about the two of you. I remember every moment down to the smallest detail of the time we
spent together. More than anything, I remember that day when I hurt you and Tomi, when I
said things to you that make me feel disgusted with myself. You have no idea how much I
wish I could take back what I said that day, to take back the hurt and anger and pain that I
caused you and Tomi.” His throat tightened, his voice thickened with emotion as he tried to
hold it together long enough to say what needed to be said.
“You were right about me, Mitch. I lied to you, to Tomi, and to myself. I was too afraid
to tell you the truth, too afraid to let you know how much I loved you both — how much I
still love you — or to allow myself to even dare to hope that you and Tomi could ever love
me in return.” A computerized voice interrupted Linc, warning him that he only had thirty seconds
left to finish his message.
“God, I miss you both…so much,” he whispered hoarsely. “I am not the same without
you; my life is not the same without you and Tomi in it. Everything I do, everything I see,
reminds me of you, and I”d give anything, do anything, to be with you both again, to be a
part of your relationship again.” He sighed heavily before he continued.
“There”s one last thing I want to tell you before I hang up. You were wrong about one
thing, Mitch. I didn”t just use you and Tomi and then walk away. The two of you have
owned me since the moment I saw you. In those weeks we spent together, you became a part
of me, and losing you feels like I”ve lost a part of myself. Regardless of whether we ever see
each other again, you and Tomi deserve to know that you mean so much more to me than
just a convenient piece of ass. You have a right to know that I love you and want forever
with you, even if that isn”t possible.”
Linc quickly left his hotel information and his cell phone number, whispering, “I love
you,” just before he heard a beep signaling the end of his message. He disconnected his call
and laid the phone on the bed before he got up and headed for the bathroom. No use in
sitting here, driving himself crazy while he waited.
As Linc stepped into the shower, the same thought repeated in his mind, like a mantra:
God, please let them call.
*
He spent his day reacquainting himself with the city he”d called home for years, the
place he”d sworn never to set foot in again. Linc”s first stop was just a few doors down from
his hotel at the Roxy Deli on Broadway, his favorite breakfast spot.
He grabbed a sandwich and coffee to go before he continued his walk down memory
lane. Linc passed the CitySpire building on West Fifty-sixth Street, where he once lived with
Ava and Paul, the Bamboo 52 bar, on Fifty-second Street, where he used to meet his lovers and friends for dinner and drinks, until he finally reached the place where his life changed
forever.
Linc stood at the site of Ground Zero, so overwhelmed with memories that he couldn”t
speak. Somehow, he found the courage to go inside the memorial museum, searching
through the victims until he located Paul and Ava”s names.
He lost track of time, unsure of how long he stood there, reliving that day several years
ago, alternating between outbursts of laughter and uncontrollable tears as he remembered
both the good and bad times he had had with his lovers before they died. By the time he
finally left, his heart felt a little lighter, his conscience a little clearer, now that he”d finally
gotten the chance to say good-bye.
His last stop was his parents” home in Brooklyn. Linc showed up unannounced,
knowing that if he”d given them advance warning, his mother would have spent the entire
day cooking. As it was, her regular meal was far more than enough to feed the three of them,
and Linc enjoyed his first dinner in their home in more than a decade.
As they ate, Linc updated them on the rest of the family in Puerto Rico. Although he
talked to them regularly on the phone, Linc had not seen his parents in over a year. His
father”s health wasn”t as good as it used to be, forcing them to cancel their yearly trip to
Puerto Rico. Linc wanted them to move to the island permanently; he”d even told them they
could live with him. He definitely had more than enough space. So far, he had not been able
to convince them to do it. As he once used to, his parents loved the big city life and weren”t
ready to give it up just yet.
“So, how long are you in town, hijo?” his mother asked.
“Not long. I”m just here for the day. I flew in to see a couple of friends.”
His father looked at him thoughtfully. “They must be some very special friends, if they
got you to fly all the way here just to see them.”
“Yes, Papá,” he said quietly. “They are.” His father nodded, as if Linc”s answer explained everything.
An hour later, Linc said good-bye to his parents and prepared to leave. At the door, his
mother asked, “Are you happy, Lincoln?”
Linc paused. Her question caught him off guard. “I”m trying to be, Mamá,” he finally
said. “Hopefully, I will be by the time I leave in the morning.”
“Good.” She smiled, and kissed his cheek. “You deserve to be happy.”
It was the second time in as many days he”d heard that. Linc desperately wanted to
believe it was true.
He rode the train from Brooklyn and by the time he reached Manhattan, it was already
after ten o”clock. As he walked to his hotel, Linc refused to think about Mitch and Tomi or
the fact that he had not heard from them yet. When he reached his room and found no
messages from them, he ignored the disappointment
