I can’t accept that right now.
It will hurt even more than anything he can do to my body, because it’s not real. This is only temporary, which means no matter how kindly or harshly he treats me, it’s all part of one fantasy or another.
I can’t let it be real.
I wrap my hands around his wrists. “Fuck me, Devan. Fuck me hard. Please.”
He studies my face for a long moment, dark gaze touching on my eyes, the tear tracts down my cheeks, my mouth that feels ravished after our earlier kisses. Finally he shakes his head. “No.”
“But—”
“That’s not what you need, Hazel.”
“You don’t get to tell me what I need!”
His lifts his brows, but his face is oh-so-serious. “Don’t I?”
“No.” I start to sit up, but he plants a big hand in the center of my chest and pushes me back down. I glare. “Let me go.”
“Do you want to use red?”
God, I’ve never hated a man the way I do in this moment. Of course I don’t want to use red. We’re so close to the end of this thing, using red now might actually end it, and that’s something I can’t live with. “No.”
He doesn’t mock me for my submission. He just hooks one arm under my thigh and spreads me wide so he can start working his cock into me again. “You don’t need to be fucked, Hazel.”
I’m so furious and hurt and turned on, I can’t keep my mouth shut. “Oh, sure, keep pretending you know what I need.”
“Don’t have to pretend.” He thrusts forward a little more, finally sheathing himself entirely within me. He braces himself on his elbows and holds my gaze. “I know what you need. I’ve always known what you need.”
“And, pray tell, what’s that?”
“Someone to take care of you.” He kisses my neck as he starts moving slowly within me. “Someone to tell when you’ve been a dirty little slut and need the attitude fucked right out of you. Someone to be a safe place for you, a harbor in the storm.” He starts moving slightly faster, pleasure overtaking his words, to the point where I’m certain I don’t hear the next bit correctly.
I couldn’t have possibly. Because I could swear he said… “Someone like me.”
Devan’s dick is too good. It has me hallucinating feelings. Except I know that’s not the truth, it’s never been the truth. I drag my hands down his back to grab his ass, urging him to thrust deeper, harder, even if he never increases the pace. It feels too perfect to be held by him like this, fucked by him like this. Like it’s not fucking at all, but something entirely more emotional.
Even though I know better, I can’t help striking back with the only weapon I have. My words. “You don’t know me, Devan. You never have.”
“Wrong.” He wedges one arm beneath my hips, lifting them into an angle that lets him go deeper yet. “I know you in every stubborn, glorious detail.”
Now it’s my turn to throw his accusation back in his face. “Liar.”
“You were right before.” His voice has gone rough as he fucks me. “Not the little details. Not the bullshit. But I know you, Hazel Gardner, and don’t try to tell me otherwise.” And then his mouth is on mine again. This time, he doesn’t back off. Devan fucks me like he’s mad at me, like if he can just make me come hard enough, he can convey some understanding to me that’s slipping through my fingers.
I want that understanding just as much as I’m scared of it. It doesn’t matter what fantasies we weave here, because they’re fantasies.
What he’s saying sounds so much closer to the truth.
I know better than anyone that sometimes the truth hurts. Hurts so bad, you can’t breathe past it, until all that’s left are pained animal noises emerging from your throat.
“Hazel.”
I blink up at Devan. He’s frowning. “Where’d you go?”
“Nowhere.”
“Liar. You want distance, and that’s bullshit” He hooks my right leg over his arm and presses it up, allowing him to sink even deeper. Devastatingly deep. “You want to pretend you’re not undone by me, birthday girl? Not fucking likely.”
“Shut up.” I grab his hair and tug him back down to my mouth. The kiss is fierce and far too short. And then he’s looking at me. God, the man is always looking at me. Always seeing too much. Always delving right down to the heart of me.
I shove at his chest, and he lets me move him back. I whimper a little as his cock leaves my body, but the temporary loss is better than having him read me like a book. I flip over onto my stomach. “Like this.”
For a moment, I think he won’t keep fucking me, but he gives a ragged laugh and presses a hand to the middle of my back, pushing me down so my ass is in the air. “It’s like that, is it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Liar. Always such a fucking liar with that pretty mouth, spouting bullshit.” He all but shoves his cock into me, resuming his grip on my hips from before. But harder. So much harder. “Do you believe the lies you tell, birthday girl?” He thrusts forward and drags me back at the same time, sinking impossibly deep.
So fucking deep. Deeper than anyone’s gone before.
He really has ruined me.
It makes me want to return the favor.
I brace my hands against the headboard as he fucks me roughly. It is fucking now. There’s no softness left in Devan, and I relish the sound of flesh meeting flesh that fills the room. “I’m not the only liar in this room.”
“Mmmm.” He lifts my hips a little higher and does something different with his stroke that has my eyes damn near rolling back in my head. Devan, the bastard, knows it. He gives low laugh. “Say it again and mean it.”
“Liar,” I gasp. “Pretending you haven’t wanted me this
