“Mess with hair?” I asked. “As in, cosmetology?”
She nodded.
“That’s a great career,” I said.
“My parents won’t see it that way.”
Tia chimed in. “I’m sure your parents will be happy if you’re happy. That’s what most parents want, right?”
“Yes, for sure,” I said.
“Okay, you’re right,” Maricela said. “I went too dark. Your turn, Avery. What are you scared of?”
I could tell she was trying to get the attention off herself, but how was I supposed to go after that? “I don’t know…bears?”
They laughed, but then Maricela said, “No, really. I went there. What scares you?”
I tried to think of a time in my life I was most scared. “In the sixth grade, I was in this elite choir for school and after a few months I got picked to do my very first solo. The time came to sing it and I just stood there, staring at the audience, in complete terror. I ran off the stage and never went back to choir.”
“You have stage fright?” Maricela asked.
“I must.” It was probably the same reason I froze up every time Lauren’s camera was on me. Or panicked when I was the center of attention. I looked at Kai. “How do you do it? Sit up there and play in front of everyone?”
He shrugged and smiled. “I’m a natural, I guess.”
“There’s your answer,” Maricela said. “An abundance of confidence.”
“This is truth,” Kai said.
“Ian!” Tia called. “Tips for stage fright?”
“Just don’t think about it,” he called back.
“Helpful,” I said.
Levi got up to join us. “Or imagine nobody is listening,” he said. “Oh wait, that just works when playing at dinner…because nobody is.”
“Because all the attention is on me,” Kai said.
“With a head that big…” He trailed off.
“What’s that, Levi?” Kai asked. “Did you want to finish that sentence?”
A movement behind Levi caught my attention and I watched Ian leave the campfire, heading toward the cabins. Brooks was now sitting alone, the Oreos on the ground. He was slouched so far down in the chair that his head rested on the back, and his legs were out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. He looked deep in thought. While the others moved on from their argument and started talking about tomorrow’s workday, I stood up and stretched.
“I’m getting one of your Oreos,” I said to Maricela. She waved me the go-ahead.
“Toss me one too,” Kai said as I walked away.
I reached Brooks.
“Come to steal my food?” he asked, his head still on the chair’s back, his eyes pointing up at the sky.
“Are there any left?”
“Yes.”
I picked up the package, peeled open the resealable top, and took out a cookie. “Kai! Heads up.”
He turned and I threw one into his waiting hands. I got one out for myself and then put the cookies back down.
“Hey, um…thanks for not telling anyone about…”
“About what?” he asked, that teasing glint in his eyes.
“About me having a meltdown. I don’t normally have those, and especially not in front of strangers.”
“Are we still strangers?”
“No…we’re not.” Did that mean we were friends?
“No problem,” he returned. “You okay?”
“I’m…” Okay, Avery, you’re fine. You were willing to text it to Shay and say it to your dad. Why can’t you say it to Brooks? “I’m…still a mess, but I will eventually be okay, I think.” For the first time in days, a little tension eased from my chest at admitting that out loud. And maybe that gave me the courage to say the next thing I blurted out. “I’m going to discover myself this summer.” He was the first person I had admitted that to.
“Are you missing?” he asked.
“I’m beginning to think I am.” And it was not a good feeling.
He nodded at the chair next to him and I sat down.
“Long story,” I said. “Basically, I’ve become a zombie, I guess. Just doing what I always do because I’ve always done it. So now I need to, I don’t know…”
“Live.”
I smiled. “Yes. I’m going to try a bunch of new things. Make sure I’m awake while deciding my future. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life doing something, I want to make sure it’s what I want to be doing. Like you.” I paused as my brain caught up with my statement. “Oh frick, that came out wrong. I don’t want to be doing you. I meant, you know what you want to do with your life.” My cheeks were bright red.
“You don’t want to be doing me?” he asked, obviously enjoying my embarrassment.
“Stop,” I said with a laugh.
He was laughing too, but then his laughter slowly trailed off. “You think I know what I want to do with my life?”
“At least what you’re passionate about.”
“Music?” he asked.
“Aren’t you?” I knew he was. I’d seen him playing, that fire in his eyes.
He slowly nodded. “Do you believe in signs, Avery?”
I thought about that question. “Probably not.”
One side of his mouth rose into a half-smile.
“Do you?” I asked.
“I do,” he said. “After this summer, I was going to give up music. I need a more secure future. People are counting on me.”
“But…,” I said when he stopped.
“But on the way up here this year, I saw that flyer for the festival at a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop and I made a deal with myself. If I could win that festival, I wouldn’t give it up. That was my sign.”
“Win it? Go big or go home?”
“That’s the kind of megasign I need right now. Not some half-hearted maybe.”
“Then win it,” I said.
He gave a breathy laugh. “If only my band believed in me that much.”
“Make them.”
He stared at the tips of his fingers that were probably calloused from years of pressing down on strings. “Help me with the lyrics for our audition song,” he said in a rush of air.
“Me?”
He nodded. “And I’ll…I’ll help you find yourself. I know this camp inside and out. I know all sorts of new things you could try.”
This felt like the easiest
