That final thought sealed the deal.
Hours went by, but I didn’t feel the least bit tired, and I was still awake and lying on my side when Finn came into the room. The bed dipped when he crawled in next to me, and a second later his hand ran down my head. Tears welled in my throat when he pressed his lips against my temple, bringing with them doubt and uncertainty.
Was I really willing to jeopardize the little bit of joy I had for my mother? She wouldn’t have done it for me. Then again, was I that callous and cold? Could I turn my back on her the way she had with me? Could I treat my mother, the woman who had given me life, like she meant nothing?
No, I couldn’t. I would go and say my goodbyes. I would be the bigger person. I wouldn’t let hate win.
My resolve did little to ease my worry.
Chapter Thirty
Finn was asleep at my side, his heavy breathing filling the room.
I’d made up my mind, but that didn’t make it any less scary. I just had to pray I could get there and back without being noticed, and once I did, I would explain to Finn and apologize for not telling him everything. I could do this, and once I had, I’d be at peace.
I had to give myself a pep talk before I was finally able to slide out of bed. The floor was cold beneath my bare feet, but not so much as a creak broke the silence as I tiptoed across the room and down the hall.
Once I’d reached the living room, I headed for the small table beside the couch. It was dark, but I knew the place well enough by now that I was able to find the rock without an issue. It was cool against my skin when I picked it up, and I hesitated for just a moment when doubts crept through me. They were gone in a flash, though, pushed away by my earlier resolve, and I put the rock over my chip.
I counted to sixty, not positive how long it would take but wanting to make sure I was thorough. Then I set the stone down and continued across the room, sweeping my shoes up off the floor before stepping outside. The air was cool, making it easier to breathe, and I paused to slip my shoes on before scanning the District. It was as silent and dark as I’d expected it to be, but that didn’t ease my anxiety. Nothing would until I was back here safe and sound.
I wound my way over the walkways and down the stairs, and once I’d reached the ground, managed to find the bar by memory alone, sticking to the shadows as I moved. The wall was right behind it, and there was about two feet of space separating the fence from the building. I had to feel my way as I moved, running my hand over rough pieces of wood and cold metal signs before finally coming to a large sheet of steel. I moved my hands over it, feeling the surface until I located the edges then probing them. What I was looking for, I didn’t know, but I felt certain I’d know when I found it.
I was right, and the second my fingers brushed the latch, I knew what I was feeling. I flipped it, my heart rate picking up when a click echoed through the silence. For a moment, I didn’t move, holding my breath while I waited to see if anyone had heard the sound. It seemed as loud as an energy pulse, but logically I knew it had been much quieter.
When nothing moved, I went back to work, tugging on the sheet of metal. It took a little effort, but eventually I was able to get it to move, and within seconds the little opening was in front of me.
This was it.
I stayed where I was, once again giving myself a pep talk. It wouldn’t take long. A fifteen-minute walk there, maybe thirty minutes at the house, and then I could head back. An hour, maybe a little more, and I’d be safe in the District once again. I could do it. I knew it. Not only that, I needed to do it. I had to be the bigger person. I had to prove I was better than my mom.
More determined than ever, I ducked through the opening, pulling it shut behind me. I ended up in a small alley that ran behind a few businesses, sandwiched between them and the District. I kept my back pressed against the fence and my steps light as I headed for the road, pausing once I’d reached it so I could take a look around. The gate was just visible from my position, and thanks to the streetlights, I could tell it was clear.
I took a deep breath before stepping out.
One hour. That was all I needed. Just one hour, and I’d be back with Finn. Safe and sound.
The streets and sidewalks were practically deserted at this time of night. Occasionally, an auto whirled past as I ran, making me tug on my hood in an attempt to cover not just my face, but also the brand on my neck. I wore my hair down and draped across my shoulder, so it would give me more cover, but my heart still leapt to my throat whenever headlights slid over me.
Thankfully, it was a short walk, because by the time I turned onto my street, every little sound made me jump. I wasn’t sure my nerves could take much
