The fantasy hurts and it turns me on, and I don’t know if I want to tell him he’s an asshole or beg him to make it reality.
“No time like the present to start.” Devan shifts his grip on me and then he’s pushing to his feet, easily carrying me to the bed. He sets me down on it with more gentleness than I want, and immediately makes it better by winding my hair around his fist and using the hold to tilt my head back. His gaze snags on my mouth. “Hardly know where to start,” he murmurs, and I get the impression that he’s talking to himself.
“Getting naked sounds like a great plan from where I’m sitting.”
“No.” A sharp shake of his head. “Don’t rush me.”
“Devan—”
He tugs on my hair, just hard enough to hurt. “If you won’t keep that mouth respectful, I guess I’ll just have to teach it a lesson.”
Eagerness has me clenching my thighs together. “Oh no,” I say drily. “Not that.”
Chapter 7
Devan tugs on my hair again. “I should ask you if you’re dating someone, but I’ll be honest—I really don’t give a fuck. You’re mine tonight. Say it, Hazel.”
I’m not dating anyone. I’m never dating anyone, not in recent years. The people I meet these days who want to seduce or create some kind of relationship aren’t interested in seeing beneath the perfectly polished surface. They don’t want the ugly bits, the jagged pieces snapped off from the puzzle of the girl I no longer add up to. Devan doesn’t want me in any permanent way, and he’s already seen me at my worst. The freedom of that knowledge makes me a little giddy. “I’m yours tonight.”
“I know.” He considers me. “Well, birthday girl. Let’s put that disobedient mouth to good use.”
I reach for the front of his jeans with shaking hands. I don’t think I’ve stopped shaking since he showed up tonight. Desire is a heady thing, and my desire for Devan seems bottomless. Even more so now that I’m dragging down his zipper and working his jeans over his hips. I start to push them down further, but he shakes his head. “That’s good enough.”
His insistence that we remain as clothed as possible is making me restless. I can’t tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. When’s the last time I was denied something I wanted? I can’t remember. Oh, there are things that will never be mine again, but these days, if I want it, it’s there for the taking.
Except this man.
I just want us both to strip down and to have as much of my skin pressed up against as much of his skin as possible. I wouldn’t have thought I was touch-starved, but that’s what this feels like. A growing frenzy that Devan keeps intentionally ignoring.
Then nothing else matters because I free his cock and it’s right there. Just as thick and perfect as the man himself. Big enough that a little tremor of foreboding goes through me. Maybe this extended foreplay isn’t a bad thing, because I’ve never been with anyone this size before. Not even the CEO with the array of rainbow-colored strap-ons. Her largest size was smaller Devan.
I carefully wrap as much of my fist around him as possible. “I don’t know if I can take this.”
“You can.” He doesn’t move, just waits for me to decide for myself.
As if I’m going to turn away from him now, giant cock or not. The thought almost makes me laugh. I take a deep breath, do my best to quell my nerves and dip down to take him into my mouth. It’s a slow slide, and I immediately make my peace with the fact I won’t be able to take him all, or even take this much for long. That’s okay. I am more than capable of working with what I have.
“Look at me, Hazel.”
I open my eyes and look up his body to his face. He’s staring down at me as if… I honestly don’t know. I’m not sure how to define the expression on his face. Intense, yes, but there are layers I’m not capable of peeling back.
It’s always been that way with me and Devan. He’s the wall I crash against over and over, so strong it seems like nothing I do touches him until, just for a moment, he’ll crack a little and the sunlight will stream in.
It feels like that right now. Like I’m being bathed in sunlight.
Then he shuts it down, once more the disapproving asshole. “You should see how you look right now, those pretty red lips wrapped around my cock.” He shakes his head slowly. “You’re the most fucked up combination of sinful and innocent. It’s enough to mess with a person’s head.”
I ease off his cock enough to say. “Which way do you want me to play?” God knows I can do both; I’ve angled one or another in the past, though being innocent never felt particularly comfortable. It’s not who I am.
“You don’t get it.” He wraps his free hand around his cock and drags it along my bottom lip. “Be you, Hazel. That’s what I want. That’s all I want.”
He might as well have stripped me down to my skin; further even, down to the flesh, blood, and bones beneath. Burrowing deep to the locked space around my heart. “No one wants that.”
Devan lowers his brows. “You don’t mean that.”
“Please.” My throat feels appallingly tight all of a sudden. “We both know it’s the truth. I’m not as bad as I used to be, but I’m messy. No one wants that kind of clusterfuck in their lives. Not for long, anyway.”
He releases me and sinks down. He’s tall enough that we’re almost the same
