done. I have to know that you will never doubt that.”
He held his hands up and shook his head. The sorrow in his eyes, the defeat that burned in them nearly made her cry out. She wanted to go to him, hold him, pound some sense into his thick skull.
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But if he couldn’t trust her, she couldn’t commit her life to him. If he couldn’t believe that she would still love him after hearing about his past, she didn’t see how they could have a healthy relationship. She would never be able to prove to him that she’d love him, all of him, mistakes and all.
“I understand. I’ll think about it, but I can’t promise anything.”
Tears fell down her cheeks. What if he refused to tell her? Would he really throw away what they could have just to keep his secrets? Maybe he didn’t love her. After all, he’d never said it back.
“I can’t continue these lessons, Lorent. I’ll talk to Rose and tell her . . .”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll tell her something. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I’ll make sure she knows that. Thank you for what you’ve taught me.”
She turned to go, but when she reached for the door, a warm hand came down on her shoulder.
Lorent nuzzled her hair and took a deep breath as if trying to get her scent deep into his lungs. She almost turned around, flung her arms around him, and begged him to forget everything she’d said, that nothing mattered as long as he never stopped touching her again, but she couldn’t. She had to stand firm for her own good, for the good of their future . . . for Lorent.
“Please don’t go,” he pleaded.
She choked out an “I’m sorry” before hurrying out the door and away from the man she’d fallen in love with.
She stopped by Rose’s on her way home in hopes to talk to her about what had happened, but didn’t get to discuss anything in detail since Knox had shown up halfway through their conversation. After a halfhearted attempt at eating a spaghetti dinner they’d invited her to stay and share with them, Knox walked her back to her cabin as the sun sank from the sky.
Puss greeted her when she got home, and she scooped the cat up, hugged her, and nuzzled her nose against the soft fur of her neck.
“I don’t know if I’m going to get through to him, Puss.” Melony felt the tears building again and choked back a sob.
She let Puss down after deciding to do a load of laundry and to give her place a good scrubbing. The place wasn’t all that dirty, but she needed 128
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something to occupy her mind. She scrubbed every nook and cranny, found every tiny cobweb, and several hours and a sparkling home later, she stepped under the hot spray of the shower. She was exhausted both mentally and physically. While she still felt she’d made the right decision about Lorent, her heart argued the point.
After the shower, she sank into bed and burrowed under the covers, where she fell asleep almost instantly with Puss curled up next to her, purring contentedly.
* * * *
She stared at Lorent, torn between the urge to run away and the need to fling herself into his arms. She hadn’t been all that surprised when he’d shown up in her dreams yet again since it had become a normal, nearly nightly occurrence.
“Melony.” His voice was low, gravelly, etched with longing and a hint of . . . pain?
“Go away, Lorent. I can’t bear being with you in my dreams when I can’t
